Yesterday, I had to get dd from school early for the dr. the secretary told me " oh, dd's teacher wanted you to talk to her for a minute if you could." so I went back to get dd. Her teacher told me she had been weepy this week at school and asked dd if she wanted to tell me what she told the teacher aide. Dd said no. The teacher hinted around that it made dd upset when the puppy whimpered (she was crate trained by her foster we are trying to continue with that) and then she hinted around dd was upset about problems at home with me and dh. I was floored! Nothing is different here. the only thing I could think of is dh and I have been busier than usual this week and haven't spent as much time at home at the same time. I told dd if she had a problem of course she could tell her teacher but she could tell me too. I couldn't get her to tell me anything. She completely refuses to discuss it with me and I really want to know what is bothering her. i can't reassure her if I don't know the problem.

By Sandysmom on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 05:11 pm:

Awwwwwwwww, you must feel awful. Maybe she heard you arguing and that upset her even though it was nothing. Kid percieve things so differently. (((hugs))) You are an excellent mother!

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 05:49 pm:

Rayelle, let me tell you a story. When my youngest was in third grade, his teacher was a young, jeans-wearing woman with 2 years of teaching experience and, she believed, a lot of empathy. She asked me to meet with her one day, and told me that Scott, when asked why he hadn't done his homework, told her he was worried and having trouble sleeping and concentrating because we were so poor that he was afraid I wouldn't be able to buy food for his cat.
Well ... I did not know whether to laugh, cry, or slug my kid. I did feel sorry for this poor innocent teacher.
Yes, as a single parent I didn't have money to spare for much, but other than that, it was a great story and nothing else. (I guess it beats the dog-ate-my-homework excuse.)

Maybe your dd is disturbed when the puppy whimpers, and maybe you need to talk to her about why you are crating the puppy. Maybe you need to move the crate so she can't hear the puppy when she is trying to go to sleep.

I don't see any evidence in your post that you and dh are arguing, so I suspect that is not the case.

Maybe a meeting with the teacher and aide when dd is not with you, so that people can speak directly instead of hinting around. I do truly despise those hint/hint/hint touchy/feely maybe/whatif/couldhave/possibly kinds of discussions.

This is - speaking from long experience - not the last time you will feel like a horrible mother. It goes with the territory. Try not to lose sleep about it.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 05:50 pm:

And maybe it is a problem with a friend or classmate ... has the teacher considered that and maybe tried to be a bit more observant?

By Cocoabutter on Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 11:30 pm:

Maybe she meant that the problem with you and dh was HER problem WITH the two of you and not a problem BETWEEN the two of you.

When I was a kid my dad punished our cocker spaniel puppy for pooping on the carpet. The dog yelped and yelped all the way down the hall to his bed in my parent's room. At 6 years old, I was horrified. And mad at my dad. But my parents explained to me that it was part of training the dog, that the dog had to learn that the floor in the house was not the place to go potty, but outside was where he had to go, just like I go on the toilet.

She is still so young, and her brain is probably coming up with all kinds of ideas as to why the puppy has to be crated, ideas that to you and me may seem wacky, but to her might make perfect sense. She doesn't like that the puppy is locked up and she doesn't really understand why and could possibly be mad at you for it. Kids are just funny that way, coming up with thoughts and ideas all their own to rationalize things when all they need is someone to explain to them in slowly and gently what is really going on.

If you can't get her to tell you what is on her mind, you might want to sit down and calmly go fishing. Ask her if it's this or that, and ask her if it's the puppy crying, and maybe when you hit it, she will open up. But be patient and calm. That approach works best with my ds.

By Rayelle on Sunday, April 15, 2007 - 10:01 am:

Thanks. I am not so much worried about what the teacher thinks, I'd rather her not think I was some animal abuser but I'm not, it just bothers me that my dd would confide in a teacher's aide instead of me, since helping her is one of my main reasons for existing. Dh and I have explained things to her, I just think she is very sensitive, and she is very caring. She wanted to go with me to the dog's vet appt. friday and I let her go. She regretted it though, because she cried when it was time to take her temperature. The pup didn't mind, but dd sure did. I'm glad she went thought because she was there to hear the vet say how to help your dog learn, telling her no and tapping her on the nose when she won't stop biting, etc. I know the daily routines of the household have been a little crazy this week, but I saw no indication it bothered her. I want her to want to tell me stuff!!!