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Trying to conquer a fear

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive June 2004: Trying to conquer a fear
By Colette on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 12:09 pm:

Ever since my youngest was born, actually when I was in the hospital with her, I have had a reacurring dream that I am on a boat with my children and something happens (it sinks) and we all end up in the water - it's always the same river that leads to the ocean - and my husband saves our oldest but I can only save one child and I have to choose between my son or my youngest. This is a very realistic and upsetting dream. It upsets me to even type about it. Fast forward to the end of this month. Some friends - very good friends - have chartered a 50 foot sail boat (I think it's called a catamaran) for 3 hours on this very same river(and yes we are going out into the ocean) and they have invited a bunch of people - my family included - for a 3 hour tour. Dh is all for it, I am ABSOLUTELY sick over it, he said he'd take the kids and I could stay home, but that would be even worse I think. I've met the captain of the boat, and he's very nice, so I thought I'd go visit the boat beforehand and try and calm my fears that way. Any thoughts or ideas?

By Yjja123 on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 12:18 pm:

My advice:
Go but wear Life jackets.
Make sure all the children wear life jackets.

By Emily7 on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 12:31 pm:

One thing I learned from having my son is that you can't let fear take over your life. If you do you & your children may regret it. It seemed like everytime I had some one watch my son something happened, it got to the point that I would not leave him with anyone...even my Mom. My dh's company was having their annual Christmas Party in Deadwood, SD(about 2.5 hrs away) & dh wanted to go. I was terrified because that meant leaving my son in someones hands overnight. I did it & everything was okay.

By Sunny on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 12:44 pm:

I have two schools of thought on this. If you believe in premonitions and being able to sense events or occurences before they happen, I'd beg off and explain to my DH that I am too uncomfortable allowing my children on the boat.
If you believe that this is an irrational fear, then there are things you can do. Visit the boat beforehand. Make sure that the boat is equipped with emergency supplies, make sure you and your kids wear lifejackets (which if it isn't, should be the captain's rule), ask any and all questions you can think of to help ease your fears. Keep an eye on the weather reports and put off making a decision until you're sure. IF you are still uneasy, don't go.

By Amecmom on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 01:16 pm:

I've seen and heard so many strange cooincidences that turned into reality. Your dream is very vivid, it's been recurring, it's extremely detailed, I personally, no matter what anyone said to me or about me, would not go. It's not like you're letting some irrational fear rule your life or change your day to day existance. This is a special circumstance.

This is a one time thing, and probably an experience that you can live without. Let it all be some funny joke you laugh over someday, not something you wish you'd never done.

You'd probably be so nervous the whole time that you wouldn't have fun anyway.


By Amecmom on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 01:27 pm:

You could mee them after for dinner or offer to have a BBQ at your place. This way you get to be in on some of the fun, but you and your kids can be safe.

By Kaye on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 01:46 pm:

Let me first say I have been there with this. I used to have a recurring dream of a wreck that I was in and did not make it. vivid dream, I could see the interection, the van i was driving and even my license plate number. Well I started having this dream at 14 or so. By time i was 20 in college I still had it regularly, well sure enough, one day I was driving and went through that intersection. I had never been there before I had no idea that it really existed. So what to do...conquer the fear and drive through there...NOPE, I never went down that road again. Actually I won't even buy a white van (funny that at 14 I saw my self driving a minivan, when there weren't really any). Anyway, the one different thing about my dream was my age, I was 26, this is what the emt said when they were attending me. And sure enough by time I hit 27 I quit having this dream. I don't believe so much in seeing the future, but then again I do believe in God and I do believe that he can use our dreams to help us. So I think my lesson learned was to drive more carefully and I decided not to test fate (i also am now a certified dr ed instructor). So what would I do in your situation. I think I would try to avoid it..LOL. Really I think you need to take control, make sure it isn't the exact same as your dream if you go. For example can you see what you are wearing? What the kids are wearing etc. I would make sure I dress differently, I think I would then make sure I took some precautions on safety, certainly wear life vest. Honestly this is probably brought on by the realization that you are out numbered. It probably is an irrational fear. In the off chance that it is not, what can you do in the dream to make a different outcome. Maybe even try during your dream to change it. I think if you become proactive in this you can get pass the fear. Also have a drink before you get on so you can relax some :)

By Rayanne on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 01:54 pm:

My DH is a firm believer of this stuff. He says don't go.

By Amy~moderator on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 02:31 pm:

I don't know. My WORST fear EVER was my house catching fire - and as you know, my house caught fire 6 months ago. I used to dream about it often. For several months before it happened, I had on my "To-do" list - "replace batteries in smoke alarm". Well, we moved from that house into the house that eventually burned. On the "To-do" list there I had - "Test smoke alarms". I found myself thinking of ways to fireproof my house more and more. And then one month later - my Christmas tree caught fire and that was it. So, I somewhat believe that God may one day put us in a circumstance in which we must confront our greatest fear(s). However, I do think you should go. But BE PREPARED! Life jackets, etc. Discuss plans if such a thing happened. Look at the boat beforehand and inquire about emergency procedure. These things will help you feel more at ease. So, go! Try and have some fun - try not to let your fear overcome you. I really think you should go.

By Colette on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 02:36 pm:

Thanks everyone! I have met the captain before at a party (at the friend's house that is chartering the boat). He does boat tours for a living and is certified in everything, he has coast guard issued life jackets that are mandatory for children (but I saw a picture on his website of a child without one on) and available for all adults. I am going to try and check the boat out on Wednesday and go from there.

By Bellajoe on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 02:36 pm:

oh gosh, I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like such fun...(minus the dream of course). Follow your gut feeling, that's all I can say. And if you do go on the Catamaran, wear life jackets.

By Janet on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 02:40 pm:

I would go. Make sure everyone has a life jacket and enjoy yourself. No,I don't believe in premonitions. :)

By Christylee on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 03:19 pm:

I would just say go with your gut, sometimes that's what you have to do. I can totally relate to that fear though because I personally am not overly fond of water (I almost drowned at 4 yrs and my grandpa DID drown when I was 13) so I can say that I would just do what you feel is best for you all. I would for sure make all the kids wear life jackets and I would wear one myself. If you decide to go try and have fun and not stress out to much.

By Wandilu on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 03:48 pm:


By Mommyathome on Monday, June 7, 2004 - 05:03 pm:

I wouldn't go. If it's upsetting you as much as it seems to be, I would say it's not worth the three hour boat ride.

If you do go, have a plan in mind "just in case". That should help ease your mind a bit. Make sure your family is in life jackets, even if the other families aren't.

By Feona on Tuesday, June 8, 2004 - 06:53 am:

I would go an wear the life vests. You really can't drowned in a life vest.

By Children03 on Tuesday, June 8, 2004 - 07:16 am:

I think you should go and have fun and not worry about it. If you all wear life vests you should be safe. I have had this freaky dream since I was probably 15 it starts out that I am on a golf course with some people and someone hits the golf ball into a small pond on the golf course and so I dive in to get the ball and when I do I see a dead man floating in the water. I have had that dream at least a dozen times and it hasn't come true yet. Plus, I do not golf and I am not close to any golfers so I will probably never be on a golf course. I think people's minds just do crazy things sometimes - don't worry and go have fun. :)

By Amecmom on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 09:23 am:


I'm curious. What did you end up doing?


By Colette on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 09:52 am:

I am going, it's this Sunday. I am trying not to think about it to much. The guy who owns the boat has said I can come down and check it out, but first one kid was sick for a week and then the next one got it, so I haven't had time yet.

By Emily7 on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 09:59 am:

I hope all goes well for you & you get a chance to go down there & look at the boat.

By Amecmom on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 10:01 am:

Ditto Emily. Hope you have a good time.

By Rayanne on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 11:00 am:

Have fun!!!!:)

By Mommierenee on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 11:20 am:

I agree with some of the others that you can have dreams that "warn" you, but I believe that this may have more underlying fears coming out. I always have dreams that either I am being held hostage with my children & the armed man is making me choose which child I want to "lose" or that there's a fire and I can't get one of them out because there's not enough time, etc..
I think that it has to do with my having 3 children & being afrais that I can't love them all, or that they won't think that I love them all??

Something to think about?

By Mommyathome on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 01:28 pm:

Have a great time! Be sure to tell us all about it when you get back :)

By Colette on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 02:47 pm:

this is the boat.


By Emily7 on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 02:52 pm:

nice looking boat. You are going to have a good time.

By Colette on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 03:12 pm:

oh, and dh told his friend who is chartering the boat that since it's so close to our house, that everyone can come back here afterwards.

ummm...that could be 4 people or 40.

By Bea on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 12:52 am:

When we lived in Germany, we had planned a MUCH NEEDED VACATION to Bavaria. That morning, while trying to get away, EVERYTHING went wrong. The car battery was dead. DH had to ride his bike to the PX to buy a new one. The kids were hellions. When I tried to carry one of our suitcases down the apartment stairwell to the car, it opened, spilling our clothes all down the steps. I had a strange foreboding about the trip, but I'd looked forward to it for so long I was determined to go.

While we were driving on the autobahn, DH tried to help me with DS, who was still a baby in his car seat. I was in the back trying to feed him, and DH took his eyes off the rode to plug a bottle warmer into the cigarette lighter. There was an accident in front of us. When he raised his eyes, it was too late to stop, so he drove into the guard rail to the side of the accident. Thank God, we were shaken up but not seriously hurt. That was the only accident we were ever involved in as a family. To this day, I believe God was tapping me on the shoulder to warn me, but I wouldn't listen.

By Colette on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 08:47 am:

Well, I prayed for rain and it's absolutely beautiful out, so there's no getting out of it. Please think of me today between 11-2p EST and hope that I can keep my fears in check. TIA

By Texannie on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 09:14 am:

You can do this!!!

By Amy~moderator on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 01:55 pm:

Glad you decided to go and face your fear. I am thinking about you.

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 07:01 pm:

Well..??? How did everything go?

By Emily7 on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 07:02 pm:

I was just checking in as well.

By Kaye on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 08:06 pm:

I have been checking in all day...LOL. Collete, gotta post soon!

By Colette on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 09:58 pm:

Sorry, everyone came back here afterwards and they JUST all left (10pm). We had a blast. It was fine, the captain really went out of his way to make me feel better about it. It's much bigger than it looks on the web's 900 sq ft. and we didn't go way, way out to see, I could see people on the beaches. I am still not a boat person, but I could do this again.

By Colette on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 09:59 pm:

I meant sea, not see.

By Missymelissy on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 09:59 pm:


By Missymelissy on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 10:00 pm:

Sorry Colette, I guess we were typing at the same time. Oops. Glad you had fun.

By Kaye on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 10:05 pm:

Woo Hoo! I decided I would log on one more time and if no report I was going to find some news of the day, just in case..LOL. Glad all went well!

By Bea on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 10:43 pm:

I'm so glad you enjoyed your outing. I hope you get the chance to do it again soon.

By Trina~moderator on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 11:06 pm:

Phew! Glad to hear you had fun. Are you glad it's over now?! {{{Colette}}}

By Emily7 on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 11:07 pm:

I am glad all went well. How many people ended up back at your place?

By Bobbie~moderatr on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 11:26 pm:

Sounds like that is one fear you can count as simi conquered. Glad you went and glad it turned out to be a good time.

By Amy~moderator on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 11:33 pm:

Wonderful news, Colette!

By Annie2 on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 12:46 am:

Bea, I hope you see this. Maybe God was trying to stall or slow your family down so you didn't end up in the actual car wreck. Food for thought. :)

Colette, I'm glad you were safe and had a good time! Boats can be fun! Now your DH will want to buy one! LOL

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 12:53 am:

Annie, funny you say that. I had the same thought when I read Bea's post.

We went down to Tennessee to get my MIL to move her home with us. The night before we left to come home we made plans to leave early. I wanted to be on the road before rush hour. We went to bed and we all over slept. On the way home there was a big car accident. I know darn well IF I hadn't over slept we would have been in that accident. And you bet I was thankful.

By Feonad on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 07:14 am:

Good for you!

By Amecmom on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 08:35 am:

Yeah, Colette!
So glad you are safe and that you had a great time!

By Fraggle on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 08:40 am:

I'm glad you were able to relax and enjoy the day!

By Debbie on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 09:04 am:

Good for you Colette. Glad to hear everything went ok!

By Rayanne on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 09:19 am:

I'm glad that you had fun and that everything went well

By Eve on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 09:44 am:

So glad it went well, Colette!:)

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