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What makes people tell little lies sorry if long

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive May 2006: What makes people tell little lies sorry if long
By Shann on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 02:57 pm:

I don't see why my Mom has to tell us little lies. Dh and I went to Tulsa Thursday for one of Dh doctors appointment. It was easier for us to spend the night at a hotel the day before. While we are at the hotel my Mom calls and is upset because she lost her job(which she got on Tuesday and let go Thursday). She got a job mowing the cemetry lawn.We knew she couldn't do she is a smoker and is in the beginning stages of empahzema (sp?) always has problems breathing.(long story she wont quit) So I feel really bad because she really wanted it. So our coversation goes to hubby getting me a camera for Mothers Day she says well if you don't want your old one can I have it. She goes on to tell me while they were at my Nieces graduation my older Niece was using her camera and it quite working. I tell her I will check with hubby and see what he wants to do with the old one. I get home Friday evening and my brother calls. He says that Mom was not fired from her job she quite. her reasons for quiting was she was busy with Older Niece graduation this is what she tells boss. The reason we found out was my brother called the lady and was going to tare into her for how they treated Mom then the lady goes on to explain the converstion she had with Mom. Then I told my brother about the camera and giving it to my Mom and was talking to him about hers breaking down when Our niece was using it. He says for one thing our oldest Niece was not there she was on her senior trip and Mom never brought her camera. It just frustrates me to know end. Looking back on our childhood I can count a million times my Mom has lied to us. I just don't understand at all. Its at the point now where I don't like going over there because I am hurt for one and don't want to hear any more lies. what would you all do. I love my Mom to death but I don't think I deserve to be lied to. I told my brother to not stick up for her like that anymore. We have allgone to bat for her more than once and it always bites us in the rear

By Tonya on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 03:38 pm:

If some one can come up with an answer for this please share. My sister is the same way she has told so many little lies to so many different people she cannot remember who she told what to. I hate being around her for this reason. My grandma and my mom and I compare stories to see who knows what and who heard what.

Good luck with your mom.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 04:03 pm:

Check out this explanation:

"The essential feature of Antisocial Personality Disorder is a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood."

Some of the behaviors that could lead to such a diagnosis are eerily familiar: repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest; deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure; consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to meet financial obligations; and lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated or stolen from another."

Antisocial Personality Disorder is more common in urban settings and in populations with low socioeconomic status. That has led some psychologists to argue that these behaviors may result from a "protective survival strategy" rather than from a mental disorder.

Those with Antisocial Personality Disorder are often intentionally deceitful in order to gain money, sex or power. Some also have inflated self-images that lead them to believe that an ordinary job is beneath them.

While they wreak havoc on others, people with Antisocial Personality Disorder are more likely to become homeless, spend years in prison or die violently. In short, these perpetrators are also victims.

Not saying this is the case, but I found it interesting. I've known a few people like that in my lifetime.

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 08:47 pm:

No advice, just HUGS.... vent away anytime.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 09:40 pm:

I have a sister like this and honestly I believe that she believes the stories she tells to be true. She will defend it (whatever story she's telling at the time) until the end. I personally believe it's an illness of some sort, being on the receiving end of it is VERY hurtful, aggravating, and frustrating I know as I'm there constantly. I think until they either "live in the real world" or get some help we just have to be careful and take theier word for what it's word.

No advice really just letting you know you're not alone. (((HUGS)))

By Mommmie on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:16 pm:

I think it's hard-wired into them. It's genetic.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, May 16, 2006 - 10:25 pm:

I'm sorry. {{{HUGS}}}

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 05:44 am:

I sure hope it's not genetic. My ex told so many little lies - and so many of them could be checked out, like Shann's mom. It was and is so incredibly frustrating, to the point where I would think - if he says its raining, I'm going to look out the window. I sure wish I knew the answer.

I think you have the right idea, Shann - just stay out of any "problems" she describes, because it will bite you in the rear. Sadly, when it's a family member, we have to just accept that person as s/he is, and find work-arounds in order to be able to get on with life. I wish I had some solution to offer.

The explanation Karen posted makes a lot of sense - my ex wasn't/isn't at the worst end of that spectrum, but a lot of the pieces of the description fit.

By Sandysmom on Wednesday, May 17, 2006 - 10:22 am:

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have a friend who was like that. But, I knew she had a miserable childhood followed by a messy divorce with her parents. She hated her life and lied, I think, to create in her mind a better world for herself instead of accepting her life and rising above it. For her, it had a lot to do with shame. The life she lived as a child was full of drugs, affairs, abuse, sexual abuse etc... When she looked at herself, all she saw was that she was a part of that even though it was not her fault. It "became" her in her mind and the only way out was to lie. She is now 38 and on her 2nd marriage and pregnant. The last time I saw her, there was a different look in her eye, kind of like there had been a healing and I was happy for her. It's just my experience, but I hope it helps, even a little.
BTW, I do think to some extent, it does have to do with protective survival as stated in Karen's post. This problem is very rampant in foster children. Mainly the older ones.

By Sandysmom on Wednesday, May 24, 2006 - 07:33 pm:

Bump - especially read Karen's post.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, July 29, 2006 - 06:13 am:

Thread spammed 7/20/06

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