Going from one child to two
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive April 2006:
Going from one child to two
Share your stories. How difficult or easy was it for you?
It was different for me then it will be for you because of the my 1st childs age. But is was a big change. Timmy was 6 when we had Jade so he was a little older than yours. Dividing you time up for each is a challenge but you have to make sure you do it. Like leaving the baby home with daddy or mommy and taking the other child out for time alone with mommy or daddy.
Taking 2 kids out instead of 1 is a chore. Always get the baby out of the car first and then the older child if she is one you have to really watch for running or playing games. I always leave Jade buckled in until we are ready to leave the van. If I am packing the stroller up or whatever.
Your patience will be a little shorter but you will adjust to that and sleep is gone!! Try to get on a day to day schedule that will help allot. Good luck.
LOL, Melissa see my post on the parenting board under "Does anyone have a child like mine?"
Going from one child to two was rough for me. My kids are 22 mos. apart. DS was not potty trained or capable of doing much on his own. To top all that off, DD had GERD and was a high maintenance baby. VERY tough in the beginning, but I adapted and life got easier with time.
Honestly, one to two should have been more difficult but it really wasn't. My oldest is a dream, easy as pie but my ds has always been high-needs. Second babies seem more likely to be. I was very comfortable with having another child. Going anywhere with both children is much more than double the effort. It's hard, hard, hard to suddenly have to divide your attention when you've always been able to drop everything if your child needs you. You can't just stop nursing and grab the forbidden object that Kaitlyn has grabbed, you can't always sleep with the baby sleeps, all of your priorities have to shift again. I became much more structured when my ds was born. I didn't put him on a schedule but I got up at the same time everyday and showered while he was still asleep, cleaned in the mornings and evenings, played and ran errands in the afternoon, made sure I got some exercise several days a week. Good luck!
I think the most challenging part will be to divide you're time up and make it quality time instead of quantity and still finding time for DH and yourself but you can do it.I went from 1 to 4 and I'm doing ok.A very structured schedule helps so you can plan youre activties while the baby naps.Second time around makes it easier you won't be as nervous as you were with the 1st.My DD is 7 so its an easy age but still needs the attention Monday nights is her cuddle night with DH and Friday nights is our night together.Thank God I have a helpful DH and he does alot around the house so we can balance everything.Alot will depend on Nathans temperment I got lucky with 3 happy boys and no colic so I had it alot easier than some do with 1 new baby.
It was a BIG adjustment for me. My oldest ds was sooo easy, I didn't know how easy I had it until ds #2 came along. My oldest was only 26 months old and not potty trained when I had my 2nd. Having them close was hard, but I am very happy now that we did it, they are the best of friends. My youngest didn't sleep well, and didn't sleep through the night until he was over a year old. I was so sleep deprived. I found it hard to find the patience to deal with my toddler. It was just a really big adjustment in the beginning. It got easier after the first few months. I just found it hard to give attention to my oldest with all the feedings, diaper changes, etc that a newborn requires.
Tripletmom- I am in awe of you! I have 17 year-old twin girls. You are to be admired.
Anyway, my oldest was in kindergarten when I had them and he could do so much for himself and for me! It was an adjustment. Especially- going out!!! But you can do it.
Going for one to two wasn't that bad for me, but remember that was 14 years ago! LOL! What was bad for me, is that my older stopped needing a nap, once Emily was born, so I really couldn't sleep when the kids slept, since Sarah wasn't sleeping. She would stay in her room, but she always did something naughty in there. So, I remember being tired. I was working then, too, so there was no hibernating inside the house, after Emily was born, either. I had to go back to work, when she was 2 months old.
Then, when she was 10 months old, DH got a new job and we had to sell the house. Then I had to out with both kids, so we could have open houses with the house. For those 2 months I got to be a single mom to a 3yo and a nearly 1yo!
We moved shortly after Emily's 1st birthday and things have gone pretty smoothly since then.
I have to think hard, because my oldest is 22.
He was 6 months old when I became pregnant with his sister. I won't lie - it was very challenging. Luckily, they have always (well, ok not always) gotten along great and were a year apart in school. Now they're both about to graduate from college, they are extremely close and supportive of one another.
Perhaps having those 2 close together was why we waited 5 years before having #3.
I agree it depends on the temperment of the child. Each child is so different. And each time I gave birth *I* felt diff afterwards. I was high energy after my first child and bounced back like it was nothing. After #2 I pinched a nerve in my hip during the birth and couldnt stand up or walk well at all for awhile- so that made me feel awful. I felt very tired, I gave up pretty easy on nursing unfortunately. I think I may have had a little of the baby blues after him as well. I did not have a large amt of help with the 2 children. It took a good 6mos for me to feel normal again and look normal again. lol Then things started to fall into place with routines and became easier. For me TWO ended up being such a great number! I had decided I was done after 2. They liked to play with each other and are still close to this day. It was easy to divide time between 2 after they were a bit older. Dad takes oldest fishing and Mom takes youngest to park, etc... So its easy for the kids to get one on one time. Also easy to find someone to watch 2 kids !
Going from 2 to 3 was a bit difficult for me. Not so much that I couldnt handle the care of 3. Just that I really had not planned on a 3rd and it took me awhile to get over the surprise of hearing I would be starting over with another baby after my 2 boys were already in school! lol In some ways Blake is like an only child due to the age difference and the amt of time I spend alone at home with him. He is a rotten little toot.
You can do it! But honestly, I wouldnt try to throw a new job in there at this time if I were you. You are going to be busy with new baby, baby laundry, bottles or nursing, sleepless nights, etc... Plus recovering from being pregnant and giving birth. Relax and enjoy the new baby for awhile... then look into working from home if you think you are still interested in doing that. Again, that's jmo.
My daughter (first born) was much more difficult than my son (second born). He was so easy, that it made having two no problem. Jessica had colic and rarely slept. I was scared to death about having two. Addison came and started sleeping through the night at 3 months old. All my worries slipped away. The best part is having two means they play TOGETHER. It can actually free up your time sometimes. The most difficult thing I experienced was a longer recovery and I was very tired for the first few months.
I hope it goes great for you!
It depends on a LOT of things - each child's personality/temperment, the absence or presence of medical issues with each child, the age difference - which will determine diapers, diet, naps, playtime, amount of one-on-one attention needed due to all of that, etc.
Jeff and Jen were 15 months apart. They both had medical issues - Jeff was sick all of the time with throat and ear things, plus he had already had 2 eye surgeries before Jen was even born. Jen had apnea and had to be monitored 24/7. Jeff was not potty trained or anything else @ 15 months, so I had 2 high maintenance/high need kids to take care of. And I was trying to work part time. It was ROUGH.
Kaitlyn is potty trained, right? That will make things easier right off the top. She's not a sickly child, so that will make it easier. Depending on how much your DH helps, *that* will affect it too.
Any way you look at it, it takes getting used to doing for two instead of one, and budgeting your time and trying to get on a routine, and organizing things so it all works for you. Even with 2 sickly babies, once we got into a routine, things seemed to just roll right along. It all gets easier over time.
Thanks for all the advice. I'm not really freaking out yet, just trying to mentally prepare myself. Kaitlyn is potty trained so as long as i'm not surprised with a relapse we'll be fine there. DH has been a great help with DD lately, especially with her recently developed attitude problem. Hopefully that will continue after the baby gets here. And Kaitlyn is generally a healthy child. Never any medical issues and only a few colds here and there. I guess we'll hope and see. You girls know you will be the first to hear when i'm losing my mind, lol. ;) It really is neat hearing the different stories though.