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Advice about my depressed sis

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2004: Advice about my depressed sis
By Jelygu on Thursday, June 10, 2004 - 11:35 pm:

I have a younger sister who is severely depressed. She recently had a bad experience with an older guy, and hasn't recovered from it. She works with him, so she is depressed every evening after work. She is also a little overweight, and generally feels bad about herself. She feels inferior to all of her friends (her words exactly). I just don't know what to do. I am very afraid for her. Sometimes she talks about how she doesn't want to live anymore. I tell her that she can come over anytime, and that I am here for her, but I don't know what else to do.
It just hurts me so much that she feels this way. I know that I can't solve her problems, but I wish I knew what to say so that she knows that I love her and care about her problems.
She is always afraid that I am too busy for her, because I have a family and responsibilities.
Sorry this is so long, I am just so worried!

By Emily7 on Thursday, June 10, 2004 - 11:52 pm:

Her saying that she doesn't want to live anymore is a cry for help and a warning sign. You need to talk to her about going to talk with a professional. We can not solve everyones problems, sometimes it is just to much for us. You need to get her help. Find a crisis help line & give the number. Make her promise that she won't hurt herself make her promise to come to you. You need to just keep telling her how important she is to you & your family. How much she is loved. But MAKE her get help!!!

By Tink on Friday, June 11, 2004 - 12:15 am:

I totally agree with Emily. Depression runs in our family and it can be very scary to see a family member dealing with this but counseling and medication are more likely to help than just your support. It may be that no matter how important she may be to you, she won't see it that way. This isn't her fault but she may feel like she should be able to pull herself out of it. I would strongly suggest that she go see someone and even offer to go with her since it can be hard to go the first time. She isn't the first to deal with this but it is great that you care so much about her and see that there is a problem.

By Mrse on Friday, June 11, 2004 - 01:03 am:

I was feeling really low one day, and my sis picked me up, and took me shopping, and we just hung out together, sometimes just getting out of the house, make a suprise visit, and say come on! and go, even if it is just a walk or a coffee. I get really depressed sometimes, only once I was really bad, it just feels like someone was sitting on your shoulders all the time, when I finally snapped out of it, it was such a relief it was amazing. I agree with the other posts, she really needs to go see a doctor and get some help. Hope she feels better soon, been their and it is not a good place.

By Marg on Friday, June 11, 2004 - 08:17 am:

Jennifer,

I worked for a man for 15 years who belittled women subconsciously. That was almost 3 years ago. I should have went to some type of counseling but I didn't.

My self esteem is extremely low because of this. I worked with another woman when she left she went to therapy and said it really helped.

I really do believe she needs to talk to someone, I also believe she needs to change jobs. I know this is drastic, if it is a large company maybe she can change departments. But staying where she is at with her mentality is not going to help, BTDT.

I believe she also should see a dr. about taking medications. This helped for me, but I should have done more for myself. No one but me knew the #### I was going through. This is because everyone thought this man was so saintly (not exagerating, no one in the world except his wife and employees knew how he really was). I would start to talk to someone about it and they would say, "You'll get over it." It's not that easy once it is engrained into your mind. You have to remember she is around this negative mental environment for maybe 8+ hours a day. If she lives alone, this is probably what she thinks about before work (not looking forward to going), after work (what a depressing day she had) and before bed.

I know I sound so negative, but I wish someone would have just given me a little nudge, telling me "you're better than this." But no one did, she needs those positive words and influences on her life. Life is to short to feel this bad about yourself.

I know I'm rattling, but there are so many people like this out there and they are in that rut.

Did you know for every 2 negative comments a person receives they need 5 positive comments to feel better about themselves?

Good luck and keep us posted.

By Marg on Friday, June 11, 2004 - 08:19 am:

P. S. I do agree with the ladies above.

Depression also runs in our family. My sister is bipolar. Medications are a huge help if she is on them regularly.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, June 11, 2004 - 07:43 pm:

I live with my youngest son (or rather, he lives with me). He suffers greatly from depression, and in the past four months has had two hospitalizations for major suicide risk.

I agree very strongly with those above who say professional counseling and medication. You can be the most supportive and sympathetic, caring sister in the world, but until she gets some help with the chemical problems (and long lasting depression usually involves some chemical imbalances that medication really helps with), and some professional counseling to help her begin to see her way to some self-esteem, nothing will help. From what you are relating, I would be concerned that she is at risk, and would urge you to really press her to get some professional help. For one thing, maybe a counselor could help her decide to look for a different job where she wouldn't be around that guy every day - that is certainly bad medicine.

By Jelygu on Friday, June 11, 2004 - 11:27 pm:

I have some good news...
My sister has started taken anti-depressents, and she is being transferred to another department in her job. Hopefully things will start to improve for her now :)

Thanks for all your kind words and advice. I will certainly be taking them to heart. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers!

By Jelygu on Friday, June 11, 2004 - 11:27 pm:

I have some good news...
My sister has started taking anti-depressents (she went to the doctor today), and she is being transferred to another department in her job. Hopefully things will start to improve for her now :)

Thanks for all your kind words and advice. I will certainly be taking them to heart. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers!

By Emily7 on Friday, June 11, 2004 - 11:50 pm:

I am very happy that things are looking up. Hopefully she will talk to someone too.

By Feona on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 06:23 am:

Very good!

By Marg on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 07:08 am:

I have been thinking about you two.

I'm so thankful things are moving in the right direction.

It may take 2-3 weeks for her to feel any different with medication. Tell her not to give up on the medication:)


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