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Kind of put off

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2004: Kind of put off
By Mrse on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 01:35 am:

I have this friend, that I have known since we were little, as we grew older we grew apart, but still kept in touch, we only live 2 blocks from each other, and the other day I told her that I could not beilve that we hardly see each other maybe twice a year. I am always the one to call her on the occasion, left msg with her family which she says she never gets. She said that she has alot of friends and that she is a very busy woman with her church, that she is very involved with, and that she is always running her boys around. She said I quote " I have a life! with a giggle, and a smirk, and then proceeded to say maybe you should get one! well you know just because I do not go to church does not mean I do not have a life. She also said that she has alot of really close friends that she does not see for months at a time, I told her that that is not close friends, close friends are someone that you talk to at a min of once a week.( close friends to me means best freinds) For some reason, every time we are together I end up feeling like she thinks she is so much better than me. She had also came over with her 2004 car and lectured us on being smokers, and having the occasional beer and said if we stopped that we too could be driving around in a new car!! with a giggle and a smirk. The giggle and the smirk, is really what gets me, just the way she said it. when she left I just though you pretentious ----------. We were suppose to go for a walk tonight, but I have the flue, so I cancelled. Before I got sick I was going to call her and say I have to cancel because I took her advice and got a life. Not so sure I am going to be calling her in the near future, I have two awesome friends and when they leave from their visit with me I feel good, and so do they, and you know what that is all I need.Ok thanks for letting me vent ( like you had a choice eh?) thanks anyway lol

By Nicosmom on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 01:44 am:

Wow! What a rude woman. Keep the good friends that you have and be happy with that. Obviously she thinks that she is better than you. Who needs "friends" like that. If I were you, I would not call her again.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 06:06 am:

I decided a long time ago (which is easy at 65) that people I have known a long time are in two categories. Friends are those people who leave me feeling good, as Mrse points out. The others, whom I've known a long time but who don't act like friends, are acquaintances. I know them, but that doesn't make them friends.

I suggest that just because we've known someone a long time and have a lot of history, that doesn't make the person a friend - just an acquaintance and someone to whom we have no obligation.

I agree, Mrse - stick with your friends and let that pretentious acquaintance go her own way and giggle and smirk at someone else.

By Children03 on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 06:41 am:

I think your "so called friend" sounds a bit judgemental and stuck-up. I would not be wasting my time on her anymore. I know it seems hard just because you guys were so close as you were growing up but sometimes friendships do grow apart. Growing up my best friend just lived about 5 houses up from me and we did everything together, even all of the way through high school. After high school we stopped talking and it was for the better because we did get together one time after that and she had changed so much and I felt strange around her. If you don't want to let go of the "freindship" maybe you should just stop calling her and don't invite her to do things with you and she will start to wonder what you are doing and she will probably start coming around. Sometimes I think friends don't realize that friendship is a two way street.

By Trina~moderator on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 06:43 am:

She sounds like a thistle in your garden of friends. Time to do some weeding! {{{Hugs}}}

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By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 07:52 am:

Ditto everyone else above....

By Amecmom on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 09:22 am:

Ditto the above. This girl has a serious self esteem problem. If she didn't she wouldn't have to brag and put others down just to make herself feel good.
Don't have any contact with her, and don't bother trying to tell her off, because she just won't get it.

By Momaroze on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 09:24 am:

Ditto all!

By Emily7 on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 09:28 am:

Excuse me, but how christian is her attitude? It does sound like you would be better with out her.

By Tink on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 10:34 am:

I recently had to choose to stop calling a friend that I have had since high school. This was a very hard decision since I do not deliberately stop being friends with people but I felt terrible after I spent time with her. She talked about all the friends she has that were in the popular crowd in high school. Lightbulb moment! I don't care if you married into the popular crowd. High school isn't important, your car isn't important and neither is whether you drink or smoke. I know exactly what you mean about the giggle and they teach that at ----- school? Let her need people that accept you for who you are and are happy to have you for a friend.

By Janet on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 11:39 am:

I suspect you are a lot like me...loyal to the bitter end. I have tried to keep friends looong after I should've let them go, because I hate to let anyone go. And when it does happen, I think I almost go into grieving mode. Sometimes I realize that the only one working at keeping one of my friendships is me, and when I stop, then that's that. I hate to think that others don't think the friendship is worth keeping, and often make all kinds of excuses for them (like they're busy, they work, they have lives), but then I realize we just don't have it anymore. It's hard, but I think this is someone with whom you don't have a lot in common anymore, and perhaps it's time to let go.

By Pamt on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 02:22 pm:

Ditto all the above. However, I simply *must* comment on the "how Christian is her attitude?" Don't mean to point a finger Emily7, and I hope you will understand the point I am attempting to make, but I think when we (and I've done it too) make comments like that that we are doing the same thing we are accusing the "hypocritical Christian" of doing. Remember...Christians aren't perfect and still do some really dumb, rude, and horrible things. I've been a Christian since the age of 12 and still screw up, lose my temper, gossip, hurt people's feeling, etc. on a daily basis.

I would weed this friend out though. A real friend ahoul not say such hurtful things and it is really a one-way street in this friendship it sounds like. Hugs!

By Kay on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 02:39 pm:

I have to agree with most of the ladies that this does not sound too much like a two-way friendship. The only thing that I disagree with is what was said in the original post about close friends being those you speak to at least once a week.

I don't know about you, but most of my dearest and closest friends, like myself, are busy busy ladies who would love to have direct contact once a week but are unable to squeeze it in - family does come first to me, no matter what.

I just don't believe you can define a friendship by the amount of time/contact you have with them. To me, a close friend is one with whom you can not have any contact for a long period of time and then come together like you haven't missed a moment.

By Nancy on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 02:42 pm:

I agree it's time to weed. The other positive friendships you have will grow all the more. :)

By Emily7 on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 02:44 pm:

I completely understand the point you are making. I was standing in judgement of her, which is also not very "christian", I actually thought that after I posted. I think the only reason I said it was because it sounded like she was trying to say she is better because she goes to church.
I don't think anyone has the right to make you feel bad about yourself. When people seem to take pleasure in hurting you, its time to say enough. I have had to do this several times. My BIL told me during my postpartum that he basically despised me, I just looked at him & said, "you are allowed to feel how you want to about me. You are Eds brother & regaurdless of how you feel I will continue to love you, like I do my own brother.When you are ready to make ammends you know where I am"

By Mrse on Wednesday, June 9, 2004 - 06:03 pm:

Yes emily7 you did take it the right way , that she thinks she is better than me because she goes to church. I think church is a good thing, don't get me wrong. I do bielve in god. But you got to know this woman, she just comes off like she is sooooooooo great, I have heard maybe you should go to church with a smirk and a grin alot of times. I have to admit also that I have also felt inferior to her because I though she had a perfect life, goes to church , does not smoke or drink, etc... I had her up on a pedastal in my mind so high, but her family has made some major sins , and that is what brought me down to reality, that people who go to church are just like anyone else. But I would like to say, it is not just me that thought she was up thier on the pedastal she thinks she is , and it shows in how she acts, at least towards me.
I also understand she may have a busy life, but that is no excuse for not replying to an email, or just to pick up the phone just to say hi. My other close friend ( I told her about all of this) and she said to me well I guess I don't have a life either because every time you call I am here to answer the phone! boy did I laugh at that. I know I will not hear from her for a while, one day she will see one of my girls or dh and say oh get her to call me. Just like the phone does not work both ways.Everyone defines friendships their own way, I just keep my close friends close to my heart think of them everyday, and if I want to hear their voice I call them, and we exchange days. I for one, will never get so busy that I do not have time for my friends, but that is just me. p.s sorry for the spelling mistakes,

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