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Child Abuse, I need help making a decision

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2004: Child Abuse, I need help making a decision
By Melana on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 10:52 am:

I've met neighbors of mine, and the've got 4 kids and on average five adults living there. The two oldest are 7 and 4, and the other two are just barely over a year. The oldest has told me he and his brother, the 4 year old are hit not only with hands, which I have seen both of them hit upside the head on numerous occasions for insignificant things, but hit with plastic hangars, and dog tags in the face. The babies are neglected, not changed, fed, ext. I know I need to call child services, but my dilema is I'm the only one in the small appartment complex that knows what's going on, and I don't want to put myself, or my dd in jepordy by calling them. Should I wait till we move, I'm on priority for on-post housing and am hoping to be out of here in a month or so, or should I call them ASAP?

By Colette on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 11:20 am:

You should call asap. You can remain anonymous, let child services know you are afraid of retributions. How would you feel if you wait and something happens?

By Amecmom on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 11:23 am:

That's a question you need to ask yourself. How would you feel if in the next month or so, something terrible happened to one of these children and you could possibly have notified authorites before hand? If you can live with the answer, then wait.

I also understand your dilemna. You are afraid of reprisal against you or your child.

CPS is not allowed, under any circumstances to release the name of the person making the complaint - I don't think you are even obligated to give your name.

They can guess all they want as to who reported this. I doubt you are the only one who has seen the abuse. What makes you think you are the first one they would suspect?

I admire that you want to do what is right and help these children. So many people just turn away - and do nothing. Kudos to you, whatever you decide.
Ame

Ame

By Kittycat_26 on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 11:26 am:

I'm sorry but this is a case of what are you waiting for?

Call, remain anonymous, but don't ignore the situation or let it go.

By Mommierenee on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 11:36 am:

In most states, not only SHOULD you call, but once you know about it, you are REQUIRED by law to call!!!

Don't worry about whether they know it was you or not!

By Tink on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 11:57 am:

I would call. Their teachers could be the ones suspecting the abuse, other family members, other apartment residents, random person at the grocery store. I really think it is a neccessity to call.

By Mommierenee on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 12:01 pm:

Please let us know what happens, OK? I am worried now!

Sometimes these parents get on drugs or they just get their priorities screwed up in their lives!!!

By Rayanne on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 12:51 pm:

CALL!!! I agree with Colette. If something bad happens, you'll never forgive yourself knowing that you could have done something.

I used to run an After School Care Program. One day, I was talking to one of the little girls and one of her friends came up to her and hit her on the back, softly. She almost started crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she showed me this HUGE bruise. I asked her what happened and she said that her mom hits her. I didn't know what to do, so I called my manager and she said that I had no choice, and that if I suspected abuse, I had to call someone and also tell the principal. Well, unfortunately for me, the principal would not back me up and she stood by the mother's side. I was looked down upon and yelled at. I did, however, feel good about what I did because the little girl told me that her and her mom had a long talk and she told her that she would never hurt her again. She never did, and she did get counseling. She actualy thanked me the day that I had to leave, about a year later, because another program needed my help.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 12:54 pm:

Call, you will feel better about it. Are these military families neglecting their children? If so, CPS should be involved and someone in the Chain of Command should know. Its not something to take lightly, especially since the kids are sooooo young. Hugs for you and I hope you come to a decision that you feel right about.

By Emily7 on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 02:13 pm:

Call, that is one thing I never hesitate to call about. I would rather be wrong than to feel responsible for any type of abuse. I have called 3 times and it was never found out that I was the one that called. I was right each time.

By Children03 on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 02:41 pm:

I know that is a hard thing to do, but you need to do what is right for those poor children. That is wrong. I called DFACS on my own sister. It was the hardest thing for me to do, but my sister and her children were living in a drug infested home and being neglected all of the time. I am glad that I called and the children are no in a foster home being well taken care of. I had to do what was in the best interest of the children. I just denied calling them when she asked me about it. Don't wait, call now.

By Melana on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 02:42 pm:

What makes me feel they would know it's me is I'm new to the "group" No one else has called so far, and they've asked me on a couple of occasions not to report them, but I think I'll call anyway, I'll post and update everyone in a few days. I'll probably call the landlords and let them know how many people are living there as well, it's just not healthy.

By Janet on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 02:43 pm:

They've asked you not to report them? Man! Is that a red flag or what?

By Monicamomof3 on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 02:50 pm:

I've called on neighbors before. 3 months later, I got a letter from CPS thanking me for the call and letting me know that they chose not to remove the child from the home at that time, but that further investigation is taking place. CALL- it is the noble thing to do.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 05:32 pm:

REPORT THEM! I agree with Janet!

By Melissa on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 07:36 pm:

They won't know, I had to call on my SIL she asked them point blank and they wouldn't tell her, they can't. If it is based on something the kids said, the parents will probably suspect the school. Just deny it.

By Kym on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 08:37 pm:

Chances are someone else in the complex also knows or at least suspects something is going on, so if you feel it's necessary sooner is always better than later. And if they do know it's you, so what? You'll be out of there in a month knowing you did the right thing. I think we've all been in a similar situation, if you can do something to help an innocent child, you should not only feel obligated but priveledged even though it may be uncomfortable for you.

By Feona on Tuesday, June 15, 2004 - 06:16 am:

They are not going to know who called. Their family could have called for all they know. Or the school.

I would call.

By Emily7 on Tuesday, June 15, 2004 - 10:29 am:

I am sorry if I hurt your feelings, but being concerned about them knowing you called is a little less important than doing something to help the kids. Why would you care what a child abuser thinks of you. Unless you feel like it is going to cause them to go after your family physically, I feel like you have an obligation. I think to many people look the other way & that is wrong. Tend to one they have been reported before, especially if they asked you not to say anything. Get this family the help they need.

By Tattoofireman on Tuesday, June 15, 2004 - 12:43 pm:

Hopefully I can help.... I dont know what state you live in but if you are afraid then call 911, that away EMS services can come and they are required to report any abuse or neglect, at least where we live.. If I go to a call and see questionable stuff I am ordered to report it immediatly, this way it takes you completely out of the picture. Now you would have to have a good reason to summons EMS but if you feel the children are in serious mortal danger then better safe than sorry. Lastly you would be suprised what kids and adults alike will tell a complete stranger when they want help and help shows up. Hope that helps.. Good luck it is never easy.

By Momaroze on Tuesday, June 15, 2004 - 03:38 pm:

Let us know how it goes. These kids need a voice. You are doing the absolute right and only thing. Please do call!

By Melana on Tuesday, June 15, 2004 - 04:22 pm:

Well, I called today, and to answer your question of why I would care, I don't, not about weather they know, but I don't want them to take any retalliation against me, that was my whole problem in the first place. I did come to the desicion that it was more important to help out the kids, we'll se what goes on from here.

By Texannie on Tuesday, June 15, 2004 - 05:26 pm:

I think you made the right decision. I hope those children get help.

By Melana on Tuesday, June 15, 2004 - 05:37 pm:

well, saw the DHS caseworker go into the house, but she didn't take any of the kids at that time, I don't think, but who knows, I do feel better about myself though, knowing I made the right desicion.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, June 15, 2004 - 06:59 pm:

Good for you. I am so glad you made this decision.


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