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How private are you?

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive May 2006: How private are you?
By Anonymous on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 09:18 am:

This has always been a very sensitive subject with me. My husband thinks its "odd" that I am such a privite person. When I say private it may be different what others consider private. For example, I am a person who likes to be clothed at all times. I do not lounge around in pj's. I get up, I shower I get dressed etc... I also get dressed in the bathroom, I have done it since I was a child. Its that privacy issue I have. My husband thinks its strange that I do not like to dress or undress in front of him. Yes, he has seen me give birth. I am, and always have been a very self-conscious person. I do not like anybody looking at me. Even when I am home alone, I will still take a shower and still get dressed in the bathroom. I know many find this odd. I am also a person that has all my things gathered before my shower, towels, clothes to wear, all in one place. So you never see me prancing around half naked looking for things.
I am also the type of person who does not allow anybody in the bathroom while I am in there. When the kids were young, yes they were allowed in. When they got older, they do not come in while I am using the bathroom. It is just the way things are.
Growing up, I never had to share a bedroom with anybody. I think I just got use to my privacy. Even though I am married, I still do not like to be seen with out clothes on. Even after sex, I always hurry up to get dressed.
Am I the only truley odd one out there? My husband sure thinks I am.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 09:31 am:

No one can say you are the odd one out there. It's an individual, personal preference.

I'm the exact opposite. After my parents divorced, it was my mom and me and my 2 sisters. At any given time, at least one of us was half clothed. I always shared a room with one of my sisters. We had one bathroom, so being in the bathroom alone was a rare thing. We always saw each other half clothed, or totally naked. Needless to say, none of us were very modest. We are still that way.

I have no problem being unclothed. In fact, I prefer it. LOL

When my kids were young they picked up that habit as well. Obviously, Jeff, as a boy-child didn't want everyone looking at him. He's much more private. Jen on the other hand, is much like me. She thinks nothing of walking from room to room in a towel, etc.

The thing is, no one can say if it's right or wrong to be very modest, or not modest at all. It's YOUR choice. Obviously, when kids are in the house, even I agree that you should be clothed in front of them.

Since you feel so strongly about this, your family should respect your wishes in that regard. That's my two cents worth.

By Juli4 on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 09:53 am:

I prefer to have as little clothes on as possible in the house, especially in the evenings and night. I usually wear a big t-shirt or nightgown, but I have no problem going from the bathroom to my bedroom with only a towel on my head. My girls are little though and when they start getting older I will probably be a little more private. When using a bathroom though I am totally private. I never allow anyone in there even my dh. We are both that way. He has never seen me wipe and I intend on keeping it that way. I also am very private about womanly things.

By Marcia on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 11:10 am:

I grew up in a family where no one shut the door when they went to the washroom, we thought nothing of walking from the washroom to the bedroom in just towels, etc. Still, we never saw each other naked.
I have 5 girls, and they think nothing of walking around with nothing on. Now that they're getting older they know they can't do that around daddy or anyone who comes to visit. I'm fine with any of them seeing me naked, but I do tend to shower then dress in the washroom.

By Reds9298 on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 11:13 am:

Anon - It's just your personal preference, you're not odd.

I'm the opposite though.:) Always half naked growing up, in front of both parents, never bothered any of us. I still walk around the house in bra and panties between dressing. I take out my trash in my jammies.

DItton on the bathroom...NO ONE (except dd, who is 2) in the bathroom with me. DH has never seen me wipe and I ALSO intend to keep it that way! LOL I also am private about "female" issues, like periods and such. Other than that, I'm a "free spirit" when it comes to my body.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 11:13 am:

I'm not very private. I live in CA where I could live in a bikini half the year... that to me is no different than walking around in a bra and panties. I'm always prancing around the house half dressed hoping nobody is looking in my windows, lol.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 11:16 am:

Oh and on the bathroom thing, I generally only get my privacy when i'm doing anything other than peeing. Besides that, i'm open. I even pulled DH in the bathroom a few weeks ago {{tmi alert}} to look at the "gooky" stuff that is also known as the mucous plug, lol. I thought it was neat looking. DH thought I was losing my mind for showing him. Tee Hee Hee!

By Tonya on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 11:22 am:

We are so not private in our house. I am always in a bra and underwear. Like Melissa said no different that a bathing suit. Plus I am in my jammies as soon as I know I am home for the night. Timmy and Rich are always in just their boxers Jade in a diaper and oncie or tee-shirt. I will take out the trash in my nightgown. And as far as the bathroom goes I cannot remember the last time the door was closed for anything I have done. When DH goes #2 he closes the door but otherwise the door is always open.

By Tayjar on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 11:25 am:

We aren't very private either. I am always running around half naked. Then again, I'm the one who forget she was half naked and mooned the bus driver. But, even that doesn't compare to the water slide incident in Florida last year. Modesty is in small supply in our house.

By Janet on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 11:56 am:

I run in my undies when it's just me and the girls, but I don't when dh is around. I'll dress in front of him, but not too often. The girls and I will share the bathroom (there's only one bathroom with three of us!), but I won't share with dh. I don't use the toilet in front of him, either.
This is slightly strange, because with my ex, we were totally open and free with each other...showers, toilet, dressing, running nekked... I can't tell you why it's different now, but it is!

By Trina~moderator on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 12:11 pm:

I'm usually dressed when walking around the house, at least in respectable PJs, however, I have absolutely no problem dressing, undressing, showering, shaving, using the toilet, etc. in front of DH. He has no problems doing any of the above in front of me either. One morning recently I was running a little late in my routine and DH later told me he was sad because he missed his morning "show". I gave him a puzzled look because I didn't know what the heck he was talking about. He explained, "One of the highlights of my mornings are watching my beautiful wife get out of the shower!smileywink" I had no idea it was such a treat for him. LMBO! I must admit, it goes both ways. I certainly don't mind catching him in his birthday suit either. *Hee hee!* We enjoy flirting and bonding during private moments like this. I consider them one of the privileges of being a "couple" in a loving, committed relationship. They help keep the spark going. :)

My kids are two different animals concerning this topic. DD would be naked all the time if she could. At home she usually runs around in her undies, but that's because we make her wear at least that much. I suspect modesty will be setting in soon. She runs frantically to get dressed if someone comes to the door. LOL! DS never went through the naked stage and always preferred to be dressed.

By Cat on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 12:20 pm:

Anon, I could have written your post. :) I grew up with two brothers so I always had my own room. I never had to dress in front of anyone (until basic training--WOW what an experience! lol). Here I'm usually showered and dressed first thing. I am sometimes in my pj's around the house, though. I always shut the door when I'm in the bathroom. The only time dh has ever seen me use the bathroom was when I was in labor with Randy and the nurse made me go and made dh hold one arm while she held the other. I don't think either of us enjoyed that! lol I do tend to be very private. My mom thinks nothing of coming in the bathroom while I'm in the shower or whatever (when we visit her). She's like, "What? It's nothing I haven't seen before!" I also came from a family that rarely shut the bathroom door and my dad would run around in just shorts or ratty, holey sweats. Boy, there's nothing like rounding the corner of the hallway and seeing your father sitting on the toilet! But that didn't rub off on me (may have done the opposite! lol). I don't run around my house half naked because I have two pre-teen boys. I probably wouldn't anyway. I can still remember being about 12yo at my cousin's house and she walked in on me in the bathroom. To her it was no big deal (one of four girls). To me it was HUGE! Not my style. So if you're not normal, neither am I. :)

By Tink on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 12:27 pm:

Wow, I didn't realize how private I am! I'm much more like Anon. Once my kids were potty trained, they don't see me in the bathroom for any "private" purposes. I enjoy showering with my DH occasionally, but I prefer to not have anyone in the bathroom while I'm in the shower and I rarely let the kids see me in anything near undressed. I will wear modest pj's in front of them but I prefer to be fully dressed around them. My dh frequently sees me in my pj's and I don't run to cover myself if he does see me out of the shower but usually I just have my clothes with me in the bathroom and get dressed before he has a chance to see me naked. I will change my clothes in the bedroom in front of him but really, I prefer to be dressed at all times.

My parents were pretty comfortable running around in their undies as they got ready for the day but it always made me uncomfortable. My DH is also perfectly comfortable with the kids seeing him in boxers or a pair of shorts with no shirt and wears as little clothing as possible if it's just the two of us:). My oldest has always been fairly modest and my younger two don't run around naked but have no issues with a T-shirt and undies covering them.

By Anonymous on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 12:45 pm:

Tink-you do sound just like me. I am glad I am not alone. I remember seeing my dad in his underwear right before bed, or first thing in the morning. He never really walked around like that, just from his bedroom to the bathroom. My mother would wear her robe over her nightgown and go downstairs and have her coffee. I remember being younger and sitting on my parents bed to watch tv. I can remember my mother dressing and underessing in front of me,and it use to make me uncomfortable. I honestly did not want to see her naked.I normally would make an excuse and say I did not want to watch tv anymore and leave.
I do not allow anybody in the bathroom while Im doing my business, except the kids when they were younger. I do not like anybody in the bathroom when Im in the shower. I am the anon who posted several months ago about my husband trying to join me in the shower one morning. I know this is common for most, but for me it really upset me.I feel like he invaded my personal space. He knows if I am about to get in the shower, he better hurry up and use the bathroom or get what he needs before I get in.
Also when he is in the shower I do not go in, NEVER. He would not care, he has no problem walking around naked in front of me. I always tell him "Go put some clothes on"...sorry I do not want to see that.There are times he is taking a shower and I have to go to the bathroom, I will either wait, or go downstairs.
My oldest son walks around in his underwear just before bed, and that is ok. I do not want to give him my paranoia about his body.
For me it is how I look. I am overweight. I do not find my naked body attractive to look at, and would not want anybody to see it. When we have sex(which is not often)it is always at night. I can not stand sex when the room is fully lighted up like in the morning or afternoon.

By Tripletmom on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 01:37 pm:

We just started to enforce more privacey with my DD.She would love to run around naked all day.I have started to ask her to put underwear on when DH is around.I don't want her to feel ashamed of herself but she is 7 and I thought I would start slowly.We have never locked or really closed any doors in our house.We are all very open.When the DH is getting out of the shower and my DD wants to go in I just ask her to give her daddy some privacy and wait until he is done.I love my pj's and I don't care who sees me in them.I've driven through a drive thru at night in my Pj's.I do dress/undress in front of DH that is when the flirting/playfulness happens.We like to sleep naked but keep clothes beside the bed incase our DD comes in the middle of the night.I know I'll be a little more reserved as the boys get bigger.Its alot different with having a child of the opposite sex and how different if feels.I think each to his own and no way is wrong.We are a very sarcastic family for jokes and we have alot of bathroom humour and no shyness in this house.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 04:23 pm:

Sherri, I had problems doing that with Jen. She will tell you, she's a nudist at heart. LOL When she was 2 or 3, she ran out of the bath and out the front door, wet and naked. Those years of me being a single parent just made us all more *relaxed* around each other, and when I remarried, it was quite an issue, convincing her she needed to wear more than a towel to come to the table or the den or kitchen. It just was not appropriate for a teenage girl to be *that* unclothed in front of her stepfather or brother - or her father too, for that matter. She kept saying the towel covered more than her swim suit, but I reminded her the swim suit was hooked/tied on and the towel wasn't! ROFL

*I* had to learn to cover up when Jeff was young, after all, it's certainly not appropriate for mom to parade around naked in front of a 6 y/o boy either, right?

Now, with just DH and I at home, I spend a lot more time *undressed*. I HATE clothes when it's hot! LOL

By Cocoabutter on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 05:19 pm:

I understand the need for privacy with regard to certain things, like going potty for instance, or dealing with menstruation. But for other things in my house when my son isn't around, it's a free for all.

When I was a girl, I got dressed alone in my room or in the bathroom b/c my father was in the house. However now I will run around in a bath towel as long as my son isn't around. When he was 4 I decided it would be a good time for me to avoid being around him when I was naked, but it took him a couple of years to catch on and to actually respect my privacy and understand the fact that little boys aren't supposed to see their mommies naked body parts- only daddies can.

Here's my thing about being married and allowing your husband to see your naked body: I think it is wonderful for a man to see his wife naked and vice versa. The way I see it, he loves you and that means ALL of you. When a man and a woman are married and they share their lives with eachother, they share EVERYTHING. I don't have any secrets- there is nothing I can't tell or show my husband. We have sex with a light on, and we shower together. If I am having menstrual cramps or any other feminine issues, I can talk to him about it. The word I am thinking of is IMTIMACY. How close are you to your husband? I think in a ideal marriage the husband and wife should be able to talk about or to do anything, absolutely anything, with eachother. It is about sharing yourself, your entire self, with him, and him with you. Hence the phrase "two become one."

The other thing is that men are sexual animals. Let's face it, it's just the way they are made. They are visually stimulated, and the most important way that men show their love for women, and also the most important way that a man is reassured of his woman's love for him, is through the act of making love, or anything having to do with sharing and enjoying physical contact or visual stimulation. So when a woman forbids her man to see her without clothes, it's like taking away part of that wonderful intimacy for the both of them.

Just something to think about.

By Pamt on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 05:51 pm:

Ditto Lisa. Growing up I was always a very modest person. My dad was also. My mom, sister, and brother were not. My mother never saw me anything but fully clothes after the age of 10 or 12. 2 kids, 2 years of breastfeeding, and almost 16 years of marriage later I am not quite so modest. I love to be in my jammies (and braless) at home, but I don't walk around the house in my underwear with two pre-pubescent boys in the house. On youth trips I change in front of the teenaged girls or am in my bra and panties, as do they, since we all share a big dorm room usually, but they do NOT see me totally naked. Not comfortable with that!

With my DH however...a totally different story. I came into marriage believing that there is no place for modesty in the bedroom. All of me belongs to my DH and all of him belongs to me. We can shower, make love with lights on, change in front of each other, etc. I think modesty outside of the bedroom is probably a good thing, but alone with just husband and wife I do think that it hinders total intimacy. Regardless of weight/size issues, your DH loves looking at YOU and to withhold that from him is cheating him out a little bit.

I've suggested this book a million times, but "A Celebration of Sex" by Douglas Rosenau is a great resource and has a whole chapter on body image and the like.

By Anonymous on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 07:28 pm:

You know what, I am my own worst enemy. I always have been. I am just not comfortable with myself, how I look etc... Even after many years of marriage, I would prefer my husband not to look me fully naked. I am overweight, I do not like people to see my tummy rolls just hanging. I know you are suppose to love your spouse no matter what they look like. I am not happy with myself, so can not imagine anybody wanting to look at me naked, including my husband.He is very comfortable walking around with no clothes on(bedroom only hehe)I prefer he have clothes on, it is NOT a turn on for me.
I am the queen of Modesty. Yet the funny thing is, I can totally joke about sex. I can joke with my husband about our sex etc... Yet, I am open with words, just not with my body. I know that totally does not make sense.

By Cocoabutter on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 08:05 pm:

Well, I think then that the next question would be: How badly do you desire change? How important is it to you that you please your husband, improve your marriage, and improve your body?

You could continue to be insecure and uncomfortable with your appearance, or you could take control of it and change it, improve it. Join a fitness center or take the dog for a walk every day. I am about 70 pounds over weight, and I started a routine last month where I walk my dog every morning. My walks have gradually gotten longer- from 20 minutes to about 45 minutes. I haven't lost much (probably b/c the last two weeks have been cold and rainy) but I feel good about myself now that I am actually DOING something good for myself.

By Hol on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 08:34 pm:

We all walk around with jammies on when we are home for the night, too. I go outside in my PJ's to get the mail, put out the trash, etc., but I live in the country. With two teenaged DS's in the house, I can't walk from one room to the other in even my underwear unless neither of them are home.
DH and I have always been very open with each other. One of us can be in the bathroom with the other, no matter what is going on. We have been married a long time, and have HAD to do personal things for each other; i.e. before and after surgical procedures, etc, bathing each other, emptying bedpans, etc. We have no secrets.
I admit, I am not as comfortable with him seeing me naked, as I once was, because middle age has given him MORE of me to look at. :)

By Tripletmom on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 10:08 pm:

(((ANON))) Start with baby steps first.Start finding the good things that you like about yourself and concentrate on them.Look at yourself in the mirror and smile at yourself,tell yourself you look GREAT today.Its all mental attitude and self esteem.It don't matter about size,shape in the long run its about you finding/giving happiness and really feeling love.Once you gain control of your mental self,you'll want to improve you're physical self.It will work out in small baby steps.It's better than thinking down the road "You should/could have done this or that.Have no regrets and just take you're time and move ahead(((HUGS))))

Karen-Katie is certainly a challenge when it comes to clothes.She should have been born in a nudist colony.Ditto the child running out of the house naked in the rain with just rubber boots on LOL I love her innocence and her carefreeness.My DH hasn't been naked in front of her for awhile now.I started giving her one of our t-shirts to wear so there long and she can get away with no underwear but still be covered.When do they get shy? Or do they? I think my DH wants her to get shy at least before high school.LOL

By Sandysmom on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 10:47 pm:

You ladies give the best advice. Everything I would have said has already been said. :) I am a big girl too and it is hard for me to lose weight. I have an underactive thyroid and PCOS both of which contribute to being overweight, but I have to admit that I also like food a little too much which probably contributes more to my extra pounds than my medical condition. Because I have daughters and not sons I am perfectly happy to walk around in my jammies and I have no problem with being in my underwear in front of my DH & DD's. In the bedroom, I admit to being a little embarrased but my DH is not the perfect physical specimen either. I do understand how you feel though, when you are overweight you tend to put your whole self under the microscope. I definitely agree with the above post(Tripletmom). Start focusing on your better attributes & eventually your mental attitude will change about yourself.

By Nicki on Monday, May 22, 2006 - 11:55 pm:

Sherri, I really like your advice to Anon! And Anon, you are not alone. I have gotten better through the years, but I struggle with a poor body image, (and weight wasn't always the issue...I am about 20 lbs. over weight now, but even when I was considered "thin" by others, I hated my body) so I understand how difficult it is to feel comfortable in the nude in front of other people, even dh. I think Sherri is so right, it has a lot to do with one's mental image. It makes me think of some women I have met that are very attractive, and seem appealing to other men, even though they may be over weight. I have noticed that they seem to love themselves. I mean, they just accept themselves as they are and accentuate their beauty. They seem to like themselves, and it shows! Does that make sense? Lol, I have figured this out, I'm just not sure how to adopt their healthy outlook. I come from a family where looks were very important, too important. So it is a real struggle for me not to concentrate on the fact my weight is not perfect, nor is my body. And I'm not sure about you, but no matter how hard my dh tries to convince me I look okay, I don't believe him.
I understand, Anon, and hugs to you.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - 11:44 am:

My bedroom is right next to the shower. I usually just bring my underwear in and at least put that on and run with a towel to my bedroom to get dressed. We don't have a bathroom fan, so I hate getting dressed in the bathroom, because it's still so moist in there.

If I have a Saturday morning with nothing to do, I'm probably in my jammies until noon! LOL! I'm usually in no hurry to get dressed. The kids are the same way.

I do get dressed with them in the room, since many times, they are in there watching tv. If I decide I really want the privacy, I just go into my daughter's room, which is usually empty.

I don't care if someone is in the bathroom, while I pee, but if it's the other thing, or my period, then I insist on privacy.

I do wear jammies outside, now, to take the dog outside, or the garbage, but in the summer, I'm more inclined to throw on something else, if I have to go outside, since then I'm not wearing a jacket.

The only time I feel weird about being outside in my jammies, is on Sunday morning, since I live across the street from a church. I just feel so underdressed, when well-dressed people are going to church! LOL!

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