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What Would You Do?

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive April 2006: What Would You Do?
By Ilovetom on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 09:12 pm:

I know this is going to be whiny and I know I whine about sports crap here all the time, but here goes.

The head coach for our girls varsity softball team is also our youth minister at our baptist church. Gosh I hope Pamt reads this. Okay so. My daughter Leanna loves the game and she plays well and hits awesome. Going into spring break she had the highest batting average on the team. 311 or something. Anyway. She is in the 10th grade btw.

So, last Tuesday our youth minister/coach called her a smart •••. I was mad and confronted him. He apologized.

She hasn't got to play in the last 5 games. Not only have we lost, but we have been stomped. I have bit my tongue and let it go. She has cried.

What would you do?

By Reds9298 on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 09:18 pm:

Oooooooohhhh would I be mad!!! I haven't been in this situation yet, but I feel badly for you.

What prompted him to call her that name?

By Tripletmom on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 09:29 pm:

Who's the adult and who's the child here.I'd be upset also.Are you paying for her to play? Sounds like he's the wrong person to be coaching.Why did he call her that name?

By Jewlz on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - 09:32 pm:

I think id have a informal meeting with him and ur daughter and sit down and ask him whats going on ... so he can lay the cards on the table and ur daughter can hear or take up or respond as needed. tell him everyone needs to get this out in the open cuz ur daughter not playing is getting really bummed and needs more encouragement. the language he chose to use was inappropiate and he needs to buck up and take realize he not just a coach but a influence on the kids. maybe by gettng it out int he open he will learn from u and ... u will from him also ... iknow its not easy to be a coach and they seem to have alot parents butting in. I would do this and get it all out ... so it dont ruin ur daughters fun with the sport.

By Ilovetom on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 07:51 am:

Thanks ya'll. I know there are parents who butt in. I am not one of them. I am not going to have him calling her names, so I did confront him and now she is paying for it.

He called her this because she is a little OCD I think and has it in her mind she cannot hit the ball in the middle or the front of the box. She can only hit from the back. Seriously. She strikes out anywhere else. So, that day he kept saying move up, move up, move up, move up and on the fifth move up she was taking baby steps - after saying 4 times I can't hit it there so she took a big step. It was smarty, but he could have chose another word.

Seriously, I am not trying to come off as one of those parents who didn't play anything in school so now I am trying to live through her. She is just good at hitting and it has been fun to watch it.

By Conni on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 08:00 am:

I would just use this as an opportunity to use him as an example of how we shouldnt act as an adult. God knows I have to do this alll the time with my own kids and adults that are in their lives. lol

I would let her know that I am not going to go handle this for her but she is welcome to go talk it out with her coach. This seems a little extreme how he is handling this. Maybe she'll have to go to him and apologize and be the bigger person- even tho its pretty ridiculous. Sometimes we have to do unpleasant things in order to move on.

I completely agree the coach is out of line. I dont even go in and talk to my 8th graders coach for him anymore. I talk about the issue with my ds and let my ds decide how to handle it. Occassionally he will go to his coach himself if it is a big enough issue and work it out somehow with the coach himself.

What a control freak the coach is being! ugh

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 08:05 am:

I would definitely have a sit-down with the coach. There is no reason for your daughter to be sitting out five straight games. Everyone has "their" way of playing their game whether it be batting, pitching, shooting a ball, kicking a soccer ball, etc. Especially hitting a ball, you have to be in your comfort zone. And it seems that she has found hers and does extremely well, so where does he come in telling her to move out of hers?

I wouldn't normally say this, but given the coach's actions here already, it seems he may be a bit jealous of her success, and is trying to be able to give her pointers or to possibly make her "not as good". I certainly hope this is not the case, but something needs to be addressed.

It seems she was doing just fine hitting from her zone, without needing to move up or anywhere else, so she shouldn't be pressured to. Now if she were not hitting the ball from her zone, she would need to try different areas, but she seems to have found hers.

I don't get it, but personally, I wouldn't have let it gone for five games. I certainly wouldn't let it go on for one more. She deserves to play as much as anyone else does, and youth minister or not, he needs to get a grip and show some maturity.

By Tayjar on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 10:11 am:

For one, there is probably a clause in his contract with the school as well as the state sports authority, such as IHSA here in Illinois. that he can't use profanity. I'd tell the administration. He could get fired for this or at least put on probation.

My BIL fired a cheer coach for having a bumper sticker that said S*** Happens. She appealed and lost. The state and the school said profanity in any way is not allowed.

I'd fight for my DD. The coach is very childish and unprofessional. I have coached rec league for many years and even at this league, it's unacceptable.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 01:47 pm:

Ditto everyone. If this guy is going to call her a smart*** for THAT, what's he going to do when he deals with a real little brat who is defiant, out-of-control, or uncooperative? Kids are definitely not nice sometimes and as an adult he's supposed to be able to control himself.
(I don't mean your daughter was. I don't think he had any reason to be mean to her at all.)

By Debbie on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - 02:15 pm:

You know, it is a shame that there are so many problems in organized sports. My boys love sports, but it is such a pain sometimes.

This guy was totally out of line to call your daughter that. You had every right to say something to him. I think, once again, you need to step in, especially since your daughter is hurting from his actions. I would point blank ask him why she is sitting the bench. Isn't there some type of rule that everyone has to play. I know there is in the baseball league that my boys play in. We had a problem with my oldest ds's coach last year. My ds was one of 3 players on the team that made allstairs. The coach had a very fair way of selecting them, he had a mock try out. However, one loud mouth, obnoxious parent had a problem with my 7 yr. old making it since he was one of the only 7 yr. olds. So, he told the coach that it was unfair of him to make it and on and on. He thought the coach was showing favortism(sp?) since my dh was assistant coach. Well, this coach started punishing my ds by making him sit the bench, putting him the outfield all the time, etc, just to show that he wasn't showing favortism. It got so out of hand (ds was also crying about it) that we had to talk to the coach. Dh told him that he needed to stand up to this parent and do the right thing, and that he was hurting our ds. The coach finally got it together after dh talked to him.

{{hugs}} I hope you get this resolved soon.

By Ilovetom on Friday, April 14, 2006 - 09:30 am:

Thanks ya'll.

Yesterday was like a normal day. She got to play again. I think a few of the girls that play were wondering out loud why their best hitter was on the bench. I think our 30 year old youth minister/coach was convicted.

It's been a hard lesson and I haven't been much help to her, but hopefully it's over. We just have 5 more games so the end is near. But still, I worry she will look back and say....I will never forget the time......

Thanks again. I appreciate the advice and stuff so much.


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