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I cannot believe my sister!?!?!?!?!?

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2004: I cannot believe my sister!?!?!?!?!?
By Boxzgrl on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 02:17 pm:

I just found out by my parents (she lives with them) that shes been sleeping with the neighbor.

The neighbors who is in his mid 30s (she just turned 18) and is married with 2 kids and 1 on the way!!!! Grrrr.... i'm so mad at her I could just strangle her. My parents only found out when his wife came over pi$$ed off. Their sons are my little brothers friends too. And my parents live in a neighborhood where everyone knows each other and everytime my sister sneaks over there a neighbor calls the wife at work. How horrible is that??? And there is nothing I can do. I just had to vent because this really bothers me. The woman (wife) is very nice and I feel terrible for her. She suspects something going on but doesn't know for sure. I KNOW my sister is because when questioned she just walks away and ignores everyone. And not to mention the fact that her last boyfriend who she lost her virginity to is a guy *I* graduated with! I just cant believe she turned out this way!

Sigh..........................

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 02:29 pm:

Wow! First of all, there is nothing *you* can do that will change her. And, I may be out of line here, but IMO, if she is going after older men at her age, she has some emotional issues that need to be addressed.

I'm sorry, I know how upsetting this is for you, and for your parents.

What are the chances of getting her into therapy or counseling? The root to her behavior needs to be discovered and dealt with. Otherwise, I'm afraid she'll continue doing the same thing and could end up with more disastrous results than *just* a wife finding out.

{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

By Tink on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 02:53 pm:

I don't blame you for being upset and needing to vent. I would be so mad! {{{Melissa}}} No suggestions or advice but I know how hard it is to see family making stupid decisions over and over.

By Rayanne on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 03:26 pm:

Unfortunately there is one in every family. For me it was my sister as well. The only advice that I can give you is to not give up on your sister. Be there for her even though it is killing you inside. My sister and I (After 8 years of HELL) are finally getting a realationship again. She looks up to me and loves me for always standing by her even when I didn't agree. (((((HUGS MELISSA)))))

By Vicki on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 03:29 pm:

I agree that there is one in every family that simply amazes everyone with what they do!! It really makes you wonder how they do the things they do that just floor everyone else that was raised in the same house!! I have no advice either, but know your not alone with siblings that do things we don't agree with!!

By Amecmom on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 03:52 pm:

Wow Melissa, I can understand how angry you are with her. I have no advice to offer you, just keep your cool.
Ame

By Boxzgrl on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 03:53 pm:

My sister and I had a great relationship until she entered 8th grade. I don't know what happened but she became such a bi***! And still is. I know teenage girls go through the attitude stage but she goes above and beyond. I am kind of annoyed with my parents because they have let her get away with it. It seems as if they just gave up on her. My sister tells my Mom she is stupid if she doesn't know something, if my Mom calls her she says shes too busy to talk to her and just hangs up. I dont let DD around her at all because she uses such foul language. And the thing that bothers me most is that shes a pretty girl... and she knows it. She is THE snob that everyone talks about. She walks around like shes the $hit. I guess i'm just venting about everything regarding her now. I just remember how she was a great little girl who did good at everything and now she just barely gets by. Her exact words to my Mom one day, "I'm going to find someone who has a lot of money to use like Chris (our brother) does." Someone tell me I was adopted! My brother can be a whole new story but i'll just leave that alone! I really hope my sister grows up one day.

By Bea on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 04:10 pm:

I'm sorry, but the first thought that entered my head was Chastity Belt. I realize that this is a serious situation. Is the wife leaving? Will your sister and he stop? Your parents may be able to have him prosecuted for statutory rape, since she was under 18. Here's a chart of the ages of consent in every state.

http://www.ageofconsent.com/ageofconsent.htm

By Rayanne on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 07:36 pm:

Melissa, unfortunately it seems like we have something in common. My sister and brother were both adopted and I wasn't. I was stuck with all the rules, my sister broke all the rules, and my brother hardly has any rules. I turned out fine. My sister got into A LOT of bad stuff and slept with A LOT of guys. My brother is extremely rude to my mom. He calls her a B@$^H to her face. If I ever did any of the things that either of them have, I probably would be dead. JK, but it's awful how things change. Hang in there and just keep your mind on your beautiful daughter and your wonderful hubby. They are what matter the most right now.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 10:56 pm:

Got one of those in my family too. I agree everyone has one. Some of us have ones that go way out in left field. My sister was so far out there we all wondered if she would ever get it together. Thank God she did. But it took her a long time to do it.... Sorry you all are going through this... And I hope everything works out.

By Feona on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 07:37 am:

True it is alittle werid, but she is young yet.
She probably thinks she is in love...

The guy messing with her is worse. He should know better.

Definitely sounds like she needs therapy.

By Eve on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 09:55 am:

I agree with Feona! This guys is just as bad or WORSE! He has a baby on the way. Hiw poor wife. We should be talking about him. Feona, is right. She probably thinks she is in love. Gosh, just a bad situation all around. I'm sorry, Melissa. Maybe some counseling couldn't hurt or maybe she'll just grow out of this and realize how crazy it all is. I hope so! ((HUGS))

By Conni on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 10:45 am:

Ditto Eve and Feona. My first thought when reading your post was what a JERK this GUY is. Your poor sister-- yes she made a very bad choice. She is young and it probably wont be the last bad choice she makes. But this guy is total scum bag. I hope his wife realize's it.

By Emily7 on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 10:59 am:

I feel so bad for his wife. Some men should be castrated! I agree though with Feona, he should know better. She is in no way innocent, but is probably looking for love & approval, & of course he is telling her what she wants to hear.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 11:14 am:

Yes, the guy should know better, and he obviously has issues too. But there's a reason this 18 y/o child - and 18 IS a child in many ways - is attracted to older men. She is looking for love, and she probably DOES think she's in love, but in going for older men like that, it leads me to believe she is looking for love and approval from her father. There are so many reasons young girls do this, and self esteem is not the least of them.

I know - I WAS that girl - at 16 I was seeing a 24 y/o; at 19 I was seeing a 30 y/o. You can't tell me THEY shouldn't have known better, and we won't even talk about what scumbags they were, but I KNOW NOW that I was seeking love and approval from my dad - which I didn't have, and I had always felt I was in competition with my sister, one year younger than I, who I always felt was pretty and popular and *had everything I didn't have*. So I was flattered that these older guys wanted ME! What a joke that was - I was an easy target, and this is what your sister is.

It's sad to see girls her age in this situation, but it makes me so angry that the MEN involved with them are taking advantage of them too.

This guy's a jerk, and I'm afraid this won't be the last time his wife has reason to be suspicious of him. But that's THEIR problem - your sister needs help, and I hope your family can give her the support she needs to get it.

By Rayanne on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 09:23 am:

Melissa,

Just wanted to see how evrything was going?

By Boxzgrl on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 11:50 am:

I havn't talked to my sister or my family since then. Maybe i'll call today and see if anything has improved.

I agree with the posts about approval from her father (my step father, though I guess hes my Dad since hes been around since I was 2). I felt like I did nothing right in his eyes growing up. Maybe she feels the same. But now that i'm moved out and have my own family, we have a great bond. Even then, I never dated older men. Well, never more than a few years older. I guess everyone deals with it in their own ways.


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