Mad at my friend
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2004:
Mad at my friend
I have wrote before about my friend and her so called boyfriend/on and off again that is. Well she broke up with him, but he still had her car, she does not have a licience but bought the car orginally for him to drive her around etc.. any way they break up she says I want the car back in my driveway , but he does not return it, 2 weeks go by and no car, meanwhile he is driving the crap out of the car, my friend has been complaining about the car, myself and the rest of her friends are stunned that she did not take one of us over to get the car and end it. He has also been stalking her with the car, when she goes to town she see's him drive by several times, and by her house. So all of us friends have been nagging her about the car because she is just being so stupid about it, anyway she ends up coming here for me to look after her dd, so she can go and talk to him, so she does and then she told him she has to get the car back because she just can not handle all the pressure that her friends are putting her through. when she told me that, I told her oh it has nothing to do with it just being ------- stupid, let him drive your car which you insure, so he can stalk you, and run the ---- out of the car so that when you do get your licience their is nothing left of it!! she said well I said that too... so the way I see it she sold us out for this guy, plain and simple. What it is all about is she wants to be on good terms with him so that he will babysit dd on the sunday's the way he was before they broke up, as it costs her 160 a month on a sitter , and he is not paying child support for the saturday since the break up. I am totally discussed with her. I know I said this the last time, ( I think) but I am not going to contact her anymore and if she contacts me I am not going to alow her to talk about him at all, and I am not going to be her back up babysitter on the weekends. only because she is just that stupid.
I think you are making the right decision. What else can you do when your friend leaves you for a man like that?
She sounds like a user. She gets what she needs from her friends & tells them what they want to hear. I would just tell her when she grows up she can come back around. That poor daughter of hers!
I know you have mentioned some of the things your friend has gone through, and put you through, for this guy. I can certainly understand your position of not wanting to be a part of it anymore. However, it sounds like he's manipulating her, and she needs support. (I hope you didn't really call her stupid, that would surely hurt her more than help!!) Is the car in her name?? If he's not on the title or loan he has no rights to it. Even if she doesn't have a DL, she can call the police to get him to hand the car over. (A licensed driver would obviously have to be with her to drive her home!) I hope your friend wises up, and I hope you care enough to be there when she does. Good luck with all of this!!
My friend is very stuborn, she will do what she wants when she wants to, and has shown her daughter that way of thinking and she is the exact same way. The other day I walked passed her dd and patted her on the head, and she glared at me, and said "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!! I said well excuse me, I was not hurting you, I was just saying hello . Sad part is her mom was sitting right thier and said nothing. Not sure if she was just tunning out or if she thought I could handle it. I was talking to dh last night and I said to him I bet you any money that she thinks that if she did not listen to her friends that her relationship with her boyfriend would have worked out.It is funny with friends either they tell you all the bad stuff about their dh or boyfriend so you as a friend think what a jerk, or they do not say anything at all and you as the friend think he is a really great guy, then when they split up they say oh he did this and that, and as a friend it is hard to imagine he could do and say all thoses things as she did not say anything the whole time they were together. Tell me how does a friend not give advice?? I am not good at this. For instance I have been listening to this friend for well 3 years, all the negative stuff about him , but she does nothing to fix the problems. I told her before that what I say stays between us, as another friend used me as the weapon , well------- said, and the boyfriend ended up hating me, so I told this friend do not repeat anything I say. which of course she did.But how do you not give advice when your freind complains constantly about the same things day after day? I just have no self control
Mrse, That woman needs help. And to think she won't run her mouth to him about each and every thing you say is just not logical. You tell your DH things about her and her life. She is telling her SO about things you say. The only difference is... She likes drama and is using the things you say to get her way with this guy. It sounds like one huge power play to me. He tries to control and when she doesn't give in he leaves. She tries to control and when he doesn't give in she starts throwing all the reasons he should in his face. And she is throwing your opinions in as examples to why he is a bad guy and wrong about everything he says, does, thinks etc.... Of course he resents you.. You would resent someone doing the same thing to you I am sure. If your DH started coming to you saying. Well Steve said this about the fact you don't ****. And Steve thinks I am right and that you are a bad ****. You would be like who the Heck is Steve and why are you listening to the opinions of someone that doesn't know me. Then if DH went back to Steve and said well Mrse said so and so and so on. and then came back and said Mrse Steve said.... You would be not be liking this Steve guy very much at all either. So why are you blaming this girls boyfriend? She is the one that is doing this and this girl is creating issues for herself and dragging you in to them. There is nothing you are going to say that will stop any of this from happening. Friendship or not you need to either, keep your opinions between your DH and you and stop telling this woman what you think or you need to stop talking to this woman. She is going to keep dragging you in to this mark my word and asking her to keep you out of it won't do a darn thing. You need to stay out of it or you need to move on......
Well I do not really have to tell my husband anything about her boyfriend, as she spills the beans right in front of my dh every time she is here, but you are right I have told him things that she has said to me about her boyfriend, but only because she is being so ridiculous. The whole thing boils down to she has used her friends and blamed them for everything trying to make herself look better in his eyes so that he will look after his dd. I Know it was very important to her to have him be apart of her dd life. Well he can be apart of his dd life he can even babysit, while my friend works because I am not being a back up babysitter anymore. The thing that makes me anger even thought I and other friends have said they would. Is that ever since her dd was born we all rallyed around her because he was being a absent father from the beginning, myself and another friend were at the birth he wasn't he never even went to the hospital, I actually stopped him on the street and told him he had a daughter.Every time she needed a sitter myself or my dd's or her other friend stepped in to take the pressure off of her so she did not have to worry. Rides from the grocery store, when he was being an ---- and she did not want to ask him to take her home ( with her car). When I told her when she got preganant that I would help, I meant it, but it gets kind of old when they have had so many problems so many fights, and you are always having to help in one way or another if it is for rides, sitter's, or and ear that is so blinking sore. I have come to the conclusion that she can do it on her own now. If I think back not one of my friends looked after my kids when I was trying to work and raise children, not even so I could go out and relax. Kind of a shame the door does not swing both ways.
I would say be supportive of her in helping her with her DD, but when she starts complaining of her boyfriend, just say, I am not getting in the middle of it anymore, so don't talk to me about it because you don't listen or care for the advice I have to give you, and simply change the subject.
Well this is day 3 and she has not called me, and I have not called her. You know melana I think that is a good idea, I was trying to figure out how to say that to her, and I think I will add that I am not going to be able to babysit her dd, that I think it is best her father watch her. I just wonder how long it is going to take for her to call me, usually it is me doing the calling, but not this time.