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Small community...friend problems

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive April 2006: Small community...friend problems
By Paulas on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 11:09 pm:

I have a "friend" who is very negative about most things. She never seems to be happy. She also doesn't seem to have anything nice to say about anyone. This is the same friend who has not mentioned one thing about my recent 30 pound weight loss. (Not that I need her validation, but one comment would be nice).

Anyway, she just came back from a one week holiday to Mexico with another mutual girl friend. I didn't call her the second she got back b/c I figured she be busy. I ran in to her yesterday at the pool. She was very cold with me. When I asked a question she'd respond with a short one word answer but did not initate any conversation. I called her today and flat out asked if she was angry for some reason. She denied it but you could just tell.

This friendship is draining. She is often mad about something but doesn't come out and tell you what it is so you can hash it out and fix the problem.

I don't know what to do. I'm relatively new to the area and don't have any other close friends. If I end this friendship I have no other "close" friends. What would you suggest?

By Sandysmom on Friday, April 21, 2006 - 11:21 pm:

JMHO, but I would pull back. If she wants to be friendly with you, let her initiate. It sounds like she is either a high maintenance person or this is just a toxic combination. It is hard continually being friendly with someone whom you are always feeling like you are paying an emotional debt to all the time. BTDT. Since you are new to the area, start going to different places and social functions or whatever and seek out other, more compatible friendships. I'm sure you are a sweetie and it will not take long to strike up new friendships. And, you always have us!!!:)

By Trina~moderator on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 07:50 am:

She doesn't sound like a "friend" to me! Frankly, she's not worth the aggravation. I'd rather have no close friends than a draining relationship like that. I'd be civil to her if/when you bump into each other in public but wouldn't encourage the "friendship" other than that.

Does your community have a Newcomers Club?

By Tripletmom on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 08:13 am:

She's not a friend.She cannot even compliment you when you succeed at something.Friends are happy for eachother not in competition.I wouldn't waste anymore time or energy on her.

By Beth on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 08:42 am:

I would look for other avenues to make friends. This girl does not sound like the kind of friend that you want to have. It can be hard when you are new but you will be happier with out her.

By Conni on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 09:42 am:

I have a few draining friends and I got them out of my life. Eventually you meet someone that is much better for you.

Same type of thing- we were going to a church that left me feeling empty somedays and drained others. Every week another couple was getting divorced!!! It was wierd. I was scared to change, but I finally did it. We found a new church that we leave feeling like we have been fed and uplifted!! We can actually have a conversation about the message preached on the way home!! We never could figure out what the other preacher's point was at the old church. Sad...

Anyway, like many others have said on this board 'Life is short!'... Out with the negative !! :) Usually when people are negative alot it is due to their own insecurities.

Maybe someone is going to move in this summer and they will be right up your alley in the friendship dept!! You just never know!

By Conni on Saturday, April 22, 2006 - 09:43 am:

BTW- congrat on the weight lost!! woo hoo!!! :)

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