Okay, this year alone we had five trees and six stumps removed. We then had the land leveled in those areas and filled with dirt and grass seed. Then we got new windows, a new roof, and new siding. Then the extra touches like nice, motion sensing exterior lights (three of them) and security lights for the back, and a new welcome mat, etc. SO, we spent a lot of money on the house this year.

My husband and I agreed to not buy each other Christmas gifts this year. Not that this will be a huge savings or anything, since we never go overboard, but I figure it's wise to be prudent and every little bit helps. If we don't buy gifts the savings at least pays for the exterior lights!

My mother has a problem with this, even though she's well aware of the expenses we've incurred this year. She thinks my husband and I should still exchange and I'm looking for a way to politely let her know that she is out of line and that we aren't 'bad' for not exchanging this year. I just get the feeling she thinks this is somehow indicative of lack of love or something.... And it's just not her business!! I did tell her that it was our decision and that was that, but I can totally sense her disapproval that I should not let bother me!! But it does!! Any comebacks? Advice? I just know this info is making the rounds among my siblings now. And yes, we're still doing normal gift exchanges with everyone else. We're just cutting back where we can, which is with the two of us.

By Kaye on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 07:52 pm:

Tell your mother you are exchanging sexual favors instead of tangible gifts this year. That ought to shut her up I will say that often my hubby and I do not exchange gifts per say. We do have a 10 dollar budget to come up with a romantic gift just shared between the two of us. One year I made him a coupon book and spent the money making a very elegant chocolate dessert. One year he bought me a candle and some bubble bath. Just because what you do for each other on christmas isn't something you can share with others doesn't mean that you don't share the christmas spirit with each other!

By Colette on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 07:57 pm:

LOL Kaye..if that doesn't stop her dead in her tracks nothing will.

Dh and I do not exchange gifts anymore. If I want something I buy it and the same goes for him. Instead we get a good bottle of wine and spend some special time together after the kids go to bed on Christmas eve.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 08:03 pm:

Ditto Colette, maybe remind her the *true* meaning of Christmas. I'm sick of presents and hearing of them. Enjoying each others company is good enough for me

By Debbie on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 08:28 pm:

LOL Kaye, I would love to see the expression on your Mother's face after that comment. Dh and I don't always exchange gifts. It depends on our financial situation. I don't care about gifts anymore. I just love having my family come visit and spending quality time with everyone.

By Paulas on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 08:32 pm:

LOL Kaye...I think you should do that but could you set up a camera some how so we can all see the expression on her face!

By Christylee on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 09:40 pm:

Goodness, what business is it of hers? Don't you spend all year doing little things for each other? Why do we have to be pressured into buying a gift for one day a year? I am getting so tired of the whole GIFTS, Christmas is getting to be so commercialized and not about what it's supposed to be about...

As for DH and I we don't buy each other gifts either, we do usually take one night during the holiday season to go out alone. Last year we went and saw Jim Brickman in concert and this year we are going to see A Christmas Carol.

By Bea on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 09:40 pm:

I love Kaye's idea and the telling your Mom that exact way. LOL

By Kate on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 09:59 pm:

Oh. My. Gosh.

You guys are toooo funny!!! I won't be saying that to my mom, but I'll sure have it in my head and that will at least make me feel better and give me a private giggle!!!! Kaye, you made my night!!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't equate gift giving with love! When we were dating and first married we spent a lot on each other and went all out, but it's just so senseless!! We don't NEED anything! If we do, we buy it when we need it!

By Insaneusmcwife on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 10:06 pm:

ROFL Kaye, you're a riot. I have tears in my eyes. Thanks I needed that.

By Trina~moderator on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 10:25 pm:

Kaye, LMBO! Too funny!

FWIW, DH and I don't make a big deal out of gifts for each other either. If we do, it's something small and practicle.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 11:05 pm:

We don't exchange gifts either. We did the first Christmas we were together and have had 17 Christmas' since then with out a gift exchange. If I need something I don't need a specially appointed day to receive it.

Honestly, most of the stuff we (as women) get as Christmas presents are not things we would have gotten ourselves, something for the house not ours personally, OR it is something we have said DH you can get me XYZ (what fun is that?). I see no point.

My children are young, it is about them. I am also the one that gets enjoyment out of giving and little to no enjoyment out of receiving. I don't need anything and I don't want anything. If I do I will get around to buying it myself... How many new robes or pairs of slippers does a woman need???

By Pamt on Monday, December 6, 2004 - 11:37 pm:

LOL Kaye! This is the first year we haven't exchanged gifts, but we are getting the family a rather pricey dog so that is our gift. We are doing stockings for each other though. We've never spent more than $50 on each other at Christmas, but we try to get gifts that show we know each other better than anyone else in the world---never practical, but also desired and personal. The topper of it all is that my DH usually buys "fat quarters" (18" x 22" fabric scraps for quilting) to wrap my gifts in since I love to quilt--so even the wrapping is a gift!

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, December 7, 2004 - 12:56 am:

Well, hubby is bragging that he got me a present already. He is usually a last-minute shopper! LOL! I have NO clue! I got him the new Beatles release thingie. I have to go pick it up from my friend's house, though. I had it shipped there, because, he is home all day long! (works 2nd shift!) We don't get each other stuff for our birthdays. Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't. It doesn't mean we love each other less.

Kate, I can totally see why you aren't exchanging gifts. You bought gifts for the house this whole year. It really shouldn't matter!

By Cat on Tuesday, December 7, 2004 - 09:30 am:

We're going to be exchanging very small gifts this year because we already bought new living room furniture and that's our present to each other. The first year we were married money was tight so I bought a pair of Christmas Tree earrings and my present to dh was "everything under the tree." I still have those earrings and pull them out every now and then. Dh still gets a kick out of them.

By Rayanne on Tuesday, December 7, 2004 - 09:54 am:

I love Kaye's idea. I would really love to see the expression on your mom's face too when she hears that. LOL

By Janet on Tuesday, December 7, 2004 - 03:34 pm:

LOL Kaye!!!

By Babysitbarb on Tuesday, December 7, 2004 - 09:32 pm:

we usually don't exchange gifts at christmas because we usually get something together that we need for the house. We actually bought a new bed like 3 months ago and of course Dh has to have the best so we agreed it was our anniversary, Christmas and b-day's together. I usually get him a b-day present and he usually gets me flowers for mine and takes me out. my b-day is 4 days after christmas so he tries to make it special.

By Cocoabutter on Tuesday, December 7, 2004 - 09:45 pm:

I didn't read the other posts here, but it seems like she is just looking for reassurance that you two are still together and your marriage is doing well. I know it may be none of her biz, but she IS a mom.

If you want to entertain her, find some nice things around the house that she doesn't know you already have, wrap them up and open them in front of her on Christmas Day. Then she will think you really listened to her and will be reassured.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 07:43 am:

Kate, I'm in agreement with you, and Kaye, I LOVE your idea of response!

Years ago, I made my X a *coupon* book for Christmas. It started out as sort of a joke, but he *redeemed* each and every coupon and we had a lot of fun with it!