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Open up a can of worms/neighbors and domestic violence

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive May 2006: Open up a can of worms/neighbors and domestic violence
By Beth on Tuesday, May 30, 2006 - 10:47 pm:

I really hate my neighborhood. I was outside grilling tonight and I heard someone yelling. I didn't immediately look over because it just sounded like arguing and I didn't want to embarass anyone that someone actually was watching. But then I heard the girl start screaming and the boy was trying to drag her by her hair back into the house. So I yelled hey stop that or I am going to call the cops. They stopped and the boy went back in the house. By this time my dh heard me and came to see what was going on. I asked the girl if she wanted me to call the cops and she said no. I then offered her my phone and she said she already had someone coming. Well the boy kept coming out and trying to talk to her. Then one time on his way in he turned and said something smart to me. I admit I lost it. I called the cops on the little punk. I didn't say anything to him I just called. They came and left shortly after. Didn't even come back and tell me everything was okay. I saw the girl leave behind the cop in another car. It appeared she came back and got her things later. I feel like I did the right thing as far as yelling when he was attacking her. But I probably should have not called the cops after things had settled down. I admit I was angry because my dd 5 was outside with me. Not to mention these kids looked like teenagers. I couldn't believe this girl was going through this crap so young. She looked pregnant to. Dh and I both thought that she was. I am also just frankly sick of crap that goes on in my neighborhood. But now I am probably in for a whole set of new problems. I wouldn't be suprised if our tires aren't slased ect... I am more worried about my kids playing outside. What kind of world do we live in. On a side note. I don't know what it is with this particular house. I had to call the cops there once before years ago. Some teenage girl was yelling at the top of her lungs for at least an hour. The cops came and took her away and as far as I know she did not come back and the family moved. I found out later from the neighbor that this girl had problems.

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, May 30, 2006 - 11:02 pm:

All I can say is BE CAREFUL.

If this guy is violent, sure, you might get your tires slashed or your house egged, but you may have also just put your dd and yourself in danger as well.

If it had been me, I would not have yelled at the guy. I would have been much more discreet, took my dd, slipped inside the house with her, and called the police so that no one would know who called. I understand that it is in your nature, as social workers, to want to help this girl. But when your help is unsolicited, it can backfire on you.

Anyway, let's hope she has left this guy for good. I just hope that she finds it in herself to adopt the baby out so that it has a chance at a stable life with good parents, since that obviously wouldn't be the case otherwise.

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, May 30, 2006 - 11:59 pm:

I disagree. I had neighbors turn a blind eye and ear when my ex was abusing me. You did the right thing, by immediately getting her out of danger, and calling the police.

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 07:42 am:

It's in every neighborhood, every walk of life. And sadly, *most* people turn a blind eye and ear to it. People are afraid to get involved, and chances are, that *one* time someone DOES, it might save a life.

However, I might be worried about this guy wanting *revenge* as well. It happens.

I think you did the right thing, but be careful.

By Sandysmom on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 08:22 am:

Karen is right. Where we live, I had the same problem as you did. The boy living there was always abusing his girlfriend. There was drugs and people in and out of there at all hours. And I know what you mean about it being a particular house. That same house's previous renter also had drugs going on. The neighborhood did work together in both instances. Now, the house has been knocked down and a new modular house has been put up. The owner is quiet and stays to himself. No more drugs and abuse, thankfully. Be careful, but don't walk around looking fearful because then they know and will play on that. Be confident and act as normal as possible. Keep us updated to let us know how you're doing.

By Conni on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 08:49 am:

I think you did th right thing. Sorry to here you have to worry about the guy retaliating in some form. I am thinking if he is cowardly enough to abuse his pregnant gf then he isnt going to have the guts to mess with you. Maybe so tho...

By Imamommyx4 on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 10:02 am:

I want to buy a hundred acres and put my house in the middle of it so that I don't have any neighbors. Used to have great ones. But things have just changed.

By Emily7 on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 12:19 pm:

I think you did the right thing & what everyone should do when they witness domestic violence!

By Beth on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 01:43 pm:

Well I talked to the neighbor between us. She said she doesn't think I have anything to worry about as far as retaliation. She said they have lived there for awhile and our in there early 20's. She said the girl is pregnant and she never heard anything from them until then. Now she said they have heard them yelling inside the house before. She saw the girl outside one time and asked if she was okay. She also told them that people around her will call the cops. I know that I did the right thing. I just maybe should have done it a little more anyom. Gone back in my house and called. Who knows though he could have had her back in there house by the time done that. At least they know we will not tolerate that stuff in our neighborhood.

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 01:43 pm:

I hope no one really thought I was suggesting turning a blind eye to the abuse. I was simply suggesting a safer way to deal with the situation without getting directly involved and putting herself and her family in the position of having to worry about retaliation.

You just never know what people are going to do these days. What if he was so out of conrol that he charged after her when she yelled at him to stop? What if the guy had pulled a gun? How would she defend herself and her dd then?

I feel that we should weigh the risks to ourselves and our families before we rush to the aid of others.

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 01:46 pm:

I just read your post, Beth. We posted at the same time :)

I am glad you are probably safe. I know how difficult it can be to live near people like that. We have had a few in our neighborhood, too.

By Mia on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 07:13 pm:

Yes, be very careful. Many years ago I called the cops on neighbors because he was beating his wife. Stupid cops then came to my door to question me about what I'd heard - so my neighbor then knew who called. The jerk next door then robbed my home (I strongly suspect it was him) as pay back. Scared me so much that I moved (single girl in apartment).

Many men start abusing wives/girlfriends when they become pregnant. I wouldn't be surprised if you hear more from your neighbors.

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