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This is a "how do I ..." question Please read

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive November 2006: This is a "how do I ..." question Please read
By Wandilu on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 12:00 am:

This may sound silly,but how does a person that has NEVER asked people to take their shoes off when entering her home...start asking people to take their shoes off.I know from past post that a lot of yall practice this,so maybe yall can give me some pointers.If you will remember,I'm the one that has been troubled with mold in my house for quite some time.We have found a really nice house to rent,in a very upscale neighborhood.They have done a lot of updating on it ,such as painting the entire house( and I even got to pick out the paint colors)to laying new carpet throughout the house( I picked this out,too).We are very excited about all of this,and want to keep it looking nice.So,how do you get people to take off their shoes without offending them? I only know of one person that is in our circle of contacts that makes people do this,and that's because he is a control freak as well as OCD ( I think thats what you call it).And its not because all the others don't live in nice houses,because they do. Its just that this is not practiced that much in this area. Anyway,I am very excited and glad to be moving,finally.TIA

By Hol on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 12:43 am:

Wanda - I am so happy for you about your new home! :) I would tell guests exactly what you told us. The carpeting is brand new and you would like guests to now remove their shoes. (Especially with the winter weather coming). I would even put a mat by the door for folks to put their shoes on.

My DD and her hubby have that rule. They take THEIR shoes off, too. DD works in an ER and SIL goes to crime scenes, so they don't want to walk in their home with shoes (especially when the baby started crawling).

I'm sure folks will understand.

By Colette on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 05:42 am:

I have two nice baskets right by the front door for people to take their shoes off and put them in.

By Bellajoe on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 07:21 am:

Taking off shoes when you enter a home is very common here. We usually don't have to ask people, they just do it. And we always take off our shoes at other peoples houses. If we don't know if we haave to, we just look at the people who are already they have their shoes on?

Also, if they notice that you have brand new carpeting maybe they will realize that they'd better take off their shoes. :)

Sorry i'm not much help, but i'm excited for you and your new home and new carpeting!

By Reds9298 on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 07:33 am:

It's also very common here and we also rarely ask anyone because they automatically do it. I think placing something at the door for shoes is a helpful reminder without having to say anything. We have a little mat at the door for shoes, but have also had a basket as well. Our own shoes are at the door, so that's another reminder.

By Amecmom on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 08:14 am:

I know some people who have socks or slippers - airline type - in a basket by the door as well. Some people even have those little booties that you can slip on over your shoes - that's what some o the realtors are using for open houses here where it can get quite muddy.
Good luck on your new place!

By Kaye on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 08:17 am:

It isn't very common here, but was in ohio where I came from. My personal opinion is this. I can understand why you want people to remove shoes. However I think that it is just rude to demand it. So I would set up the situation so people we would be enouraged to remove their shoes, but if they chose not to, then I would be thankful for good friends and worry less about clean carpet :) Set up a big entry rug, that will catch 95% of all the outside dirt and crap, put a basket out for shoes. Make sure you removed yours and set them by the door. In general I pop off my shoes when I enter and some of my friends will. But I also have one friend who has a bad toenail and hates it to be seen, if she isn't wearing socks, she won't remove her shoes, because it would embarrassing to her. It is just carpet, for me that needs to be kept in persepective, really do you want your eulogy to say, her carpet looked great, or she was always so inviting.

By Tonya on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 09:47 am:

Ok I have to totally disagree with Kaye here I see nothing rude about wanting your home to look nice and if that means making people take their shoes off then so be it. After they come over once with the new rule they will know for the next time. If they are not wearing socks and are embarrassed offer then a pair. End of issue right. The rule in our house is no shoes past the entry way PERIOD. No exceptions made everyone knows this and that is that.

My girlfriend has light cream colored carpet and no kids (so less chance of mess hence the light carpet that she loves) so is she suppose to put down an area rug and hope it catches 100% or chance letting someone ruin her carpet and the spots not coming out. Or should she keep her rule and no shoes allowed past the entry way.

I say your house your rules pretty simple. Your family and friends will all understand and will abide by them.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 11:49 am:

I wear shoes in my house, but even I take them off, when it's wet outside and I know they will make a mess, and the same goes for other people's houses, too. If it's raining or snowing outside, I will probably just automatically take them off, whether the host asked me to, or not.

By Conni on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 12:16 pm:

I can also understand wanting to keep your home clean. I dont know if anyone has ever run into this or not... But here is an example of a diff type of guest. lol My dh has had surgery on both his feet. For the longest time he was in a lot of pain (we're talking a couple of yrs or three) and he totally relied on his special made inserts in his shoes. He still to this day (4 yrs later) is bothered if he has to go indoors without shoes. He always has shoes on. But they are indoor shoes he only wears in the house. After having been close to a couple of people now with feet issues... *I* would opt to always have some slip on covers on hand that could be slipped over someone's shoes if they needed to leave their shoes on for comfort. (ok, granted their shoes arent muddy or snowy... my dh many times carries an extra pair of shoes with him in the car for days like that)

OK, just thought I would throw out a different angle.

I would leave a basket or shelves by your entry doors (garage, laundry, and front door). My kids and dh always seem to bring in company from the garage entry, for example. And then I would store some of the slip on shoe covers in a hall closet for any guests that might prefer leaving on their shoes. I have a grandma that has very sensitive feet and never takes her shoes off. However, like dh, she has *inside* only shoes that she puts on when she gets home. I also have a relative whose feet get sweaty and smelly and I dont think you would want that smell in your carpet. rofl

Congrats on the new home!!! Enjoy! :)

By Kay on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 02:25 pm:

I certainly would never bash anyone with a no-shoes policy in their homes, but it's just not something I would dream of asking someone to do whom I have invited as a guest into my home. That's just me - my carpet can be cleaned...I just want my guests to feel as comfortable as can be. I have some relatives who automatically take off their shoes when they come in - that's fine, but if they didn't that's fine, too.

I know how sensitive a lot of people are with their feet, whether because of special needs or an embarrassing condition. I was just raised that you make people feel as comfortable as possible when they're in your home.

It's very much a personal choice. I *would* like to know in advance of a home I'm visiting with that policy, because I may be wearing closed toe shoes for a reason when my pedicure is not looking great or if I have an ugly blister, etc.

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 02:53 pm:

I 100% agree with Kaye. It is not common here. I would feel odd to be asked to remove my shoes. I would never ask a guest to do so. There are great carpet cleaners out there. I also was raised to make guests as comfortable as possible. I know most of my friends would be offended if I asked them to start removing thier shoes.

By Tripletmom on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 08:25 pm:

I also wouldn't ask a guest/friend to remove the shoes.I have a big enough area to let people know where the shoes belong.If they choose to leave them on,no harm done.

By Pamt on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 08:32 pm:

I would personally be offended if asked to remove my shoes UNLESS it was for a cultural reason (i.e., you were Asian). If it's just to keep floors clean and looking good then I think it comes down to placing more value on carpets than the comfort levels of others. (Not meaning you in particular Wandilu since many others obviously feel the same). I hate going barefoot. Many people need orthotic supports in their shoes for problems, picked the "holey" socks by mistake that day, aren't wearing socks and have a fungus on their feet, have foot odor issues, etc. I hate to be shoeless and am ALWAYS wearing shoes in my own home unless I am in bed. Just like the support of shoes I guess.

However, that said, Signals catalog has a welcome mat and a sign to hang on the wall that both say "Please remove shoes."

By Pamt on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 08:33 pm:

Wandilu, just checked and you're in TN. I just don't think it can be done in the south without seeming either rude or pretentious. Sorry, but this is coming from a fellow southerner who knows how we all tick down here--LOL

By Amecmom on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 08:44 pm:

Well ... as far as being a Southerner, does Williamsburg, VA count as the south? My sister lives there and is a big "please remove your shoes so you don't scratch my new wood floors" person. She aslo has baskets for people to take slippers or booties from.

At my house, I just have my shoes off and most people take them off in the muddy season around here. They offer in the spring and summer, but I always say, no.

You could say, 'Wipe your feet real well, please ... unless you'd care to take off your shoes ... I do have these comfy ... (insert whatever you have). You can even say they can take them home with them so they don't get skeeved out by having on slippers that someone else wore.

Up here, it's a given.


By Pamt on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 09:36 pm:

does Williamsburg, VA count as the south?

Depends on who you ask--LOL. It's debatable because you have the metro DC influence so it's not so southern. The rules are all different in the "deep south"--SC, GA, AL, MS, LA, and TN. Florida is a different type of south because of all the snowbird influence too. So while geographical southern, in other ways not too southern.

By Pamt on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 09:37 pm:

Oops--that was supposed to be in red---not as a separate link to nowhere. :)

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, October 31, 2006 - 11:50 pm:

Hmm, this is a tough one. I grew up in the NE, and while it wasn't common, it wasn't a big deal either. I actually saw it more often in TX, I think. So, would I be offended if someone asked me to take off my shoes? Well, depends... I've asked people to take off their shoes if I have just mopped, and it's muddy, but agree with the thinking that a friend is more important than flooring. I'm frequently barefoot/in socks in my house, and tend to take off my shoes at friends' houses as well. A basket to encourage people to remove their shoes is a great idea, I even have one, although no one but our family uses it, however a sign might be a bit much.

By Paulas on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 12:05 am:

This issue always amazes me whenever it comes up. I guess being in Canada where we have two seasons...mud and snow...I can't even begin to imagine someone entering my home with their shoes on. Right now my front entry way is tile and it is BROWN with MUD and I've already mopped once today. I couldn't imagine that mud on my carpet!

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 06:51 am:

I have dear friends who ask everyone who comes into their home to remove their shoes. They have a bench in their entry way vestibule, and a basket of pull-on slipper socks (the kind with rubber designs on the sole, so you won't slip on hardwood floors).

I don't know what I would do - well, yes, I do. I would never get light-colored carpeting, and presently have a hardwood floor with a runner at my entryway.

I think you can politely ask people to take off their shoes and put on the socks or alternative foot coverings you provide. But, don't be surprised if some people are offended. You may have some who won't come back to your house because of this. And I think you'll have a hard time getting any repairmen, etc., who come to your house to comply.

Or, you can do as some suggest and have an area rug at your entryway, made of something that will really catch any dirt or water from people's shoes as they enter.

But, bottom line - it's your house and your carpeting and your guests - so it's your decision.

By Conni on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 07:00 am:

LOL, Ginny! I am with you! I will never again have light colored carpeting! Before we moved I had picked out a darker colored carpet for my living area and bdrm. However, in Costa Rica we do not have any carpet at all and I LOVE it. So when I go home I am determined to figure out how to change my living area and bdrm floors to tile or wood...:)

By Jackie on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 08:44 am:

We do not ask people to take their shoes off here either. I mean we have dogs here, what would be the point of having guests take their shoes off if we have dogs walking around who romp around the backyard. We have a great steam cleaner. Of course though, if shoes are muddy or something people just automatically take them off. I wear my shoes in the house too, so does my youngest. My older 2 kids take theirs off as soon as they come in, just because they like it that way.
I grew up in the Chicago area, and my mother never made anybody take off their shoes. Granted, winter time with the snow and sleet, people just took them off when they walked in, and left them on the door mat.

By Kaye on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 09:47 am:

I only knew one person growing up that had the rule. However my mom was in a wheelchair, this lady would quickly wipe down my mom's chair before letting her come in. We only visited twice, before my mom just said that ain't going to happen. As a guest it just made her feel "too dirty" and not good enough. Her chair wasn't dirty, just regular from the car to the house type stuff. But far worse than shoes. It made an impression on me. I will never put stuff in front of people...period. And honestly you never know how people will take it. I do remove my shoes. If I see you have a basket of shoes, I slip mine right off, it doesn't bother me. I have a son with big sensory issues, we have some asian friends, my kid can't function without shoes. So we have to bring his own special house shoes when we visit. We do this because it is a cultural thing, but if it were a dirt thing, these are friends we would lose in a heartbeat. It is a huge deal here.

I guess what I am saying is, you just don't know everyones experiences, people have issues. I just wouldn't call them out like that.

By Dana on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 10:24 am:

I didn't read the replies, but I find most people remove theirs without me asking. We have our shoes all at the door. When guest see this they just do the same. If not, just say, "You may leave your shoes here" and they generally will unless they have a foot problem.

By Bea on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 10:50 am:

Our family removes work shoes at the back door, but I would never ask a guest to remove shoes on entering my home. When our house was open for a homes tour, the people who organized the tour had operating-room-type-booties for folks to cover their shoes before entering the homes on tour. If I really didn't want shoes in my home, I would consider buying them for my guests before I'd ask them to remove their shoes. BTW I live south of Williamsburg. I have friends around here who remove their shoes indoors, but they would never ask a guest to do the same. To me it would be rude.

By Debbie on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 01:17 pm:

We take our shoes off when we come in, but I don't make visitors take theirs off. Most of our neighbors will kick theirs off, probably because we are in a subdivision with brand new houses. Now, if someone's shoes are muddy, I would ask them to take them off.

I would leave a basket by the door, most people will see shoes there, and just take theirs off too. If you want no exceptions, I would make/buy a sign for the front entry.

By Insaneusmcwife on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 04:23 pm:

I had a sign when we were in Okinawa, unfortunatly it got lost on the move to 29 Palms but it read something like:

This is an American home run Japanese style, Please remove your shoes :)

We had that rule until we moved into the house we are in now. We don't have carpet just a few throw rugs so it doesn't much matter to me now. When we move and have carpet again we will go back to removing shoes.

By Wandilu on Wednesday, November 1, 2006 - 10:12 pm:

Thanks ladies for all of yall's advice.I guess I will just play it by ear ( or FEET :) teehee ) and see how we feel when we actually get moved.I tend to lean more toward not asking them to remove their shoes,because I have always felt that was rude and hated doing it myself at other places.But,since this is a rental house and they have fixed it up so nicely,I want to be extra careful with it.If I were buying the house,I would have picked out a dark color,such as Hunter Green.But,she only gave me three choices to choose from...light beige,med. beige ,or a brownish-mixed Berber. I chose the med beige or the Berber,and she went with the med. beige. She also made a mistake when she told the painter to get the paint.She forgot to specify a glossy,washable paint and he got flat paint.And he was almost finished when we discovered it. But the painter said that this flat paint( Porter Paint ) was actually somewhat washable.I hope so.I am sooooo picky about my walls looking nice.I just hope we can get things worked out so we can buy a house soon.

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