Consumed By Addiction....
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I am consumed by my partners addiction to alcohol.
I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I worry, I'm sick to my stomach constantly, waiting for the next drop of his binging. I feel like I just want to run and hide from HIS problem. I know this probably sounds weird. I just hope someone else can relate to the way I feel.
I know its not me and I know I can't control his problem, and I feel that I have tried everything to help him. I want to leave but when I look around I feel so overwhelmed by just the thought of uprooting my children. even though I know it IS the BEST thing for them.
I wish I could just help him stop. Sometimes he admits to having a problem and then right back to the same thing again. I guess I am rambling.
I have great support from friends and family, and I have been to alanon. But I love him. I am just scared and sick. I pray that God will watch over him and me and my kids and that someday things will get better.
Why can't I just get the strength to say that today I have had enough. I want a normal life.
If anyone can give me alittle hope I would be happy to hear anything at this point.
I feel so desperate and consumed by a problem that isn't even mine. If that makes sense. Okay I guess I just need to vent. Thanks for listening.
Go back to AlAnon.
Look, you know that things won't "get better" until he admits that he has a problem - really admits it - and starts to work to do something about it. Until then, he won't change and the situation won't change.
In the meantime, you and your children are suffering. And your children are seeing that alcholism is acceptable behavior.
No, his drinking problem isn't yours. Your problem is that you can't decide whether to leave him, or to admit that he is so important to you that you will put up with living with an alcoholic and telling your children (by your actions) that being an alcoholic is OK. Until you really want a normal life for you and your children, you will continue to cling to your love for him. But, do you really love him - alcoholism and all - or do you love the man he was before he began drinking and the man he is when he isn't drinking?
I know what I'm saying is harsh, but I have seen too many lives destroyed by addiction. The question for you is not whether he will destroy his life (or maybe seek help), but whether you will destroy your life and run the risk of destroying your children's lives. And children of alcholics, especially those who are not removed from that environment, are more likely themselves to become alcoholics.
Here's a link to an About site with lots of links to sites about and for children of alcholics: Children_of_Alcoholics
I agree with Ginny and send you lots of cyber hugs.
I have been watching Intervention on tv and I wonder if there is that is a new thing in addiction treatment.
Seems on the show the whole family gives the drug addict or alcoholic an ultimatum.
Go to rehab or you will be cut off from the entire family and I will go to court so you never see your kids again. Most times they actually have the court order in place before the intervention. One had a something like the alcoholic had to stay away from the husband. Warrent of protection or something.
Because kids should not be exposed to extreme alcoholics.
So they have to chose their family or rehab.
You would have to have an amazing support system to do that. They do it on the show and it seems to work. You have to have steel strength.
Any way just an idea.... Hugs.... and go to alanon and children of alcoholic meetings!
The kids should go to alateen if they are old enough.
Anon, I'm thinking about you and praying about you.
Thank You Ginny I need all the prayers I can get.
Did you know there are Al-Anon and Nar-anon (12 step programs to help friends and families of alcoholics or addicts) meetings that you can go to on-line or on the phone without leaving your home or office. If you don't have unlimited long distance or internet phone get a phone card. E-mail me if you want times or days or more info. You don't have to speak so you can just listen if you want.