This is not the first time. Im torn as to what to do cause I want to leave him now. My daughters wedding is in in 17 days and I dont want to put a black cloud over her day. I dont think I can put on that big of an act for that long of an period. I am so hurt. We renewed our vows and suppose to mean something. I'm shaking and crying and hurt so bad.

By Jtsmom on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 06:59 am:

I don't have any advice for you unfortunately. It would be easy for me to say what I would do, but really I don't know. I am sorry and I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I can only imagine how hard it is going to be for either decision you make about whether you stick it out until after the wedding or let it all come to a head before the wedding. I have never been one to be able to hold my emotions inside or put on a happy face when I am hurting so bad especially for something so important. I am sending you a big hug....

By Colette on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 07:27 am:

((anon))

By Tunnia on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 07:35 am:

I am so sorry you are going through this. I also do not have any advice, but I will pray for you. {{{{{anon}}}}}

By Vicki on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 07:38 am:

My heart is breaking for you. It would always be terrible to find out, but it has to be especially hard with the wedding coming up. Thoughts and prayers for you. I am sure you will do what is best for you!!

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 08:16 am:

{{{HUGS}}}

By Cat on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 08:43 am:

I'm so sorry. I don't have any advise, but I can send lots and lots of hugs and prayers. {{{{{Anon}}}}}

By Karen~admin on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 09:11 am:

Wow. I don't know what to say to you. I can pretty much imagine the heartache and devastation you are feeling inside. I'm so sorry. :-(

{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}

By Tonya on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 09:35 am:

The only thing I can say is I am sorry.

And with your DD wedding so close I say try to keep it together until after. This day is so important to her and this would make things so hard for her to know what is going on. Things are going to start getting really busy with the wedding maybe you could dive into the final plans and try to keep your mind off other things.

By Tarable on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 09:53 am:

Could you just kinda stay away from him until after the wedding. Be really busy and maybe as Tonya says dive into the final plans?

Maybe make a lot of plans with your friends also to fill in the time you are not helping your dd with the wedding? Keep busy is the only thing I can think of if you don't want to let on until after her big day.

I don't really have any advice. My heart hurts for you. I just want you to know you will be in my thoughts.

{{{{ANON}}}}

By Hol on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 10:47 am:

I'm so sorry!! I think I go along with Tonya and Tara. As difficult as it is right now, in a way, you probably aren't surprised that it happened again. I know that two and a half weeks will seem like an eternity while you are going through this, but for your daughter's sake, try to just stick it out. Afterward, your mind will be able to focus just on what YOU are going to do. Right now, you are distracted with the wedding plans and all, which might be a blessing under the circimstances. You will need a clear head to decide what you are going to do with your future.

I think the best advice is to just try to stay away from him as much as possible. And for your health's sake, DON'T be intimate with him under any circumstances. After the wedding, I would be checked for STD's, first and foremost, then go TALK with a lawyer. Usually, the first consultation is free. He/she might give you insight to decide what to do, whatever that is.

(((HUGS))) to you. I wish that you were not going through this. It is SO common today. So many women are going through it, not that it makes you feel any better, I'm sure. Hang in there. ((HUG)) again.

By Nicki on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 02:31 pm:

I'm so sorry, Anon. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You must be feeling so very hurt. We're here if you need us.

By Paulas on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 04:18 pm:

I agree with the advice given. I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. Hang in there. Prayers and hugs!

By Tink on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 06:51 pm:

Big {{{Hugs}}}, Anon. I can't imagine going through the next two weeks like there is no problem but, as a mom, I know that's what I'd try to do. Please come to us at anytime if you need some support or a shoulder to cry on.

By Conni on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 10:20 pm:

Ugh...I'm sorry anon!!!! (((Hugs)))

By Wandilu on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 11:08 pm:

Bless your heart ,Sweety. I will be praying for you.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, April 18, 2008 - 05:46 am:

Ditto Tonya and Tara, and expecially Ditto Hol. And I will be praying for you. From one of my all-time favorite books, Cold Sassy Tree, I will pass on the prayer recommended by the grandfather figure. The best prayer we can pray is "Lord, give me strength!". I will pray for the Lord to give you strength for these next few weeks. You can only live one day at a time, and pray for strength each day when you wake up. Then you can cross that day off your calendar, and there are fewer days left until your daughter's wedding. God bless and keep you.

By Luvn29 on Friday, April 18, 2008 - 08:04 am:

I can't even begin to imagine how you feel right now. It is so awesome of you to be putting your daughter first right now. You are an amazing woman. As a mother, I definitely feel you are doing the right thing by allowing your daughter her day before going through with leaving him if you decide to do that. But I understand how hard it has to be living with him right now feeling like you do.

Does he know you know? Does he know you are waiting on doing anything till after the wedding? Or are you just not saying anything.

Just know that you are a strong woman and you will get through this. As said above, throw yourself into this wedding and all of the details. Get lost in her happiness. Before you know it, her wedding will have come and gone and you can decide how you want to move on with your life.

You have all of our undying support and strength. Many, many prayers for you to get through each and every day.

By Debbie on Friday, April 18, 2008 - 09:11 am:

{{{Big Hugs}}} I am so sorry you are going through this.

I would definitely try to keep things under wrap until after your dd's wedding. I know it will be very hard, but you will be happy that you did it. I think you would regret it if you acted now, and it had a negative effect on your dd's wedding.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

By Jelygu on Friday, April 18, 2008 - 01:47 pm:

I am so so sorry you are going through this. I agree with all the above advice. And I also agree that you are a strong woman for putting your daughter first in a time like this.

Sending prayers your way!

By Paulas on Saturday, April 19, 2008 - 08:21 am:

Anon...wondering how you are going. I have been thinking about you.

By Tsa on Saturday, April 19, 2008 - 12:16 pm:

I agree with what most are saying, however, why do you have to wait until after the wedding to visit the Dr. or the lawyer. Now is a perfect time to get YOUR affairs in order. Your husband won't suspect anything --you are busy with wedding plans. Start taking action and come to grip with what the next month will bring.

Good luck and I too will pray for strength.

By Hol on Saturday, April 19, 2008 - 01:48 pm:

How are you doing TODAY? As Ginny said, ONE day at a time is all you can handle. It's all any of us can handle. Just know that we are here for you, and praying for you everyday.

I know that it will be very difficult to pose for the "parent" pictures, and keep a smile on your face. However, do it for your daughter's sake. Those pictures will be her keepsake forever. And one other thing.....children, even adult children, cannot empathize when a parent is going through a marital infidelity situation. They cannot be objective because it is THEIR mother AND father. YOU are the one who has been hurt and betrayed in her eyes, not her.(That's untrue, but she won't see it that way). If there is a a shadow cast over her wedding because of this, she won't blame Dad (where the blame belongs). She'll blame you. It is not fair, but that's how kids are. She wants her parents there as a unit on her "big day". Unless you have already told her, I don't think I would for now. Let her enjoy all the glow of being a bride. It is one of the greatest wedding gifts you can give her, even though your heart is breaking. Someday, she will understand and be grateful. (((HUGS))) to you, Sweetie.

By Tonya on Saturday, April 19, 2008 - 05:39 pm:

Just wondering how you are doing? Come talk to us we can listen and help even if it is only a little bit. Good luck stay strong.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

By Anonymous on Sunday, April 20, 2008 - 12:28 pm:

sorry I havent checked in with all of you. I'm not very good at hiding my feelings, so when he called he knew something was wrong and eventually that he was caught. Well we had a few words on the phone... he denied it and then that night he came home early missing friday work to work it out ssome how. I blew a gasket and laid in to him ... i got enough off my chest to be able to gget thru the wedding and deal with all the other pressures .I have printed off proof of the affair from his email acct and will hold on to them in secret place and deal with this later. We spent the day with my daughter getting lil things bought and doing things that needed to be done. More or less distracting things to not have to have one on conversation. The daughter duznt know about the situation and I tole him if she was to find out then Id have his ***** in a sling being shot into space. ty for all ur advice and being there for me this is so hard to deal with that I wasnt sure I that I could. With friends like you guys, my second family , I can get thru this ty and hugs

By Bobbie~moderatr on Sunday, April 20, 2008 - 09:25 pm:

Oh hun, I am pretty sure I know who this is and I am so sorry to hear this... That is a bunch of nonsense (had a harsher word in mind but this one will do). You stand strong and get through the wedding. There is plenty of time to face your issues later. You know you can come here to vent until then... Please take care of yourself.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, June 16, 2008 - 11:12 am:

How are things???

By Annie2 on Monday, June 16, 2008 - 11:44 am:

Thinking about you, too.

By Jewlz on Monday, June 16, 2008 - 11:45 am:

Thank you for checking on me... ive decided to start school and get my ducks in a row... that way when I leave his sorry butt then he will have to finish payin for it and still pay alimony. Im still sick to my stomach and dont live in the bubble no more. I realize the truth once a cheater always a cheater ...least with him. im so sick of this situation that im back on antidepressants. The wedding went off ok ... He thru a fit about pictures and so we didnt get all the ones we should have. Anyways I know what I have to do and now my eyes are wide open. hugs to ya Bobbie