Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive April 2006:
this evening I was getting ds ready for bed. when he asks me Mom is this nice. I turn and he is flipping me the bird. I say no thats not at all nice and that I do not want him doing it again. I ask who taught him how to do that he then tells me his cousin(who is only his cousin by my brother marrying there Mom) So I told him not to do it again that it hurts peoples feelings. In the mean time my brother calls and I say thats funny was was just talking about you. He says what and I told him what ds had did and who taught him my brother gets mad and says i dought that he learned it from his stepson. He was taught at school mind you my son is only 4. I said well I don't think he learned it from school that if he had he would of did it before. ( all 4 of my kids spent the weekend at my parents and my brother and his family live next door.) He has never done it until today. He says well do you want me to ask sds. I said I didn't care he then asks and He told him NO. He said that maybe ds is lying to me and I said maybe but don't you think yours is capable of lying to you. He then gets mad and says that he don't think he did it and that mine is lying to me and I said well he needs to know that mine may be but his also could be lying also he says I am not dealing with this and hangs up. I call my Mom and by this time I am mad becasue my brother is saying my 4 year old is a lier. He is over there and told my Mom I called saying his sds is a lier. I told my Mom that he can't set there and say that his step son never lies and he then says He never has and don't think he is lying now. when not even a month ago my brother calls complaining that his stepson who they left alone at home had a can of hair spray and a lighter and they asked if he was messing with it he said No so my brother is calling and complaining that he knew he was lying to him. but he is now dening it. So I told my Mom to tell him that my kids will never go around them anymore. I am so mad its not funny.
Well, I understand you are mad. But I think you got sidetracked in your conversation with your brother thanks to his being a bit stubborn and in denial. lol
I dont think it matters who taught your ds to do this. That isnt the point. Because he will learn it sooner or later from somewhere. The point is to help your little guy understand that this is inappropriate and we dont do it. No matter who is doing this around him he needs to know that it is not ok for those people to do it and it is not ok for him to do it. Period... If he does it again explain to him there will be consequences (time out, loss of priveledges, whatever...).
Good luck! I have btdt with so many words, gestures, bodily functions, etc... argh! It's tough being a parent.
Ditto Conni all the way! There will be other things he is going to learn over the years that are *unacceptable* as well, so at this point, I would concentrate on teaching him the right from wrong aspect, and working into the peer pressure connection with a lot of this stuff. He's young, so he will only absorb so much, but this is going to be an on-going thing from here on out. Talk, talk, talk to your child all the time! Communication is absolutely necessary. And if it's necessary to avoid certain kids or limit the exposure to them - even if they ARE your brother's stepkids, then so be it.
Ditto Conni and Karen!
Ditto Conni and Karen. My ds first learned about it at age 7 from neighborhood kids.
Do these types of disagreements happen often between you and your brother?
I was so mad last night that I kept babbling. Dh and I talked last night and my kiddos will not play with or be around theres. I feel that if I can fess up and say my son may be lying then he should also be able to do say the same. I talked to ds and told him it was wrong and that it really hurts other peoples feelings and not to do it again or there would a punishment. as for getting along with my brother we are pretty close we have had some disagrees along the way. More here recently when he can call me and tell me while my kids have spent the nights at Grandmas how they do this and that and I need to start whipping there butts and that has touched my nerve alittle.My kids are kids. The only one who is onery is ds. and thats only because they have did it to him and he picks it up and I really don 't think it is any of his business how dh and I raise our kids. and when he calls me and complains about his stepkids lying and not listening to him. He is just a hard person to get along with it is his way or no way and as a parent you have to realize its not always what you want and how it should go. There are always bumps in the road. I just know that my kids will not play with them anymore.