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My life...

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: My life...
By Rayelle on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 08:35 pm: a complete disorganized mess. I'm not even kidding. I don't even know where to start or what to do. I have the usual chaos that comes with having a husband and three kids. This semester I took online classes but it's not the kind you can work at your own pace, you can get ahead not behind. I ruined my gpa this semester. I had a solid 100% in my business class until two weeks ago I lost track of the dates and missed an assignment. It was only ten points so I chalked it up to lesson learned. I just realized today I had a 100 point test due last week and an assignment due the next day and I got a zero out of 110 points! This is horrible! I'm failing algebra and I will have to retake it. I would do fine on the quizzes but bomb the tests and I think it's because I got ahead of schedule then waited to take the tests until I had to without reviewing enough, my notes weren't organized enough, etc. This is bad, it might very well have a negative effect on my financial aid. There is just always so much else going on. Between dh and I having one car and childcare, etc I always feel like I am on someone else's schedule but that's just how life is. It's hard to determine what is the most important when it seems like everything is.

To top it off the girls and I went to our friends house for the first time. They've been here but we never went out to their place. Now my 8 yr old is very upset because their house is nicer than ours. It's not bigger it's just put together and kept up. I keep up with things like dishes and laundry, etc but we tend to start a home improvement project, run out of money and/or lose focus. It's embarrassing to admit but eventually I stopped noticing things that would normally drive me crazy. I don't feel like there is anyplace I can keep things and them be left alone. I hate feeling like I need to guard the house to keep it from becoming destroyed. The kids are old enough it shouldn't be this way.

Now to top it off, I'm working too! The holiday season is more or less here and I'm not in a position to care about things like decorations. I feel like the worst mother on the planet. Before when things were bad I blamed it on not having enough money, I couldn't do it the exact way I wanted so I didn't bother. Now I know it really must be me. Anyone ever been here and recovered? I'm thinking about taking next semester off but I've lost time already.

By Bobbie~moderator on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 09:28 pm:

((((HUGS)))) I don't really know what to suggest. Life can get a bit crazy for everyone.

As far as your house having issues and your daughter noticing, this is a good time for a life lesson. Possessions don't equal happiness, you have a roof over your head and for that she should be thankful.

By Rayelle on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - 11:02 am:

Thanks Bobbie. I don't think it's really the aspect of "stuff" that bothers my dd. She is a naturally born organized person. I'd like to be organized but it's hard for me to get going and keep it up, it takes a lot of effort from me. I know I don't want to be the constantly scowling nag my mom was, she pretty much followed us around the house and nitpicked. Dh was brought up in a house where the dishes were washed after every single one was dirty. Like most things in life I'd like to find a happy balance.

By Happynerdmom on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - 11:33 am:

Well, gosh, it's been a while since anyone has mentioned Flylady, LOL! :) Yes, Rayelle, I was where you are, and I recovered! Like you, I was never really taught how to be a good housekeeper, and didn't know where to start. (Oh, I knew how to GET my house clean, but I could never get it to STAY that way, LOL! I constantly felt overwhelmed.) "Flylady" has a website that helped me tremendously many years ago. There are different opinions on this board, but for me, it changed my life. I no longer visit the website or anything, but it taught me basic ideas that have helped my life across the board.

Feel free to email me anytime! (((Hugs)))

By Crystal915 on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - 06:23 pm:

(((((HUGS))))) I am SO there right now, so if misery loves company, we're good to go. I wish I had some advice, but if I did, I wouldn't be in your shoes, so just hang in there!

By Conni on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - 08:43 pm:

Do NOT quit school, not even for one semester. The time will come (sooner than you think) where you will be finished with school, have more time/energy to clean/organize and the ability to get a job that will pay your bills, plus pay to finish your house...or buy a nicer home. You are young, you have a young family. FINISH SCHOOL NOW. Your kids will love you for it, and you will love yourself for it. :)


By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - 09:30 pm:

hi Rayelle...first of all...{{{HUGS!!!}}}
Secondly, I would approach (call) your professor and ask if you can take the test. Be totally honest and just say that you got ahead and the test deadline got by you. It never ever hurts to ask.
Maybe even ask for 10% off for it being late or something? Tell him/her that this will affect your GPA and therefore your financial aid, etc.

And, remember to take time for yourself...this could mean a movie or two for the kids while you just organize things in your life. As far as the house, sometimes that can be a distraction in and of itself. The kids can help too and maybe think of fun ways to get them involved. (We use many fake sprayers here that have water in them and he loves to help!)

And, I agree with Conni...keep going at it. It's difficult to get the ball rolling again. :)

By Cat on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - 10:53 pm:

If ya find that balance, let me know! lol I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm right there with you. I missed a quiz last month in one of my classes. I thought I had 14 days to take it when I actually only had 10. My instructor didn't let me take it late, but it was only worth 25 points. I'll still get an A in the class (I hope! I have a huge project due the 1st and I haven't got a clue about it! lol). You can do this! We're here for ya. :)

By Rayelle on Thursday, November 20, 2008 - 12:08 pm:

I asked and I can not take the test, she said it wasn't fair to the others and I understand. She said I'd still be okay. I decided I'm not worrying with algebra anymore, I have to retake it and it's taking time away from the classes I can still pass. I was going to work on history this morning but my book is in the car and dh took it to work! This is what I mean about how disorganized I am. Part of me just doesn't care. I think I might have that SAD, I don't know. I've been depressed in the past and it's not really that. Cloudy darker days make me just want to stay in bed where it's cozy and warm. I have to force myself to get up and stay up, but at least I can make myself. That's what makes me think I'm not really depressed.

I *LOVE* flylady! She changed my life for a while lol! I've been trying to get back into it, but all I can manage is shining my sink. I think I am back to thinking that if the room isn't going to look the way I want even when I'm done cleaning it why bother? I know what flylady has to say about that lol! Maybe I should start listening.

I just can't believe I let things get this way. I never thought I would put up with the house being the way it is. I never thought I would be 40 pounds overweight, practically failing out of school. At least these are all things I have some control over, or I should, which means change is possible.

Thanks ladies!

By Karen~admin on Thursday, November 20, 2008 - 05:10 pm:

I'm so sorry. I tend to agree with Conni - don't quit!!!!!!

By Amecmom on Thursday, November 20, 2008 - 05:44 pm:

I have been where you are. I could have written your post. I did write a similar one a while ago, and everyone helped me. I especially remember some great advice from Ginny. It took me a long time - almost year, but I can honestly say that I feel organized and mostly in control of those things I can control.
First, I took care of the house and in doing so, I organized my papers, books, bills -all the stuff that can take a lot of time unless you know exactly where it is and what needs to be done.
I bought a file cabinet. Everything of importance goes in there. Mail gets sorted right away. Bills go in a special accordion file marked with the first and second half of the present month and the coming month. They are placed in there according to due date. This way I try and pay bills only twice a month. I do them all online so it saves a lot of time.
Once the house is clean - then clean all the time. I found that if I got the house in what I call maintenance shape then I could clean just what got messy right away. I keep cleaning supplies in each bathroom so I don't have to go looking for stuff. I clean all the time (in bits) but I don't have to block out a half a Saturday to do housework and laundry because it's already done.
I did a really great cleanse diet which has helped me feel better and lose weight. I also have SAD, so I try and take some time just to stand in the sun and breathe.
My books go in only one place. This way I can find them when I need them. I can take ten minutes here or there to read or study, rather than wasting the ten minutes looking for things.
I made out a plan. It seemed silly writing down everything that needed to be done on a daily, weekly twice monthly, etc, basis, but it really helped put things in perspective.
As I said, it was a long road, but so worth it!! My house always looked great - we just moved, so I'm still working on the new place, the laundry is always done. I have time to work with my children and to study my music.
What I don not have, that you do, it the absolute deadlines of formal education, but what you could do it get one calendar - not several - and put every important due date on it along with all your other family and work obligations. This way you will see where you have to work ahead or rearrange things so it's humanly possible to get things accomplished.
If you read this long, I hope it was worthwhile and you could take some hints from here.
Good luck and lots of hugs.

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