Just need to vent
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2004:
Just need to vent
Please bear with me, I'm needing to vent to someone and I hope all this makes sense.
Yesterday DH tells me I'm fat (not in words,he pointed to my stomach) -- I'm not fat I weigh about 110 +/- lbs. I do have a bit of a pot belly. This has brought my self-esteem down even more than what it was already.
Last night DH informs me (this isn't the first time), we shouldn't have more kids right now even though my clock is ticking because I'm starting a new office job half at an office and half at home (the boss is very flexible), it's great because our child will be in school half days anyways DH's not sure I'm going to be paid for it all the time, whether we can live on what I'll be making and what he's making, etc. So fine, I tell him I can find a job to work at evenings in a store or something - DH goes on to say stuff about me working shift work - I can't do shift work, when I'm tired I need my sleep, I'm the type of person that could fall asleep almost anywhere if I'm that tired. I need to sleep at night, not work.
The job I will be doing, I'm the only one trained on the system we'll be using and the boss doesn't want to have to train another person because they would have to travel to another city for training.
DH and I haven't been getting along for quite sometime, we'll fight/argue, he gets stressed about little things and I mean little things, then he gets grumpy. When he's grumpy I get grumpy then our child will say "stop fighting" and things snowball.
I'm so frustrated I don't know what to do. I would love to have another child and I know we could make it work. I understand what DH is saying but I haven't been out in the actual work force for about 5 years. I enjoy working from home which is what I've been doing. I'm closing my business to start this new job.
I'm confused -- I don't enjoy my marriage, it's not fair to our child or to each other if we don't get along. I don't know what to do. I don't have much money, I can't afford to live with our child and be on our own. But I feel I need to leave and move on with my life and give our child a better life. I also know there are other guys out there that would treat me better, but that's the least of my worries right now.
There are other things but I won't get into those, this message has gone longer than I had planned.
Thanks for listening if you've read this far. I just needed to vent.
Well vent away....i think wanting another child is definietly the last thing that should be on your mind! That would add more stress to the marriage right now. Second..stop fighting in front of the little one. If you dh starts it then leave the room and just tell him later when the little one is asleep, if you have to leave then leave anything to avoid fighting in front of baby! Have your discussed counseling? If not, you should. If you want this to work then you guys need to get on the same page about alot of things.
(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry. I have no personal advice but whats mentioned above is a great way to start.
Well, I guess I have a little personal advice. When my marriage seemed to be at the "end" I knew I didn't want to give up and I hadn't put my all into it and couldn't walk away that way. I started by reading Dr. Phils book Relationship Rescue. Believe me, its GOOD! You can even get little sneak peeks about it on his website. I really, really recommend it.
Just know that you can always come here to vent, were always here to support you.
Forgot to add, the book worked wonders in our lives, even in areas we thought we didn't need improvement.
I agree now is not the time to be thinking about having another baby. I have learned that babies do not fix problems, they can sometimes make it worse. This is not from personal experience, but watching a friend go through this.
If your child is telling you to stop fighting then your child is obviously being affected by it. My dh & I try very hard not to argue in front of our children. Even the small amount that we argue affects them a lot.
It is not right that your DH calls you fat, & I hope that there is not any other emotional/verbal abuse going on. Maybe you need to talk to a professional. Figure out what you need or want from your relationship. If you are staying married because you need the financial support then that is the wrong reason. You deserve to be happy & so does your child. If you love your dh, then try to work it out.
I would not have another baby until things are worked out. You are thinking about leaving now, if things got even worse how much harder would it be for you to leave with 2 children?
I do think that you should try everything you can to make a marriage work and then if it doesn't you can leave knowing you tried the best you could. Perhaps you could ask him if he is willing to read "Relationship Rescue" with you or you can see if he would visit a therapist with you.
Best of Luck!
I agree that having a baby would probably not be a good idea right now. I'm sorry your DH is being mean, you certainly don't sound overweight, and it's awful for someone to make you feel bad, regardless. I can relate to the "pooch", I'm 105lbs, but have a pooch from carrying the kids. It can make you self-conscious to say the least! Feel free to vent here!! Only you can decide what's best for your marriage and your child... I'm sorry you are struggling with this!!! (((Anon)))