I need some help, but I don't want it.
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive December 2004:
I need some help, but I don't want it.
When I was in high school, I had a problem with an eating disorder. I changed schools my senior year and was able to control my bulimia. That has been many, many years ago and I've started purging again. I weigh more right now than I ever have and I hate it. Since my dh is gone most of the time, I don't feel like I can work out and I tend to eat out of boredom and loneliness. I know that this has worked in the past and I'm doing it several times a day now. Anytime I eat a regular meal, I feel full and get sick to my stomach. The only way to get past that is to throw up. My dh knows that this used to be a problem but he doesn't know that I'm doing it again. I know that I need to see someone about it but, to be perfectly honest, I don't want to. I like the way this is working and don't want to be fat anymore. I may be posting this in the wrong area and, if so, please move it. I'm not even sure why I'm telling all of you this. I just know that I shouldn't be doing it and I'm doing it anyway.
You know you shouldn't be doing it, but you don't want counseling. I can't say anything except to say that you know you need counseling. You are running the risk of long term damage to your health and your looks, and possibly even an early death, from bulimia.
Here is a quote:
People with bulimia often suffer from constant stomach pain or damage to the stomach and kidneys from so much vomiting. Their teeth may start to decay because of the acids that come up into the mouth while vomiting. They may develop "chipmunk cheeks," which occur when the salivary glands permanently expand from throwing up so often. Like girls with anorexia, girls with bulimia may stop getting their period. And most dangerous of all, the constant purging can lead to a loss of the necessary mineral potassium, which can lead to heart problems and even death.
I urge you to at least look at the internet sites on bulimia for counseling resources or a group you can join on the internet, as a beginning step towards help.
I'm not an expert, but I do know that this is very dangerous. This goes way beyond a way to control your weight... you are risking major health problems, including corroding your esophogous from all the vomiting. Thing is, unless you want to change, you won't. Someone could drag you, kicking and screaming, to get professional help, but no one can make you stop. I hope you can get to the place where you realize what a self-destructive behavior this is, and decide to make a positive change.
You've admitted that you don't really want help, just to vent, and I can understand...but...
you need to think of the children left behind when mom dies.
Sorry to be blunt, but you are playing russian roulette with your major organs here, and I am willing to bet that your family is probably worth more to you.
After getting to know so many caring moms here, I really don't think you'd ignore their basic need to have a mother around.
Don't just think of the children left behind...think of the ones you are teaching this behavior to.
I think that you are being extremely selfish & are not being the best mom that you could be. It stops being just about us when we have a family.
I agree with Emily 100% on this.
I do not like the way that I look and my DH tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how sexy I am. I may not feel this way about myself, but knowing that he sees me like this is joy in itself. I used to be addicted to diet pills before I had Rylee and everyday I think of going back on them, but I know that in the long run, she is was matters most and I have to be healthy for her and my DH and for any other kids that I may have. If you want to have any more children, this is not good for you. It cause you to not be fertile anymore. Please get help ASAP!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
Ditto Rayanne about diet pills. I'd rather have a few extra pounds than to lose my life and never know who my DD will grow up to be.
(((HUGS))) Anon, this is not a subject to be taken lightly. Maybe if you talk to your doctor or a counselor, they can help you reach a point in your life where you feel like giving this up. After all, nothing will happen until YOU are ready for it to happen. Why not do a search online of pictures of girls suffering from bulimia? Looking at the pictures of the effects is scary enough and being stick skinny is a lot worse than overweight, in ANYONES opinion. Good luck and I hope you make it through. Your body is just that, your body. It doesnt make up who you are and if you are beautiful on the inside it will reflect on the outside.
Wow, I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time with this. I've battled my weight for a long time. It's such a common thing when you've had children. I hope that you know we are here for you and that there is help out there for you when you are ready for it. {{{Anon}}}
{{{{hugs}}}} My ex-sil was/is bulimic. It ended up ruining her marriage to my brother. Towards the end of the marriage, she just looked terrible. She was loosing her hair, she had a green undertone to her skin and her face was puffy. This is such a difficult thing to overcome. Please, seek help, before you get any further into it. I can understand the feeling that you would do anything to be thin. I too have battled with my weight since having children. However, please think of your children. This is so serious and can cause major health problems.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Some habits have such a strong pull to them. Sometimes we all do things we know we shouldn't. We are here for you, please know that. Thoughts, prayers and hugs.
So sad to see you going back to your old habits. No need telling you how bad it is for you. You may not want help, but you know you need help. Best to start now while it is still somewhat new in your routine. Nothing but bad will come from it. HUGS to you....and worry too.
Well the longer you wait to get treatment the longer it will take to get better and the harder it will be to get better. The more pain you will be in. Low self esteem - lack of energy.
Well you are ruining your teeth. Stripping the enamael off your teeth. That looks lovely. Yellow teeth - Can't be whitened because there is no enamael.
You are distending you stomach. Permanently stretching the stomach into a pouch....
Lets see you are up to twice a day? It get go up to 15 times a day... How long will that take? You could just vomit all day long... Eat, vomit then clean up the vomit... eat, vomit... clean up the vomit from around the toilet...
Is that really what you want to spend your day doing?
Lets see it will stop working so you will have to vomit up more food to keep the same results...
You are probably getting to old to be doing this to yourself. Your stomach is going to be shot to hell while you are recovering. You can abuse yourself when you are 15, but you ain't 15 anymore....
You could die like Karen Carpendar.
Or waste your life being addicted to vomiting, lying, hiding, shame, judgement and perfection. Bulimics are really addicted to the vomiting. The exhausted feeling. Sort of like an alcoholic feels with a hang over. Checking out. Zoning out. Feelings numb... Really just an addict. I always feel sorry for addicts families. Especially addicts who don't realize the harm they are doing to themselves and their family.
Do you think your kids don't know you aren't there? Your wasting your energy on your eatting disorder and depriving your kids of a mom with self esteem and energy. Wouldn't it be nice to look in the mirror and not wipe the vomit off your chin?
You don't think the children see the bad food choices you make? Eatting disorder for them too probably... Oh well what is new... Cycle continues....
You should get some therapy to at least discuss why you think killing yourself is okay. Actually they treat bulimia with anti depressants now a days. So maybe that is what you need.
Or you could get a tread mill and get real with your weight . (Healthy natural weight not unhealth unrealistic weight)
You know you need a therapist though...
Honestly is 10 pounds really going to change your life? Are your kids going to love you less if you weight 10 pounds more?
You are probably doing this just to give yourself a distraction. So you won't feel the pain of life. Well you are just giving yourself different pain.
Any way I hope you come to a healthy decision. I wish the best for you.
This certainly isn't the supportive help that I have experienced other times with this group. I'm sorry that I posted this. Because I have dealt with this issue before, I am completely aware of what I am doing to myself. I also realize that I am possibly causing a cycle of eating disorders in my children. I am the daughter of an overeater and hope to teach my dks to treat themselves in a physically and mentally healthy way. I know that this is a terrible thing to be doing but when I get the urge, I can't seem to control it.
Tink and Cat, thank you.
You said the bulimia was working for you. Honestly I wouldn't want anyone to try this to see if it worked for them. Like trying on a living Hell on for size and getting sucked in.
Anon, I don't see any of these posts to be offensive.
Honestly, i'm scared for you and I don't even know who you are. I am in no way judging you because I havn't walked in your shoes. I didn't tell you "you need to get help" because that won't help until YOU are ready to get help. Please dont stop confiding in us because you took things the wrong way. Were not here to judge but to simply state the facts. I *really* hope you get better. For yourself, your kids, your DH and everyone else that loves you.
But eventually you need to reach a point in your life where YOU want to change. Its easy for me to say because i've never had an eating disorder. I was lucky enough to never go above a size 5 my whole life but after having my DD i'm experiencing slight low self esteem because I lost my "young" body. I know what you are experiencing in that sense but i'm too afraid to make myself vomit, I hate vomiting.
I think you are at a starting stage because you've at least identified your problem and you know it needs to be fixed, the next step is wanting to. Until you are ready to want to, you can post away, because hopefully one of us here will say the magical words to help you reach that point of recovery.
(((HUGS)))
I do this too Anon. I don't throw up, but I starve myself if I think I am looking too fat. Which is most of the time. I fix my plate to fool people and then throw it away.
I did it in high school til I weighed 85 pounds. I was still fat to me.
I guess I will always struggle with it, even though my mama made me go through counseling back then. I know when I see her at Christmas she will know.
I know this did nothing to help you, but I know how you feel.
Anon, I don't believe anyone meant to hurt your feelings or not be supportive, but you must admit, it is hard to be supportive of something that you know is so dangerous. If people didn't care, they wouldn't be trying to point out the dangerous part of it to you in hopes that you would stop. Even though you are well aware of the dangers of it, sometimes it is hard to see when you are the one IN the situation. I hope that you can get it back under control. You are in the minority if you can do it on your own though. Good luck and please let us know how your doing.s
How are you teaching your kids to treat themselves healthy in a physical & mentally way, when you are not doing that for yourself. If you are doing it to get the attention of your dh or someone else, then I am sure there are better ways. Why not try to call a friend when you feel the need to binge & purge. Why not go do something with your kids.
I am sorry if you did not get the reaction you wanted, but it is not okay to slowly kill yourself, especially in front of the kids you are "teaching" to live healthy. I think it is time you grow up & start living what you are preaching to your children.
Will it be okay for one of your kids to do this?
If I seem like I am being really hard on you it is because I want you to get the help you need. I want you to see that this could really hurt you AND your kids.
often starts when a young woman hears others at school talking about an "easy" method to control weight: you can eat anything you want, as much as you want, but never gain a pound! It sounds too good to be true … and, unfortunately, it is.
Bulimia Nervosa is a serious, potentially life-threatening eating disorder characterized by unhealthy methods of getting rid of food — vomiting, abusive use of laxatives or water pills, fasting and extreme exercise — to avoid gaining weight. Bulimics usually resort to these methods after compulsively eating large amounts of food in a short period of time, a behavior known as binge eating. The syndrome is called "binging and purging." However, some bulimics will engage in purging simply if they eat more food than they feel they should.
What are the signs and symptoms of bulimia?
Bulimia is usually well concealed from family or friends and can remain undetected for many years. Bulimia is diagnosed when several of the following symptoms exist simultaneously:
Behavioral signs
Eating unusually large amounts of food with no apparent change in weight
Disappearance of large amounts of food in short periods of time
The presence of wrappers and containers indicating the consumption of large amounts of food
Frequent trips to the bathroom after meals, signs and/or smells of vomiting, evidence of laxatives or diuretics
Going to the kitchen after everyone else has gone to bed; going for unexpected walks or drives at night (bulimics try to binge when other people are not around)
Excessive, rigid exercise regimen
Creation of complex lifestyle schedules or rituals to make time for binge-and-purge sessions
Physical signs
Unusual swelling of the cheeks or jaw area
Calluses on the back of the hands and knuckles (from self-induced vomiting)
Discoloration, staining, or deterioration of tooth enamel (caused by stomach acid)
Broken blood vessels in the eyes
Brittle hair or nails; dry or sallow skin
Stomach pain
Weakness or fatigue
Loss of menstrual cycle
Swelling of the lower legs and feet, or loss of sensation in the hands or feet (from malnutrition or dehydration)
Emotional signs
Withdrawal from usual friends and activities
Preoccupation with body weight, weight loss, dieting, and control of food
Depression and mood swings
Extreme or impulsive behavior, such as excessive spending sprees or substance abuse
Severe self-criticism
Sense of a loss of control
How is bulimia different from anorexia?
Unlike anorexics, bulimics do not avoid eating. People with bulimia can be hard to pick out because their weight may be average or above average. Bulimics and anorexics do share an obsessive concern with body size, fear of weight gain, guilt, poor self-image and eating in secrecy. Some people can have both anorexia and bulimia. About 50% of anorexics develop bulimia.
Who is likely to suffer from bulimia?
Like anorexia, bulimia is most often found in young women ages 11- 17, but has been seen in women even into their 60s. Although once considered a disorder suffered strictly by Caucasian, affluent women, bulimia has become common among all races and income levels. Although not as common, males can also become bulimic.
What are the effects of bulimia?
Bulimia has serious medical and psychological implications. Some of the major damage that results from bulimia includes:
Physical effects
Electrolyte imbalance caused by dehydration (can lead to irregular heartbeats, heart problems, and even death)
Inflammation of the esophagus from frequent vomiting
Tooth and gum problems
Chronic irregular bowel movements and constipation from laxative abuse
Vitamin and mineral deficiencies
Chronic kidney problems or failure
Emotional effects (some of which may also be causes)
Shame and guilt
Depression
Low self-esteem
Impaired family and social relationships
Perfectionism
"All or nothing" thinking
What causes bulimia?
Bulimia often begins as what seems to be a good idea: a way to manage weight without dieting. It continues as a means of self-control, which paradoxically becomes habitual and out of control. Some of the precursors to bulimia include:
Feeling out of control because of difficulties at home
Suppressed anger
Unmet needs
Feeling undeserving
Major life changes, such as divorce, family problems, loss of a relationship, a move
Because bulimia sometimes occurs in more than one family member, there is also research being conducted to determine whether this is a genetic or learned behavior.
A cultural or social environment that values thinness as the key element in attractiveness may also cause or reinforce a propensity toward bulimia.
What should you do if you suspect bulimia in a family member or friend?
Confronting a bulimic may encourage her to seek help and begin the process to recovery. Before confronting the person, have a plan. Decide:
why you are concerned
who will be involved
where to confront
how to talk, and
when is a convenient time.
What is the treatment for bulimia?
Like all bad habits, the longer someone takes part in them, the harder they are to break. Recognizing and addressing the problem as soon as possible is most important. Because bulimia involves both the mind and body, medical doctors, mental health professionals, and dietitians often are involved in the patient's treatment.
Goals of treatment for bulimia are likely to include:
Psychoeducation about the medical implications of bulimia
Identification of triggers for binging and purging behavior
Interrupting the "rituals" of bulimic episodes
Challenging weight and body image beliefs
Improving self-esteem and ability to communicate needs and feelings
Treatment provides a support system and ends the isolation and shame commonly felt by bulimics. Some bulimia treatment programs include an OA (Overeaters Anonymous) 12-Step Program, self-help groups conducted by the Eating Disorders Association, or self-help groups run by hospital outpatient units. Some programs also use antidepressant medications to treat bulimia.
Online resources for bulimia
National Eating Disorders Association fact sheet and extensive information about the symptoms and treatment of bulimia.
Nemours Foundation article for teens about anorexia and bulimia, including the problems of athletes, as well as consequences and treatment.
Bulimia, from the U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health, is a straightforward article about the symptoms, prognosis, and treatment of bulimia.
The National Centre for Eating Disorders, a British organization, provides in-depth information on bulimia, its causes, symptoms and treatment.
The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) offers comprehensive, easy-to-read facts on bulimia.
Help Yourself from Kansas State University , provides a step-by-step guide with exercises to identify and redirect thoughts, feelings and actions associated with bulimia.
Additional online resources
The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness offers extensive information on bulimia and other eating disorders, including weekly updates on the latest research about eating disorders.
Bulimia, a fact sheet from eMedicine Consumer Health, offers information about self-care and medical treatments for bulimia.
of this page: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000341.htm
Alternative names
Bulimia nervosa; Binge-purge behavior; Eating disorder - bulimia
Definition
Bulimia is an illness defined by food binges, or recurrent episodes of significant overeating, that are accompanied by a sense of loss of control. The affected person then uses various methods -- such as vomiting or laxative abuse -- to prevent weight gain.
Someone with bulimia may also suffer from anorexia nervosa, an eating disorder involving severe, chronic weight loss that proceeds to starvation, but many bulimics do not suffer from anorexia.
Causes, incidence, and risk factors
In bulimia, eating binges may occur as often as several times daily for many months. These binges cause a sense of self-disgust, which leads to compensatory behaviors like self-induced vomiting or excessive exercise. A person with bulimia may also abuse laxatives, diuretics or enemas in order to prevent weight gain.
Such behaviors can be quite dangerous and may lead to serious medical complications over time. For example, the stomach acid which is introduced into the esophagus (the tube from the mouth to the stomach) during frequent vomiting can permanently damage this area.
Women are much more commonly affected than men. The affected person is usually aware that her eating pattern is abnormal and may experience fear or guilt associated with the binge-purge episodes. Although the behavior is usually secretive, clues to this disorder include overactivity, peculiar eating habits or rituals, and frequent weighing. Body weight is usually normal, although the person may perceive themselves as overweight. If bulimia is accompanied by anorexia, body weight may be extremely low.
The exact cause of bulimia is unknown, but factors thought to contribute to its development are family problems, perfectionist personalities, and an overemphasis on physical appearance. Bulimia may also be associated with depression and occurs most often in adolescent females.
Symptoms
binge eating
self-induced vomiting
inappropriate use of diuretics or laxatives
overachieving behavior
Signs and tests
A dental exam may show dental cavities or gum infections (such as gingivitis). The enamel of the teeth may be eroded or pitted because of excessive exposure to acid in vomitus.
A chem-20 may show an electrolyte imbalance (such as hypokalemia) or dehydration.
Treatment
Treatment focuses on breaking the binge-purge cycles. Outpatient treatment may include behavior modification techniques as well as individual, group, or family counseling.
Antidepressant drugs may also be used in cases that are coincide with depression.
Support Groups
Self-help groups like Overeaters Anonymous may help some people with bulimia. The American Anorexia/Bulimia Association is a source of information about this disorder. See eating disorders - support group.
Expectations (prognosis)
Bulimia is a chronic illness and many people continue to have some symptoms despite treatment. People with fewer medical complications of bulimia, and who are willing and able to engage in therapy, tend to have a better chance of recovery.
Complications
pancreatitis
dental cavities
inflammation of the throat
electrolyte abnormalities
dehydration
constipation
hemorrhoids
esophageal tears/rupture
Calling your health care provider
Call for an appointment with your health care provider if you (or your child) are exhibiting behaviors of any eating disorder, including bulimia.
Prevention
Less social and cultural emphasis on physical perfection may eventually help reduce the frequency of this disorder.
{{{{hugs}}}}
It sounds like everyone is very concerned and worried that you won't get the help you need in time.
I agree that you need to get help quick. Even if you've been through it before, you still need to be worried.
I agree with the other ladies.PLEASE do what ever it takes to get help.You say you don't want help,you just wanted to vent.But I think you're wrong,you really DO want help,but maybe you feel so quilty that you don't feel that you DESERVE the help.Is there some unresolved issues in your life that you need to address ? Are you angry over something or someone,that you need to resolve? You really need to dig deep into your soul for some answers,because SOMETHING is causing you to badly mistreat yourself.I speak from experience when I suggest these things.I spent the vast part of my life "doing" things to myself to hurt myself because of self-hatred and unresolved issues( like gaining tons of weight;staying in a very abusive marriage for many years because I thought I deserved it;making sure I failed at EVERYTHING because,again.I felt I didn't deserve any better!!)Then,I came to the point that I didn't want to live like this any longer.Two years ago,I went through some christian classes that included co-dependancy,one on one personal counceling,Bible study,and even a craft class that was simply to teach us how to have fun.And it was life changing!! I learned WHY I did the things that I did,and how to go about STOPPING doing them.At times it was painful,but I can say honestly from my heart that I no longer am a prisoner to the pain of my past!! I've gone on to succeed at some wonderful things.And I'm soooooo much happier now.I don't mean to just go on and on,but I know what it's like to be going through something so horrible that you don't even know WHY you're doing it.GOD BLESS YOU.And if I have said anything to offend you,I apoligise for it.I'm so emotional right now,I'm shaking.
I'm not even going to sugarcoat the fact that we've been tough with you on this. What you're doing is slow suicide, and friends don't stand by and watch.
I sure would hate to come online in a few months and realize that someone we're used to 'talking' to is no longer here because she's dead.
Tough? Yeah. Heartless? No way.
I just hated reading this post. It makes me really sad. I personally think what you are doing is very selfish to your husband and children. Your family should be more important than your looks. There are safer measures to losing weight and feeling good about yourself. You may lose weight this way, but on the other hand you will be loosing a lot more!
Ladies, ladies, ladies...Anon is confiding in us and she just needs a hug right now. Some of you are trying to support her...that is awesome. She obviously didn't think she was going to get any kudos...it's a psychological issue that has "surface" results, not just a simple decision. And it's not like we all don't have any psychological problems/addictions ourselves??
Anon...You CAN and WILL get away from harming yourself...I know you will!!! Your dks ARE your motivation!!!
{{HUGS}}
Anon, what excactly is it that you want support for? "I need some help but I don't want it" ??? It doesn't make sense.
Anon,
I was addicted to drugs before I had children. My DH is a recovered alcoholic. We both know the internal struggle you are going through, because Bulimia Nervosa is an addiction, just like any other. It takes strength to overcome, and you have that strength. You say you don't WANT help right now. I know that feeling. There was a point where I knew what I was doing was going to kill me, but I wasn't ready for help. It wasn't until I got ready, hit my rock bottom, that I accepted the help. It wasn't a flawless recovery, and years later it still rears it's ugly head, but I just get past that moment by thinking of my kids, my life, and how hard I've fought to get here. It's ok to have setbacks, frustrations, and all of the other feelings that come with a disorder/addiction. Look at your life, and what you have ahead of you. You'll get to the turning point of wanting to get better, and I hope it comes soon. Honestly, I think it will, because though you aren't there yet, your posting here is a step forward. Hang in there. Please reconsider counseling. Find a counselor who will help you without making you feel judged. (((Anon)))
Anon...I am a counselor, and I can tell you that you will not kick this by yourself. Nor will Ilovetom who is obviously anorexic. Yes, what you are doing (both of you) is slow suicide, but I also understand that the issues underlying the disorder are far more complicated than just "realizing" you are damaging yourself and stopping for the sake of your kids. You both need professional help from someone who is highly trained in eating disorders and you need it NOW. Please call a helpline or tell your husband or another supportive person who can help you get the help you need.
Anonymous, I am sorry that you don't think you got the support you needed. This just breaks my heart because I slowly watched what it did to my ex-sil. She started purging after she got engaged to my brother. She wanted to be perfect before the wedding. My brother didn't know what was going on, but found out soon after they got married. The were married for 4 years. She was purging throughout their marriage. He begged her to get help, but she wouldn't. It was slowly destroying her and him. I saw what they went through and I just don't want you to go through the same thing. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Anon, I know that you think that some of us may be harsh right now, but we are only trying to open your eyes. We are ALL your friends and friends don't let friends hurt themselves.
{{Anon}} I agree with Laura. This is a deeply rooted psychological problem that you can't turn off just because you know how it is destroying your body. Please talk to your doctor so they can help you find a good counselor. You can get through this, but not without professional help.
I am really sorry that you are going throught his, I think that all the advice above is good, if you want to change, and they are good reasons to change, but that is your decision. All I can really offer you is (((hugs))) because I have no idea what you are going through, I hate to throw up, I had to do it every morning for 9 months with both of my dd's and that is enough for me. Hope all goes well, and Good Luck to you!!
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