Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive March 2007:
Ugggg I hate my breasts and am feeling paticularly bad about them tonight. I have birthed and nursed four children and they sag. They are big saggy breasts. I can't wear lingerie that doesn't have an underwire in it because they are like 3 feet below where they should be.
I know it doesn't help, but I saw some pics my dh looked at and some women have such beautiful breasts. I just want to cry. I know he looks at some naked pics of women every few months and it makes me feel awful, but what do you do? He is attracted to naked women. It is not an addiction or anything, but it has ruined my day.
The weird thing is, is that I find out, calmly tell him I saw and he says he is sorry. I say ok I understand and try to not show how much it hurts (why make a big deal out of it?), but then I start to compare myself and want to try to make myself look better for him. That doesn't make any sense to me at all. He seems happy with the way I look and when we have sex it is good. Overall our relationship is good. I just hate that I would want to please him when I feel so awful about myself. I am just realy down, frustrated, and sad. Sad about the body I don't have and feeling unwanted.
To make things worse, I have usually had a higher sex drive than him and have felt rejected so many times and all those feeling come rushing back. So it is not so much the pics as it is the feelings that I feel. I don't know what I am saying anymore Thanks for listening
Anon, I am so sorry. But I must say - it is the pics and your hubby looking at them that adds to your feelings. I strongly urge you to make a big deal of it and tell hubby that it hurts you that he looks at pictues of naked women, that you do want to please him but when you know he is looking at naked women you compare yourself to them and feel awful about yourself.
Your feelings are legitimate, and don't ever buy that old line that "you shouldn't feel that way". How you feel is how you feel. And given that you love your dh and believe that he loves you, I think you should tell him about your feelings. You can put it like this - when I know that you are looking at pictures of naked women I feel awful. Don't say "when you look at naked women you make me feel", because your feelings come from within yourself.
It sounds to me like dh is a good man and that you care about him deeply. Can you trust him enough to be honest with him about your feelings? Trust and honesty are important in a relationship. I suggest that these feelings you get gnaw at you, and I also suggest that if you don't talk with him about them, they will grow and get in the way of the trust and honesty that is required for a relationship to be healthy and good.