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Would this upset you?

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive November 2006: Would this upset you?
By Anonymous on Sunday, November 26, 2006 - 09:12 pm:

Would it upset you if your DH called a non-blood female relative "sweetheart"? What if he did it in front of you? What if his only argument was that it doesn't mean anything and you disagree?

I've only every used those terms of endearment with him and the kids. If it doesn't mean anything, maybe I should start using it with all my non-blood male relatives.

By Andi on Sunday, November 26, 2006 - 09:14 pm:

I've called people sweetie before that are just friends of mine, male and female.

I guess it all depends on how it was used and the tone. I'm guessing if it was done infront of you it was harmless.

By Mrsheidi on Sunday, November 26, 2006 - 09:17 pm:

Yeah, I'd be mad. Especially if he never says that to anyone but you. Is she attractive? Personally, I wouldn't mind it if she were ugly as sin but if she were reasonably attractive, I'd be mad. JMHO

And, if it doesn't mean anything, then he shouldn't mind quitting if it means that much to you.

By Tink on Sunday, November 26, 2006 - 09:20 pm:

I agree with Andi. Our group of friends is pretty affectionate so we give each other hugs, use affectionate names, etc. when we're together. That's how I've grown up. Only you know the context of the situation but, given the details you shared, I wouldn't be concerned.

By Conni on Sunday, November 26, 2006 - 09:36 pm:

hmmm, I need more details. It probably would bother me though.

I got called *sweetheart* on the beach several times last week by the guy getting my drinks. It bugged me!!! yuck! Maybe the female your dh called sweetheart, doesnt like it! ;)

By Hol on Sunday, November 26, 2006 - 10:19 pm:

As a woman, I find being called "Sweetheart" by anyone other than my DH or my Mom, to be condescending if it is said by a man. I feel like the only thing that is missing is a pat on the head, too. :)

I don't think I'd be jealous if my DH called another woman, even a non-blood relative sweetheart, because we've been married a hundred years. (Seems like it. LOL!) However, in my younger days, I don't think I would have liked it.

By Kaye on Sunday, November 26, 2006 - 10:55 pm:

There is a comedian that uses the phrase..."i have been called ***ch so much I don't mind being called sweetheart or hon". That being said it is very southern for people to call each other those names. So for me I would take other things into consideration, does he ever use those names for anyone else? In what way was it said, did he say, oh she is a sweetheart, or was he leaving her a message that said, sweetheart call me.

My hubby calls my best friend by a nick name (beanie-from kolleen), I always call her baby. But it isn't something that just started, and it seems ot have always been that way...we have known her for over 12 years.

By Unschoolmom on Monday, November 27, 2006 - 06:30 am:

It wouldn't bother me a bit. Some people use those terms freely.

Just discuss it with your husband. Sometimes it's not about whether you should be mad or not, sometimes it's just about getting curious about some cultural difference between the two of you and exploring it a bit.

By Colette on Monday, November 27, 2006 - 06:34 am:

Wouldn't bother me at all - ds's orthodontist calls me "hon" every time he sees me - but it's just the way he is, it doesn't mean a thing.

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, November 27, 2006 - 07:16 am:

First question to ask is what is the pattern in your family and in your husband's family.

I often call people "sweetie", or "dear", "sweetie-pie", "sugar", but for some reason, in my family "honey" or "hon" is limited to family members. My daughter-in-law's family doesn't use any endearments with family or anyone else. So I think a lot depends on what is the usage of endearments in your family and in his. You might try to see/hear how other members of his family speak to each other. If there are different patterns, you need to (1) accept that his family pattern (the way he grew up and the habits he has) is different and (2) try to explain to him - when you and he are both not upset or angry or annoyed - that it does bother you and you would really like him to try not to use endearments outside of family.

Now, I'm curious - is a non-blood female relative a sister-in-law - maybe a sister-in-law you don't particularly like? In my family we don't differentiate between "non-blood" and "blood" relatives. Whether you were born into or married into the family, you're family, and I will speak to you the same way I would speak to my sons or cousins.

Unless you seriously think there is something going on other than your husband using a common term of endearment to a family member (non-blood, but still family), I suggest you'd be better off forgetting it and finding some time, maybe 3 or 4 months down the road, to explain to your husband your feelings about terms of endearment and how they differ from his.

By Breann on Monday, November 27, 2006 - 10:15 am:

The guy at our walmart tire center always calls me sweetheart. He's a "father figure" looking guy. Very nice. At first it made me stop and think. Now, it's just normal. He's just really friendly and cheerful.

I've called friends "hon" before. I call my DH's brothers "hon" now and then too.

If my DH called someone sweetheart, I would most likely be upset. Only because that isn't a normal name for him to use with anyone but me. If he used it with everyone (like the guy at the tire shop in walmart), then it would be different.

By Mommmie on Monday, November 27, 2006 - 10:26 am:

Totally normal for me to be called sweetheart by a man, whether it be someone I know, a coworker, someone I don't know or whatever. It means nothing to me one way or the other. They could be saying ma'am, same difference. No I wouldn't be mad.

By Tripletmom on Monday, November 27, 2006 - 10:44 am:

Only you can tell if it's inappropriate.If things are not going well between the two of you and your guard is up,then you'd feel uneasy.If your DH never uses pet names and your jealous of this person then you'd feel uneasy.If your DH uses these words to everyone,then I wouldn't worry.It all depends on what his normal behavior has been.If your sensing something new between the two of them and your not liking what your gut is feeling,find out why.(((HUGS)))

By Crystal915 on Monday, November 27, 2006 - 08:42 pm:

Almost every one of my male friends calls me sweetie or sweetheart. I'm one of only a few women in our group, and I don't take any offense to it. It's one of the only things that keeps me from being "one of the guys", and I know it's just a term of friendship with them.

By Lorebunde on Tuesday, November 28, 2006 - 09:26 am:

I dont think I would mind but I know my husband. He has so many female friends. I hate it when other woman use it to me though. There is one woman I work with who always calls everyone honey, sweetie. I find it condescending.

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