He has energy for work, fixing every one else's computers, working on his union treasury job, helping out a friend, who he will run to, at the drop of a hat, and anything else that comes along, but in the middle of the night, he starts to get friendly, gets up to go to the bathroom before we start getting busy and when he comes back, instantly falls asleep. I'm so ticked and having one heck of a pity party.

I saw him briefly, before I went to work. Now, he's off working on a computer. When I get home from work, he will be at work. When he gets home, I will be asleep. There is just no time for us.

We are going to my parents for the weekend and then on Sunday, he leaves for a conference in Iowa. I just feel like I'm the last thing on his list of priorities and I can't remember the last time we made love.

I'm just venting, because the dog thinks I'm mad at her, when I try to vent to her. She's upstairs in her crate.

I've been working a lot of hours, too. I thought it would slow down, once school started, but it hasn't. I think I'm getting a little burned out, too.

By Trina~moderator on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 02:33 pm:

{{{HUGS}}} BTDT, and it's not just "men". It's easy to fall into a rut when busy with work and family life. You have to make time for couple time. TELL him you miss him and would like to enjoy some alone time. Communication is important, and it goes both ways.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 05:57 pm:

Sounds like a rut to me too...

By Cocoabutter on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 06:50 pm:

Do you have any kids? That only adds to the stress.

For 2 years, dh and I worked opposite shifts. We didn't have ONE day where we both had a day off. I worked weekends during the day and he worked weeknights at night. We couldn't afford daycare.

It took its toll. Forget about getting frisky. I got my sleep whenever I could. Between work at work and work at home, I was always exhausted.

Finally in 2004 I went to the doctor for a cold and he took my blood pressure. It was something like 155/110. He told me to take the rest of the week off and gave me some meds. Dh and I talked for a few days, and decided that he was making enough for me to quit my job.

Now, dh is free to put in overtime and not worry about who was able to watch ds. I can just do the work around the house that needs to be done (and ebay on the side) and be there for my dh.

You can do it if you really want to. There are all kinds of books out there about how to make it on one income, how to be frugal with the money. The one I read was Miserly Moms:Living on one income in a two-income economy written by a woman who became pregnant, quit her job, and then decided to remain in their home that they had been paying for with 2 incomes.

It is the best decision we have ever made!

By Anonymous on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 07:15 pm:

Kids are teens. So, we aren't working opposite shifts for childcare reasons. It just works out that way. I have just been working lots of morning shifts, the last few weeks and if I don't see him in the morning, I end up not seeing him all day.

By Tripletmom on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 07:29 pm:

Ditto Trina-It happens to the best of us.Sometimes its easy to take the other half for granted and stop appreciating eachother.You have to work as hard at the marriage as you would at any other job.Sometimes some quality time together will put a whole new perspective on things>((HUGS))

By Anonymous on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 08:18 pm:

OH yeah! Hubby and I aren't in a rut, and we don't work opposite shifts anymore, thank goodness, but he has an issue of what is called "sleep sex". He gets friendly with me VERY often at night without even realizing it. Sometimes, he wakes and finishes what he has started. More often, he falls back to sleep and never realizes that he has gotten me worked up!

Also, the other night, I was messing around with him, and then stopped, and he said to keep going, so I figured he was wanting to, and he did, but the next thing I know, he is very still. "Ready", but still. AND SNORING!!!! He FELL ASLEEP!!!

Yep, this bothers me sometimes, but now I realize that he doesn't realize he is doing it, so I'm okay with it. Most of the time.

I still feel bad for you feeling that you are at the bottom of the list. Is there anyway you can let him know how you feel? Maybe he is being a typical man and doesn't even realize how you feel. They can be so blind to things sometimes!

I hope you can get things worked out. I can definitely understand your frustrations! Vent away!!!

By Anonymous on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 08:19 pm:

Ooops! Above message is by me, Anonymous number 2!! I don't think dh would appreciate me sharing that information for the world to see! LOL!

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 11:03 pm:

Anon#1 - My DH does that too, gets me all worked up, in his sleep, and then he goes back to sleep. In the morning, he doesn't remember! LOL! It's just that last night, he really was awake, for a brief, time, since he did use the bathroom. The thing is, I wouldn't have minded a quick romp, even if it was the middle of the night.

I know that eventually, we will have a moment, but might not be for another week. We will be sleeping at my parents' house on Friday and Saturday and then the next few days he will be out of town. We don't always like making love, at my parents' house, but might make an exception on this visit. I will be prepared for it! LOL!

What I wouldn't give for a night away from all our responsibilities!

By Dawnk777 on Friday, October 6, 2006 - 07:56 am:

Oh darn, forgot the anon. Oh well. Life is good at my house, this morning! 'nuff said.

By Luvn29 on Friday, October 6, 2006 - 08:02 am:

LOL! You go Dawn!!!