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I need to vent

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive April 2006: I need to vent
By Cat on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 08:37 am:

Okay, be warned. I'm very po'ed at my dh (NOT dear) right now. I swear, it's like taking care of a third child (that HE didn't want). I'm at at 4:40 this morning. After my shower I clean out the dishwasher, eat, gather and take out all the trash (including the cat little which he won't touch), vacuume, make that bed (that he was that last person out of, but will only make HIS side, even though I can't make mine when I get up because his lazy butt's still in it!), and then go to dry my hair only to have him whine, "Oh, I was going to use the bathroom." Then he has the nerve to get ticked off at ME and storm off to use the other bathroom in the house (Yes! We have TWO!) and then storm off to work. This, the man that leaves more stuff laying around than the kids combined ("I don't know where you want to put it"--even if I show him!) and complains because he has to move some food to get to the poptarts in the pantry (Gasp! We have food that he won't shop for alone--he'll go with me sometimes and complain about how I shop, but won't do it himself "I don't know what brands you want"). I think what really pushed me over the edge today is the fact that his snoring kept me awake from about 1am-3am AFTER he got up to use the bathroom and came back to bed with NASTY breath because he can't just drink water during the night, but has to get oj or munch on something and I swear he must have eaten some salami or something this morning because it STUNK!!! And of course he has to lay with his face two inches from mine! (And I'm over as far as I can go!!!) So yes, I'm beyond a little pi$$ed off right now. I'm tired of his whiney, complaining, accusitory attitude (everything's my fault). I'm tired of him not doing things around the house. I'm tired of him thinking that just because I'm home all day I can take care of all the phone calls that need to be made and all the errends (like taking care of 4-6 kids isn't WORK???). And I'm just plain tired (gee, lack of sleep because he snores??? "No, I don't!"). AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH Okay. I'm done now. I'm still mighty ticked off but at least I got it out. I've got about 5-10 minutes before kids show up. I'm going to go veg and pray for patience for today. Thanx for listening.

By Tripletmom on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 08:52 am:

((((HUGS)))) Some men just dont get it.Staying at home is work.I'm sorry you had to start off you're day so crummy.Here's hoping it gets better (((HUGS)))

By Heaventree on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 08:56 am:

Hugs Sister I hear you. Sounds like he needs an ear full. Do you want my number? :)

By Insaneusmcwife on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 09:00 am:

{{{hug}}} I'm sorry. I have had many days that I have wanted to just strangle my dh but it does get better.

By Trina~moderator on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 09:40 am:

(((((Cat)))))

By Crystal915 on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 09:42 am:

Vent AWAY!!!! ((((Cat))))

By Luvn29 on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 09:58 am:

Hugs, Cat. Wouldn't you love to ask him to stay home one day and do the childcare by himself (with you supervising, of course!!!) just so he can see how busy you really are!

I'm not sure I could be as patient and quiet to him about some of those things (such as only making up his side of the bed when he gets up...) so I commend you!

I'm sending lots of patience and great day vibes your way!!!

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 10:05 am:

I just hate it when you say - you don't do so and so and so - and he says "it's all your fault because you didn't show me". Good grief - if you're an adult, you know how to do things or you find out. Do they (men) think we are born with genes for knowing where things are on the shelves?

By Conni on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 10:24 am:

((((((HUGS)))))))

I know how you feel!!! ;) My dh is snoring more and more the older he gets and I find myself feeling very irritable due to lack of sleep. For awhile he insisted he didnt snore. lol He does and is getting louder and louder.

Hope you have a better day!

By Tink on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 10:26 am:

ARGH! I have some idea of just how upset you are. I'm in a similar boat here, although he doesn't blame me when he doesn't do things, he just doesn't have any problem with me spending all day picking up after him. I really hope that this is something that he'll work on but if he's anything like my dh...

{{{Cat}}} Just keep reminding yourself "For better or for worse, For better or for worse".

By Ilovetom on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 10:38 am:

Are you married to my husband?

By Cat on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 10:55 am:

Thanx for all the hugs (and for ignoring all the typos--*blush*). There's no way he'd ever be able to watch these kids and he knows it. It's just sometimes he seems so selfish, ya know? I'm always doing for everyone else here and he always seems to put himself first. And he doesn't feel like he's "blaming" me for anything. BUT, when he complains, "This place is a mess" (it's not--his opinion--you can't expect perfection with kids around!) or "This {food} isn't very good" or whatever, I take that it's my fault because I cleaned it or cooked it or whatever. He KNOWS that because I've TOLD him as much. He has no problem sitting on his duff while I clean like a mad woman, but if he gets an itch (not very often!) he'll say, "Help me do this" or "This needs to be done. Let's do it in x-number of minutes." and he fully expects me to drop whatever I'm doing and jump right up and cheerfully help! I've even told him before he's just like the kids--expecting me to drop everything and jump when he wants something. Never mind that at that moment I may be totally engrossed in something (book, computer, cleaning something else, whatever) but if I say, "Hang on" he gets mad and ends up saying, "Never mind! I guess {whatever} just won't get done!" And I swear this man can NEVER do anything by himself! I rarely ask him for help unless it's something I truly can NOT do alone. He asks me to help him with things the kids could do alone! *sigh* Maybe that's just his way of spending *quality* time with me. lol Maybe I'm too independant. It's hard to ask someone to help you do things though when they get irratated with you when you do, ya know? Well I guess I'm not done being mad at him because this post's turned into another vent! lol At least my blood pressure's probably down now. Thanx for listening--again.

Oh, Ilovetom we probably ARE married to the same person. My mom always said men are all the same, they just come from different molds.

By Cybermommyx4 on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 12:27 pm:

{{{CAT}}} Vent away! :) Next time DH puts his face that close to yours when he has nasty breath, try covering it with an extra pillow. Either he'll move, or end up smelling his OWN nasty breath, lol! ;)

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 01:09 pm:

A "dh" story, back when I was married. When I was about 5 months along with my second I was put on bed rest (with an almost 5 year old in the house - what fun). One evening my then dh said he would make dinner, and proceeded to fix a package of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. When he served it, it was really, really soupy. After questioning, turned out he forgot to drain the water off the macaroni before adding the cheese mix. Jeez - what an idiot! But then, he never had to fix dinner again - though he did have to buy a lot of takeout. (Unfortunately, no microwave then, and TV dinners were generally pretty bad.)

By Cat on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 01:17 pm:

Wendy, he might think I'm trying to smother him! Hm... *eg* (jk--he does drive me nuts but God help me I love him)

Ginny, did he read the box??? It amazes me how 'helpless' some people can be. I mean really--when my dh makes dinner for he and the kids if I happen to be gone somewhere it's a can of ravioli, Ramen noodles or take out. Come on! If he had to raise these kids alone they'd never eat veggies, they'd have to pull out the instructions for the washer, dryer and dishwasher, and they'd have to hunt for things in the kitchen (the boys know where things are better than dh). After we move I'm going to set some new ground rules. I can't do everything by myself. The kids and dh will be in charge of making sure the second floor is clean and the WILL know where things go. I'd do it here, but we're moving in two weeks and it wouldn't be worth it. I will take care of the first (main) floor of the house, but if their stuff is left lying around they'll have to clean their beds off before they go to bed at night (that's where it's going to end up!). I'd go on strike, but I work here and can't do that. Things have to change. (God, give me strength)

By Tink on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 01:39 pm:

I think that's a great idea, Cat. It's a clean slate and if you're figuring out where things will go in the new place, your dh can learn right along with you...in theory, anyway. I think you probably have things even harder since you work out of your home. I really hope that things change for you. I swear I'm going to get some really ugly maid outfit one of these days and wear it day and night until my dh gets the idea that I'm not around to clean up after him. Ugh, it's such a bad example to set for the dks, too!

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 02:43 pm:

DH can't be trusted to make Mac and Cheese, when you have to add butter and milk, because he doesn't like to measure. like 1/4 cup butter and 1/4 cup milk is too hard to measure. He does better with the deluxe stuff, when you only add the cheese sauce.

No way would I lay in bed for 2 hours trying to sleep next to a snoring man. That's what the couch is for. I can even hear him out in the living room, but it's not as bad.

DH does help out. Yesterday, he and the girls cleaned up the kitchen, when the kids got home from school. The dishwasher was clean and the counters wiped off. What a guy, huh?

By Cat on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 03:06 pm:

Cori, that's my wish. Hey, I can dream. :)

Dawn, I didn't want to oversleep. I'm usually awake before my alarm anyway, but it'd be my luck to sleep late the one night I don't have it. Last time I slept on the couch (I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to wake him up with my coughing) the cat freaked the heck out of my! Nothing like waking up to a cat's tail in your face! lol

Dh is in a very good mood right now. He got some good news about a possible job (he's been looking for something different--there are some job politics he's not happy with where he is currently) and he's quite excited. Heck, NOW might be the time to get things I want! lol

By Cocoabutter on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 09:45 pm:

Well, with the house going up and everything, maybe he's a little preoccupied....

But at least you have us to unload on!

By Annie2 on Thursday, April 13, 2006 - 09:50 pm:

Cat, since my kids were little and I bed hopped to keep them in their beds AND now because my dh snores so loud; like he's cutting lumber, LOL, my alarm clock is a travel one. I can pick it up and go!

If my dh can not find something he blames the kids...to me, not them. The other day he thought one of the kids took his contacts lenses out of their case..."someone played with my contacts, now my case is empty". A moment later after trying to put contacts on top of contacts in his eyes..."Oh, I already put them in!". Ding Dong!

By Dawnk777 on Friday, April 14, 2006 - 01:40 am:

On oversleeping, when I go out to the living room, I always set the timer on the stove. It always wakes me up! Mine beeps 3 times, every minute until turned off. The first few times, I knew it had been beeping for a few minutes, but now I wake up the first time it beeps. I turn the alarm off in the other room, too, since it's worthless with DH. He'll turn it off, but not make sure I'm awake! We do have a cheapie alarm clock in the living room, but recently, it went off, when it wasn't supposed to yet!

By Karen~moderator on Friday, April 14, 2006 - 08:56 am:

Definitely sounds like some changes are in order. DH used to pull that *I don't know what you want me to get* thing on me about the grocery store. I told him that unless I wrote down something very specific, I didn't give a hoot what he came home with as long as *he* went to the store. Men can be so immature and manipulative sometimes.

I can totally relate to the breath and snoring too! I have a *very* sensitive sense of smell, and my DH LOVES onions, garlic and cheese. Those things STINK when that air is being expelled from his mouth at 2 AM! And he snores like an animal. For a while, when his snoring was bad, I was getting up and sleeping in another room, but I don't really have that option right now. So I poke and roll him and if I do it so much he ends up waking up and getting out of bed, OH WELL! I have spent *my* share of sleepness nights!

By Conni on Friday, April 14, 2006 - 10:28 am:

I thought about you last night. lol Brad and I went to the store late and got home after dh and Blake were in bed. Well, let me tell you when we walked in the house dh was snoring SO LOUD we both stopped dead in ourtracks and just looked at each other with big eyes. Brad started giggling- but my word!!! I just cant believe how loud dh is getting the older he gets.

He actually had the nerve to complain that I woke him up the night before last when I came to bed later than him. ROFL Uh, WHATEVER!!!!! He'll be keeping the whole neighborhood awake by the time he is 50...

By Cat on Friday, April 14, 2006 - 10:40 am:

Last night was much better. I don't know if he snored or not because I was dead to the world! lol He said he was up a couple times with the dogs (I vaguely remember something of the sort! lol). I did tell him last night about the snoring and his nasty breath. *g* He asked me why I didn't wake him up. Yeah, and deal with that fall-out. Next time I told him I'd just push him off the bed. rofl He is going shopping with me tonight (we've discovered--quite by accident--that the commissary is dead on Friday nights, but open until 8pm and it's SO peacefull to shop then!). Maybe after him going with me several times I can cut him loose an he can go alone! We'll see.

Thanx again for being here for me. It's nice to be able to vent to people that have btdt and (usually) aren't too judgemental.

Conni, too funny about your dh. Do you sleep with earplugs???

By Yjja123 on Friday, April 14, 2006 - 10:48 am:

Conni--Has he been checked for sleep apnea? My hubby's snoring was louder and he was grouchy from not getting enough sleep. I sent him to the doctor and he was sent to a sleep specialist. He was diagnosed with sleep apnea. He hates the breathing machine, so I can relate to not getting enough sleep due to husband snoring.

Cat--As far as the other stuff---I agree with Karen that some changes are in order. I would explain to him that his comments are hurting you and unless he wants his wife on strike he better start appreciating all that you do. Sometimes guys just need a reality check.
Reality--if you want to eat--treat your wife with respect.
Reality--if you want clean clothes--treat your wife with respect.
Reality--if you want to have sex--treat your wife with respect.
ETC....

By Karen~moderator on Friday, April 14, 2006 - 12:43 pm:

I have actually tried sleeping with earplugs, and it's uncomfortable, to say the least. And if you have young kids in the house, you don't want to *not* hear them in the night....so that's a consideration. And when you try to use the earplugs night after night, they HURT!

By Kim on Friday, April 14, 2006 - 10:50 pm:

Cat, I hope you had a better day today!

By Cat on Friday, April 14, 2006 - 10:59 pm:

I did, Kim, thank you! :) Shopping wasn't too bad tonight. *g* I even got to send him off by himself to get a couple things! lol I ran into a friend and poor dh wandered around like he was lost while I was talking to her! roflmbo!!! I guess he's not ready to fly solo yet. I'll keep him in training for a while. We'll have to start working on things around the house. I don't want to overload him too quickly. Maybe I'll start with loading the dishwasher. lol! :)


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