How do you know when its depression vs just being hormonal???
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive February 2007:
How do you know when its depression vs just being hormonal???
I have thought for a while now that I might be depressed. But its not so bad that I don't muddle through it. I just wonder if I could feel better?
I feel like I really don't do anything particuarly well. I can't keep my house clean, I muddle through work, I do everything at the last minute and I get easily agitated with my family. I feel hopeless sometimes like there is never time for me. Like being a mom is all I am now. I know that sounds so horrible because I do love my kids but that being a mom just overwhelms me sometimes. Don't think I would ever hurt my dk's because that is not the case.
My dh is great but sometimes I feel so empty there to. I mean I truly love him but a lot of times I just want to be left alone. I feel like I make it through work because I have to but by the time I get home I am done.
I have thought about going to the doctor but the thought of the money stops me because finances stress me out. I also worry about weight gain. I lost 75 lbs 2 years ago and have gained it all back and about 10 more. I can not gain anymore. Of course that depresses me. I mean I know that people are looking at me every day and saying what did she do that for?? What is wrong with me???? I just don't know what to do anymore.
I have been there for so long. I understand exactly what you are saying. I have a good family, good husband and would still be convinced that no one cares, I can't keep up with things, and my anxiety would always be through the roof. After my fourth baby I asked my doctor for an anti depressant to help with the anxiety and have been taking 25mg of zoloft for about 2 months now. I didn't realize how bad I was until I felt normal. For so long normal was slightly depressed. I would encourage you to consult your doctor. I know money is stressful, but if it is possible I think it would be worth your time. I couldn't believe how good I felt after starting medication and physiologically balancing myself out. And I am there with you with the weight. I have gained about 50 lbs in the last six years through the four pregnacies, but one thing I have learned is that I am not waiting to lose the weight to be happy. I am a good person, mother, and wife at this weight,but I would feel so much better being smaller. That is how I am approaching the weight issue. Good luck and let us know what you decide to do.
Well, when I get depressed and wonder if it's hormones or PMS, I usually just look at the calendar. 
It could be lots of things that are getting you down. Everyone gets down now and then, and sometimes it's harder than other times to get back up. You know, I usually get this way around this time of year because I get cabin fever, otherwise known as Seasonal Affective Disorder. Happens during winter months when we don't get enough sunshine and it's cold and people stay indoors more.
You don't say whether or not you are a sahm, but I am going to assume that you are. It is so easy for me (I sah) to get down because I am not disciplined enough to get busy doing something if I don't feel like doing it. After all, I pretty much set my own hours. I don't have a time clock to punch. So, if I feel like going back to bed after ds goes to school, I do (hubby works nights, so I like to snuggle in bed with him.) But, if we don't put ourselves on a schedule, we tend to let things slide. When that happens, I get frustrated as heck b/c I can't seem to keep up with the things that need to be done.
Obviously if you feel like a mom is all you are and nothing else, then you need to remind yourself how to be a woman for your man. Get a sitter and get out with him. Dh and I do that quite often, maybe once a month or once every couple of weeks. You need that connection and romance in your marriage or else when the kids are gone, you will only be 2 strangers alone in an empty house.
I just wanted to tell you I'm in a similar place. i have been diagnosed with depression in the past and put on med 2 different times. The most recent time was last year and the meds (prozac, then zoloft) actually made my symptoms much worse. I'm still not sure what's going on. I can be fine for days, even weeks and sometimes I can barely get out of bed. The house gets out of control and then I feel worse, it's a bad cycle. From talking to other moms though, the things I experience seem normal.I'm starting to think when I get tired, it's pms.
I have felt like I had no identity other than mom.Even when I worked part time because I wasn't really a career gal,or a sah, I was in the middle somewhere. Something that has helped me is going to school and pursuing some hobbies. I had my kids very young and gave up on trying new things for myself because it felt wrong.I am at my highest weight non pregnant, and it's close to my highest pregnant weight. I don't know what to do abut that either. I just bought size 14 pants without batting any eye and I don't want to let myself get too comfortable with that.
I don't really have any advice. It sounds like you should talk to your dr. In the past when I tried prozac, it worked wonderfully. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.I'll tell you something that's kind of simple that helps get me going on so-so days is actually getting dressed,lol! I have been in a funk where I wear sweats or baggy jeans with dh's shirts! No make-up or anything. Getting dressed like I have somewhere to go even if I don't helps get me focused, housework is more productive which boosts my spirits, more energy for the kids, it's a good cycle. I just can't always kick myself in the butt,lol!
You mentioned financial stress. I have been there. I've had some truly bad, unemployed times as well as the "supposed to" blues. Like I see someone with a new car and I think I'm supposed to have that to, Or a new coat, shoes, house whatever. I've come to find out that the people who seem like they have no money worries probably worry more than I do from debt or feeling like they should "keep up", but I don't know who they are keeping up with. Again I'm not always in the right frame of mind, but it does help to keep things in perspective.
Hang in there!
{{{ANON}}}} Go see a doctor.If you're depressed you'll always feel overwhelmed and unhappy.Tell the doctor what you just told us.If you need medication,its ok.You'll feel alot better about yourself.Sometimes it can be a big vicious circle and there's no stopping,but you recognize the problem now its up to you to either take care of it and feel better about yourself.or continue to get dizzy from the big vicious circle.Go for it ,you have to much to lose to ignore it.((HUGS))
Sometimes I get in a rut as a SAHM and have to remind myself that I have a life, too! I don't think I'm depressed, just can get in a rut like everyone can at times.
I will ask this though - are you on hormonal birth control at all? The pill, the patch, anything? I went through about 6 increasingly worse months of depression about a year ago. Fatigue, depression, feeling weepy one mintue and angry with my family the next. It was getting horrible. I saw my gyn and she changed my bcp's after telling her my symptoms. I noticed a change in everything about myself within 2 weeks! I've been "back to normal" for 6mths. (since I started the new pills) and I can't believe the changes that hormonal birth control can have on you. I just thought I would ask because if you are o n HBC, it could be a cause of your problems.
Ditto the others though in that you just have to find something that makes YOU happy and makes YOU feel worthy outside of your family. When you're missing that, it's easy to get down. For me it's working out and setting goals for myself, scrapbooking, and crafts. I also share the fruits of my labor on all of those things with my family, so it's nice to know they are proud of me.
(((HUGS))) Ditto Tripletmom. You have too much to lose to ignore it. Well said.
Anon, just wondering if you'd had a check up lately? Like Deanna, I went through a terrible time after having my dd. It lasted most of dd's first year. I finally went into the doctor and found out it was a combination of the birth control pills and an under active thyroid. Hypothyroid can make one feel very tired, depressed, anxious, and cause weight gain. Just a thought.
Also, I have struggled with depression since my teens, so anti depressants have been a really good thing for me. Even so, I have a hard time during the winter months due to the short, dark days. I read somewhere that even 20 minutes outside, even on the dreary days, can be so beneficial. I have made a point of getting out by myself or with my dd, and I have noticed a difference. It has helped me with my appetite, as well. I eat for emotional reasons, so I understand the vicious cycle you describe. The more depressed and tired I feel, the more I crave carbs and high fat foods.
I so hope you can find some time for you. It's so important. I am finding the better I feel about myself, the better I am as a mom. And you need time to pursue something you enjoy or something that makes you feel better!
Hugs to you. You're not alone. It's hard to be a mom full time.:-)
Hugs Anon. I experienced nearly the same symptoms as you when pregnant with my 3rd child. I thought everyone around me was being extra annoying, which made me irritable with them. I also felt as if I had to force myself to do the most basic things (go grocery shopping, take care of my kids, clean house, take a shower), it all seemed to be such an effort.
I saw my doctor, told him what I've written here and was diagnosed with mild depression. With medication I was very soon feeling much better - and I'm still amazed at how skewed my thinking was when I was depressed.
Like others have said, go see your doctor. You are worth the expense and s/he will know if your symptoms are caused by depression, hormones, stress or otherwise. You'll feel so much better when your thoughts are clear and you'll know exactly what to do.
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