My mother calls me last Thursday and asks if I knew that my dad was in the hospital. Of course my answer was no. Apparently, my father had left a message with my sister informing her that he can't pick up my nephew because he's just been admitted to the hospital which causes my sister to call my mom to find out what's going on and of course my mother had no idea. I called several hospitals and found the right one but of course they couldn't release any information but that he was there. Thank God my dh had the day off because I was able to pick up my mother and go to the hospital. When I got there I saw his cardiologist and found out that my dad had come the day before for preadmission testing but somehow my dad just thought the doctor just wanted to run some tests. He came back the following day for what he thought was additional testing. He had angioplasty done! The cardiologist couldn't believe that no one knew what was going on. Of course I called his doctor's office the following day and had them make a note in his chart to inform me of any scheduled tests or procedures that he will be having in the future. When I took my mom home, we listed to the messages on the machine and there was one from my dad saying, I won't be coming home today. I have been detained at the hospital. OMG!

My father is the type of person who takes medicine because the doctor told him too. Case in point, he showed me a prescription that needed to be filled but the VA wouldn't fill it because they needed documentation from the doctor stating a diagnosis. I looked at the prescription and it was a diabetic medication. I asked my dad why you are taking diabetes medication. He had no clue. I went with him to talk to his doctor and it turns out that he is a borderline diabetic. ARGH!

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 - 11:07 pm:

So are you worried about him because he doesn't seem to understand (or care) what is going on with his health, or that he isn't telling his family about his health issues?

I don't know what to tell you, but there doesn't seem to be any communication going on, either between your dad and his doctors, or your dad and his family. Maybe you could all go in with your dad and sit down with his doctor and get it ALL out in the open?

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 12:22 am:

I think Cocoabutter has a great suggestion. Dad seems like he needs someone else to go to the doctor appointments with him, since he doesn't remember what they tell him. I would have been freaking out!

By Crystal915 on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 01:13 am:

Are your parents married? (I couldn't tell from your OP) If so, can your mom go with him to appointments to make sure she gets the information needed and asks questions? If not, can someone else do it? You may want to talk to your dad about appointing a medical power of attorney, someone who can help oversee his care, and has the right to information about any treatments. ((((Hugs))))) This seems like it's a very important issue, since he was supposed to pick up your sister's kids. What would happen if he collapsed (god forbid!!) while children were in his care? Definitely stay on top of it, and I hope he has a speedy recovery!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, June 28, 2006 - 05:25 pm:

Sounds like something my dad would do. No suggestions, just understanding..

By Kiki on Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 08:50 pm:

I went with him today to the VA to get his prescriptions filled out. I will be going with him from now on and I will also be listed on his power of attorney to make medical decisions for him and I think for my mom as well. My parents are married but my mom is in poor health with her COPD and she wouldn't be much help to him. I am the go to person for medical questions in my family. My dad is a smart man it's just since he had a couple of TIAs his memory has been not that great. He felt terrible but he honestly thought he was going for a test. Thanks for letting me vent.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 10:33 pm:

Kiki, my dad had a couple of TIAs, and then a few more, and a few more, and then a stroke - and multi-infarct dementia. And mostly because he did not watch his blood pressure, take his meds, and watch his diet. It broke my heart to lose my daddy 2-3 years before he died. And it was heartbreaking to hear my mom talk about the things he did - like trying to hit her - as his personality eroded. I tell you this because I want to really emphasize how important it is to keep a close eye on him, and keep track of his behavior. My dad was very good at faking it - he knew he didn't know the answer to "Who is the President?", so he'd say "Who cares - they're all terrible."

The power of attorney is important, but what you have to do is get multiple notarized copes, and give one to each of his doctors, one to the hospital in his neighborhood (where he would likely go to the emergency room), and one to each hospital where one of his doctors is likely to admit him. And make up a "contact in emergency card - in fact, make up several, with all of your contact phone numbers on it - seal the cards in plastic and make sure one goes in his wallet, one taped on or near the telephone in his house, and every other place you can think of. And the power of attorney should not only give you the right to make decisions if/when they should be made, but should also name you his health-care surrogate and state specifically that you are to be kept fully informed about his medical condition any time you ask. And now, with the HIPAA rules, it is important to make sure the power of attorney complies not only with your state's laws, but also with any federal rules. Go to the AARP web site, http://www.aarp.org/ and type in healthcare +power +of +attorney in the search box, and you will get a number of articles.


If your dad is driving, talk to his doctor about whether he should be driving. And make sure his doctor knows about the episode with the diabetic medication, so that the doctor knows to have someone on his staff contact you when your dad comes in, to report on what happened and what, if any, medications were prescribed.

I don't like scaring you, but I've lived through this, and mom and I learned the hard way about things we could have done in advance to make things easier for mom (and for me).

By Cocoabutter on Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 10:44 pm:

I am glad you are getting on top of things. I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there!

By Crystal915 on Friday, June 30, 2006 - 12:02 am:

(((Hugs)))) You're taking the right steps to make sure he's cared for. My grammy died this year, after multiple mini-strokes over the past couple of years. The decline was swift, but my family was lucky that she had advance directives, and my granddad was in good health, so could make decisions for her. I'm sorry you're going through this, we're here any time you need to vent!