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How to Handle Univited Guests to Kid Parties

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive November 2006: How to Handle Univited Guests to Kid Parties
By Kate on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 02:12 pm:

Okay, I know it happens, but it hasn't happened to ME, until now.

DD's birthday party is in a few weeks and is at my home with limited space. We will be painting and decorating wooden jewelry boxes and making necklaces and other items. I had to ebay the decorations/napkins/tooters from Canada and paid a fortune for them. I have no dining room and only a small kitchen table (in a small kitchen) that CAN accomodate eight people max in a very cramped manner, with the leaf in. I invited six children and with my daughter that is seven. I have eight tooters, and seven of everything else. My older DD has already been told she can't participate in the craft (she's ten) because it was pricy and I'm trying to cut corners. In fact, I purposely bought the larger, more expensive jewelry box because I needed only seven and I will use them as their party favor. Boxes are $2 each and necklace supplies and such are about $1, plus all the paint/jewels/ribbon/etc. we are decorating them with.

I now have two uninvited guests....a sibling and a friend who is being babysat by the guest's parents. I didn't know how to say no and I was caught off guard. I offered to buy more supplies because I didn't know what else to do, but now I'm regretting it all. It's not a whopping amount, but it's an extra six dollars that I am annoyed about having to spend (and I cannot get more tooters in the right theme, so that's out no matter what). I also had just enough room between a child picnic table and a card table to do the craft on, so the kitchen table could be all set up for cake. And those tables accomodated eight, max. Sigh. What's done is done, I realize that, but opinions? And better responses for the next time this happens??

By Tonya on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 02:15 pm:

I would just tell the truth and say I only bought enough crafts for x amount of people. If it will be easier you can drop (invited child) off and we will call when the party is finished. We cannot accomadate the extras in our small home. Be honest.

By Tripletmom on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 02:30 pm:

When the party's done,you'll feel good that you accomodated the extra children.:) BTDT

By Angellew on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 02:31 pm:

I agree with Tonya. Be honest and tell them there is a why you only invited six girls. You are completed tapped out on space and cannot possibly fit two more, and you have already bought the supplies for the six that are coming. You can tell them, if for any reason, one of the other girls cancels, you'll be more then happy to accomodate the sibling!

I just think being honest is best or it's going to ruin your mood for the day (it would mine)!

By Karen~admin on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 02:36 pm:

I think it's rude of the parents to expect you to accommodate a sibling AND a child they they are babysitting. Those 2 should be kept at home and those parents can rent them a movie or something.

By Dandjmom on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 02:57 pm:

I agree, it will put you in a bad mood. You sound a lot like me when I was younger, I would have gone alone with this and not said a thing.

but now a days no way. first of all 6 dollars or 60 dollars, you bought what and how much you wanted to buy for a reason.

You have limited space already , and adding more children will call for more room and doing arts and crafts elbow room is needed.

As far as the invited child's parents that are babysitting, they should have told the kid's parents that they are babysitting. Well my daughter she is invited to a party that day so she will be out of the home for a while so if you fell that (so and so) will be lonley without for for a few hours then I will have to pass on babysitting. No she should not assume because her daughter was invited that means that ever other child in her house is invited also.

As as as the child that is a sibling that you now have a unexpected guest. None of my business but there must be a reason (age, just didn't want to), So it was easy for you to tell your 10 year old that she could not participate because of limited supplies and space. so why is it so hard to tell these other two kids parents? Yes even the sibling.

By Coopaveryben on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 03:18 pm:

I love birthday parties! After years of doing them I have found that the kids don't notice if the plates, napkins and tooters match. All They care about the spirit you do it in and if this is upsetting you then by all means call them back. Why are they wanting the other kids to come, do they feel they (meaning the parents) have to stay and can't just drop the one off and leave? I would call them back and let them know that space is an issue and you were wanting to keep it small and cozy, that they are welcome to come back and pick up the one child. It was rude of them to even ask you, espcially for a spare that they are babysitting.

By Cocoabutter on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 08:08 pm:

I happen to be planning my son's 10th b-day party this weekend, and I anticipated that the siblings would come. He is friends with 2 sets of brothers, and it would be inappropriate to invite one brother and not the other in both cases. He plays with them all, and feelings would be hurt.

I don't know if your dd has a friendship with the uninvited sibling, but if she does, I would have expected that the sibling would want to be a part of the festivities, too.

I have told my son that we will have no more than 12 kids, but I don't know if they are all coming yet. I told him that if anyone wants to know why they didn't get an invitation, he can tell them that his mom said he can't invite anymore people.

By Annie2 on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 08:56 pm:

I agree with Sherri on this one. It is disrespectful of the parents to add on siblings and friends but it's a party, for kids. You already said they could come so deal with it from this point on. Next time you need to just say no.

Go to Walmart. They have, in the crafts section, cute cardboard boxes in all shapes and sizes. Pick out a few, they cost about 87 cents. Let the uninvited guests and your 10 year old dd paint one of those, instead of the jewelry boxes. They will come out great and have something to go home your other dd can be part of the party as well.

Take out your table or move it closer to the wall and set up an old comforter on the kitchen floor. They can paint there.

These things happen. Be the better person and accept the other kids. You will be setting a great example for your kids on how to be a gracious host. :)

By Kate on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 09:31 pm:

Oh goodness, no, I don't know the sibling. I hardly know any of these people at all as it's a new school (she just entered K) and we've only been in session for eight weeks now. We've never had playdates or anything yet. That's one of the hard things about having a November birthday when school begins in September and invitations go out in October....not much time to form relationships!!

I wasn't prepared for how UPSET the birthday girl got when I told her. She says those girls were not on her special list she handwrote herself, and she doesn't know them and they are not invited. Sigh. It's so hard when you're trying to be gracious to others, yet you're riding all over your own child's feelings and it's HER day. What a mess. So now it's not just the aggravation, it's that my daughter is upset!! And the girl with the friend is going to be a twosome and the siblings are going to be a twosome since the friend won't know anyone. Sigh.

Wouldn't ostracizing the extra kids over in the corner with cheaper art materials be worse?? I WILL need an extra table now, and those four children will be at it, but that's the only way. I can't separate them from each other.

Thanks for the ideas for next time. I hope I won't need them!!

By Annie2 on Thursday, November 2, 2006 - 06:46 pm:

The kids are 5 years old. They will not be ostracized by painting a different box unless that perception is in the air. It's all about your attitude that will make this party a success.

As far as the pairing up, you can separate the parties at the table. The party will last a couple of hours. Just remember to hold tight to your guns the next time parents want to send along extra kids.

IMO, I think your dd picked up on your negative vibes about the unwanted guests attending. If you hadn't said anything in front of her, when the day came, she wouldn't even have noticed.

A few times when I given a sit down dinner party, friends have brought along a friend or a new date. I smile, set an extra place and enjoy their company. Sure, some of the food ran short but who cares. We met new people, still enjoyed ourselves and the evenings always were a success.

Be positive and enjoy the day! :)

By Tripletmom on Friday, November 10, 2006 - 01:15 pm:

How's the party planning going? Did you find any extra activities for the extra kids?

By Kate on Friday, November 10, 2006 - 03:16 pm:

Hello Sherri! I am taking a break from making frosting roses for the cake. Making roses isn't so bad unless they want several different colors!! Each color takes TWO frosting bags and it's all one big pain!!

I did buy all extra stuff for the extra kids.

Next week is her relative party on Saturday and the day before will be cupcakes at school. So by November 19th it will all be done with!!! Of course days later it's Thanksgiving, the next week my mother's birthday, and then BOOM, major Christmas season. Busy, busy, busy! :)

By Tripletmom on Friday, November 10, 2006 - 03:31 pm:

I'm glad things are working out.My DD LOVED Cassie when she use to watch that show.She also has a stuffed one.I've never made a b-day cake,I've always bought them.I'm dessert challenged LOL.Good luck with the cake and I'm sure it will all work out fine.:)

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