What would you do?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive November 2006:
What would you do?
Okay I hope that this does not offend anyone. I know that some people feel strongly about Pit Bulls. My dd has been invited to a party. They have a Pit Bull. I just really do not care for these dogs. I really am not comfortable around any strange dogs unless I am assured that they are safe. I have been like this since I was a child and nothing is going to change that. I know I have a large dog and I have always been careful about putting him up even though I know he is friendly. That is actually is problem. He is to friendly and I don't want him to accidently knock someone elses child over. I actually don't know what these people will do with the dog. But is it rude of me to ask. I am just really uncomfortable thinking of my daughter being there if I knew this dog would be out. I am planning on going with her if I can do so with offending them. Like I am checking up on them. Their dd has been here several times and they have never been here. But I am not as comfortable with that. I just really don't like the idea of having to be around this dog myself either. Like I said I have a thing about strange dogs. How would you handle this? Do you think it offensive to ask someone if there dog is going to put up? By the way this dog did charge us once when we went to pick the dd up. They have a fenced yard and were walking the girl up to the door and did not know he was in the fence. Of course they were like he wouldn't hurt you LOL! But I don't buy that. I don't want to offend anyone just please understand some people have a fear of dogs rather it be rational or not. Thanks for any advice.
I wouldn't worry about offending anybody.I'm sure they've been asked before.Your own feelings and your DD's safety comes before their feelings.Some people just don't feel comfortable with certain breeds of dogs or any strange dogs near their children.I'm sure your not the only parent dreading this question.
I fully understand your concerns, Beth. And, given that the dog charged the fence when you were coming up to the house, it only makes sense for you to say something like "It seemed to me that your dog is naturally protective of your home, and I am wondering if you will keep the dog tied up or kennelled when you have so many chidren in the house, so that the dog doesn't get upset." If the response seems strained in any way, you could continue, "I know, I have a large dog myself, but I'm just a bit leery of dogs I don't know, and I'm not comfortable about having a dog out and about with a group of children, knowing how young children can get loud and excited and how dogs can be upset by that kind of behavior."
Then, if they say the dog will be in and around the children, you have to make a decision.
As I say, I fully understand. My family had 4 different dobies, and right now we have a Rottweiler. Some of the dobies were fine with large groups, a couple weren't - and those dobies were kept in another part of the house or out in the yard when large groups were in the house. The Rottie is a couch potato and doesn't have an aggressive cell in her body, but she is big. So when we are around youngish childen and she wants to go up and sniff and lick them, I make her sit, because I know she could easily knock a child over in her enthusiasm to make friends.
And if I had a "protective" dog, or a dog that is by nature protective, I would automatically keep the dog away from any group of people in the house, especially young children. You can't blame a dog for following it's nature, but you can sure blame the dog's owners if they don't take the dog's nature into account and act accordingly. Bull dogs are by nature protective and can be very aggressive, and are just the kinds of dogs that should not be in a group of young, excitable children who aren't well known to the dog.
I'm sure I haven't solved your dilemma, but I do appreciate your concerns and think they are well founded.
I totally understand and I would decline the invitation.
Is this just a few hour bday party? If so I would simply say, my daughter can be a little uncomfortable around dogs, so I am going to stay at the party if that is okay with you. And go from there. If it is a sleepover I think I would say no, but I would say the same line as above. If they go in to..oh no not our dog. I would say, I know it is a little crazy, but it is just how we feel. You might as well broach the subject now, because it will eventually come up.
We had some new neighbors move in and they had a pit bull. At first I was really nervous about it. Just because of everything I've heard. But it really was the sweetest dog. Totally dependant on the dog though. I think that any dog can be taught to be mean and aggressive.
I would say to trust your instincts.
I know this may sound wrong to some people, but I also have a problem with people who do not corral their dogs when I come to their house. My dog is a real sweetie, and she is not a big dog, but her bark sounds like that of a big dog and she can be excitable and jump up on people. She sheds and also, when her nails haven't been cut in a while, they could probably tear someones pantyhose or at least pull a sweater. That is why I am always careful to put up the gate when someone comes over. I cannot stand when I go to someone's house and they come to the door and all these dogs come out, and friendly or not, I just do not like to be bombarded by dogs; especially since I have a little one. I definitely do not like pit bulls, and so I would just go and say, "Do you mind if i hang out for a while and get to know all of you since our kids are friends?" I'm sure they wouldn't say no. If that is not an option, then definitely trust your instincts. Let us know how things go.
Dog or no dog, I have never let my kids go to someones house without meeting with them. I would ask if you could come to the party and if there was anything you could do to help. This has worked for me in the past. The parents seemed thrilled to have an extra adult around to help with all the kids at the party. I was happy to observe the dynamics of their home, so in the future I could be comfortable allowing my kids to visit again without me. I have offered to help (and been welcomed) at quite a few parties. Only once did I end up not allowing my kids to visit the home again. Good luck!
I do not think it is ofensive at all the ask. I, like you, am not really fond of big dogs. I was bitten by a stray dog when I was little, so I think some of my fear comes from that. And, I am like Sandy, I hate to go to someones house and have dogs jump all over me. I stopped going to my previous neighbor's house for this reason. Her dog would jump all over me the whole time I was in her house. In your situation, since you don't know them, I would just say you would like to stay if that is okay(unless it is a slumber party) I have a hard time leaving my dks with people that I don't know at all.
Well we went over today to pick dd's friend up. She comes over about once a month on Sunday afternoons. They invited us in. They said before we even walked in the door that the dog was up. So hopefully that's what will be done at the party. I am pretty sure I am just going to stay with her since it will just be for the afternoon. I like the idea that someone else said to offer to help or something so it doesn't seem like I am just being snoopy. I will let you know after the party. It's not for another two weeks. I totally agree with what you all said about putting dogs up and not letting them jump all over you.
I guess I was worried that I would offend someone because I have had people say to me before more then once. Oh your not an animal or a dog person hmmm? Well I don't consider myself not one just because I don't want to share my plate, seat, lap whatever with yours. LOL! I also witnessed a dog bite a neighbor boy when I was little. This was a dog that ran the neighborhood all the time. But this day the boy yelled at it and it jumped right up and bit him in the chest. I never forgot that.