Why do friends compete?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive May 2006:
Why do friends compete?
Have you ever had a friend like that? One that treated everything like a competition? One who made up the stupidest, petty little white lies to look better?
I am soooo tired of it. This friend and I have been friends for about 2 years now. She's a great person and we have so much in common. We spend a lot of time together and our kids get along great. But it's these stupid little competitions and lies that are really getting to me lately. Examples:
-We bought a new mattress pad and when I was telling her about how much better we alept with it she had to tell me about how they bought a Temperpedic one not that long ago and how expensive it was. Not true, i've been up to her room taking care of her 4 month old DD for her and I can tell you they don't have one.
-We went to a carseat installation check today with the CHP and while I passed with flying colors (I should thank Trina for that!) I did know that I needed to adjust the infant base and wanted the tech to show me how to do it correctly. My friend then turns around telling everyone how she passed just fine but I had to get things fixed. Either way, who cares, really?!?!
-If the dogs need a bath and i'm going to give them one, she conveniently gave her dogs one already that day. Only, they stink when I go over.
It's stupid petty things like that. None of those things she needs to compete/lie about even matter in the least bit but it's all adding up in my mind and driving me crazy!!!
Why are people like that? Why is life such a competition? I know I may be bickering about something small right now but Grrrrr........ I just want one day of a normal friendship where she doesn't feel the need to try and be better. Is it a self esteem problem? What? Her DH is the same way.
I wish I had advice for you. There is a post about people who lie alot. I will bump it up for you.
Yes, I would say it is a self esteem problem on her behalf! The only thing I would maybe do is start calling her on it. If she said she gave the dogs a bath and you go over and they stink, I would jokingly say, you might want to give them a bath with soap next time. LOL No, don't know if I would do that or just ignore it. Knowing me, I would make the little comments though. LOL
It's human nature, if you feel insecure about yourself. Unfortunately, some people have so little self-confidence they need to brag/lie about the material things they have or the things they've accomplished to feel validated.
Ditto Crystal. Just chalk it up to insecurity and feel sorry for her. Maybe if you feel sorry for her you won't feel so irritated.
I would also say it has to do with her own insecuities but, that kind of friendship is exhausting.
That friendship seems kind of high-maintenance.
Ditto everyone. I was in one of those high-maintenance relationships a couple of years ago. It gets exhausting. With me, it got in the way of me taking care of my family.
She may need counseling. It's up to you, but you may want to distance yourself a bit from her.
We call them "One-Uppers". They always have to be one up from you. Those kind of people do get exahusting after a while. And yes, it usually has to do with insecurities (althought they'd never admit that). I've known a few people like that and the friendships usually don't last very long. Like others have said, you may need to take a break from this girl. Hugs.
I live the City of One-Uppers. LOL.
It's exhausting to the point where I make fun of poeple for doing it.
Other things are more important.
Had a friend like this once, confront them in the ways stated above.
Ask her to see her new Temperpedic mattress. (not sure exactly how you would know or not if she did get a new one, ;). Sorry, I don't think a mattress ever has come up in a conversation except with dh or sales people.
Make a joke about the car seat and how you're almost 9 months pregnant and better to be safe than sorry.
Tell her how great her dogs look and the next time she could come over and give you some pointers.
Dh has a brother who is like this. It gets old and boring. If dh is sick, bil is sicker. We don't even talk about stuff like that. And when we do speak, the conversation is always centered around them.
I haven't had friends like that in a long time. Personally, as I got older, you could tell those type of people just by speaking with them and move on. You will find how true and sincere people are by listening to the conversations. If the conversations are centered around themselves constantly or if they ask you questions about yourself or others.