If you don't mind sharing, do you remember how much $$ was put into your wedding and if it turned out as you wished, as far as decor and the reception and such.

And have you ever renewed your vows with another ceremony?


The reason I ask: DH proposed to me a few months before 9/11. After 9/11 happened all plans we had for a wedding were shattered since they wouldn't give him time off because he was training and we both knew he would leave eventually. So, there was absolutely no way to have a wedding where I knew the groom would be able to attend. So, we ended up just going to the courthouse and making *us* legal with the hops of eventually have the wedding and everything follow. Well after a lot of talking we came to the conclusion that it would mean more and be money concious to have a 10 year vow renewal/wedding or whatever you want to call it.

We still have 7 years to make it to that point ( and I sure hope we do ) but i'm thinking now just so we can start putting money away. But where i'm stuck is this: What is the usual procedure for a vow renewal? Is it the same as a wedding or is it a bit more laid back? I've never been to one but I want DHs and mine to reflect a wedding since that was taken away from us.
I'm hoping we can save about 15K by then so that gives us "honeymoon" money too but is that even enough these days? I'm sure there would be only about 60 or so people, definitely not a big event.

Any advice or someone who knows about this stuff, I still only know as much as I did the night DH proposed to me!!! (Thats embarrassing)

By Bea on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 10:30 am:

You can re-state your vows with as little or as much pomp as you'd like. Many friends have simply made arrangements with their pastors to stand during Sunday service, and say their vows again in front of their church family. Others have staged elaborate re-weddings and receptions. In the middle are those who invite family, and possibly original attendants to their churches for a simple ceremony, and then back to their, a friend's or adult child's home for a reception.
For DH's parents 50th anniversary, we had a simple church service and a sit down dinner at a local country club for about 50 people.

By Rayanne on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 10:31 am:

I have never renewed my vows, but would like to on our 10th or 25th anniversary. We haven't decided yet which one. Anyways, for my wedding, I rented a gown and it was a beautiful gown. You could do that to save money. I think that it was only $400.00. I say go all out, since you did not have a wedding. Consider this to be "your day". That 's what I would do. Good luck sweetie.

By Kolbysmom on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 10:33 am:

I don't know what the "typical" procedure is for vow renewals. However, if you didn't have a wedding, then I'd say go all out! We just got married a year ago this past August. We had a very nice wedding for around $5,000. We didn't really skimp either. We saved a lot of $$ because we did most things ourselves. My mom made all the pew bows. My friend and I all spent hours hot gluing little lavender and white flowers to round mirrors. We just sprinkled silver heart confetti on them and put 3 white votive candles on them. That was for the reception. We even had our reception catered. We did have a DJ, but my cousin did it. So, that was only $100 for 4 hours. We also went on a honeymoon. We went to Disney. We had already paid for the hotel, but we recieved around $1800 in cash, so that paid for the rest of our trip.

I think I got a little wordy! LOL

Like I said, if it's want you want, then go all out!

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 10:35 am:

It's whatever you want it to be. My dad planned a renewal of vows for my parents' anniversary and did it as a surprise for Mom - she thought it was just a 35th wedding anniversary party. It was at the home of friends, with a minister, but nothing elaborate. I know others have done a whole ceremony at church, which is also appropriate. I think it depends on what you and dh want, what you can afford, etc., except that of course you wouldn't wear a traditional white wedding gown, but I am sure you can find a gown as fancy or plain as you want it to be that will make you happy.

I think every married woman is entitled to a "real wedding", and certainly support your goal.

Oh - and don't listen to any wet blankets who tell you that you can't do it just the way you want to. There really are no rules other than what your clergyperson may require.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 10:38 am:

LOL - all four of us posted at the same time. When I started my post I was the first to respond but by the time I finished, there were Bea and Rayenne and Nicky - but we all seem to be saying much the same thing.

By My2cuties on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 11:07 am:

Good Luck, DH and I plan on having a wedding on our 10th anniversary as well, We didn't have a wedding either, just "got married". Anyway, I plan on getting a beautiful evening gown instead of a wedding dress, just because I think it would be more appropriate considering we will have 3 kids by then (ages 9, 7, and 5). Anyway, that is only in 6 more years so I better start saving too.

My SIL had a beautiful pastel peach color dress and had her hair in an updo, alot of diamonds and glass slippers, it was like a fairy tale, this was for her 2nd marriage, it was really pretty.

Have the wedding like you originally planned, and that way you won't feel like you missed out on anything.

By Andi on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 11:39 am:

We had a good size wedding, can't remember what it cost but I know it was in the thousands. It all depends on how many people you invite and what kind of wedding you want.

We are going to renew our vows on our 10 year, only 2 years to go! We are going to make it fun and do it in Vegas at the little white chapel with the kids. I'm hoping I can fit into my wedding dress and I will dress my kido's up too.

By Mrsheidi on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 11:52 am:

I would say GO ALL OUT! :-) And, I would save $ to go scuba diving on the honeymoon! That was the best thing we did on ours! You can get lessons and dive on the same day! We went to the bahamas in July and it was GREAT!
So excited for you! (Remember to hire a photographer that will let you have the negatives..best thing we did at our wedding.)

By Happynerdmom on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 03:04 pm:

Well, I probably won't be the popular one here, but I'm super practical, and think it's ridiculous to spend a lot on a wedding. We didn't spend a lot on ours , (I think around $2,500 in 1987.) but it was very nice, about 200-300 guests, I think. We had it in the afternoon, and had a simple reception afterward. (I get really frustrated with people who spend more than they can afford on big, fancy weddings, when it's really the MARRIAGE that is important. I remember this HUGE affair of a wedding for a college friend of mine...ridiculously expensive, and they divorced a year later!! Oh, well, a little off track...LOL) We haven't renewed our vows, but if we did, it would be a very casual, intimate affair.(And probably for our 25th.) Personally, I wouldn't spend a ton of money on the renewal. There are ways to make it meaningful and memorable without breaking the bank. I would definitely save for a really nice vacation for the "honeymoon," though. A Cruise or a really nice all-inclusive (Think "Sandals") is a good way to control the costs of a vacation. Ultimately, of course, it's for you and your dh, and you need to do what will make you both happy.

By Vicki on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 03:28 pm:

I tend to agree with you too happynedmom. I guess when we were "young" and got married, I didn't think too much of how much we were spending on the wedding. Now, it wasn't this huge blow out event, but it was very nice. This was back in 1987. I think that if we were to ever renew our vowes, it would be with a small, intimate group of friends and family. Maybe I feel that way because we did have the big wedding, but I think of a renewal as more of a personal thing... don't know why. But, the pratical side of me says that we didn't have near the responsibilites then as we do now, so there is no way that I would spend too much money on it. To ne honest, I about choked when I read 15K!! LOL Thoughts of dd's college and saving for retirement and all of that ran through my head! LOL Personally, I would bank 14,000.00 of that and have a really nice catered dinner for about 20 people after the ceromony! But that is just me.

By Happynerdmom on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 04:07 pm:

LOL, Vicki...Maybe it has something to do with Ohio chicks who were married in 1987...

By Yjja123 on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 04:15 pm:

We renewed our wedding vows on a dinner cruise. It was a blast and our 50 guests said it was the best wedding they ever went to. The dinner was delicious, the scenery gorgeous and it was a relaxed event with only the people who we really wanted to be there. Our children were young at the time and our daughter wore a sailor dress and our son a sailor suit. We gave the kids medallions so they could be part of the ceromony. I wore a off white lacy dress and hubby wore a black tux. The cost was around $4,000 for everything including the 3 day cruise we took afterwards. We plan on renewing again on our 15th Anniversary. There are a lot of books on ettiquette and planning of a renewal but really whatever makes ya happy go for it. It is your day!
Yvonne

By Boxzgrl on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 04:17 pm:

Well the only reason 'im going with 15K (including a vacation, honeymoon or whatever it would be considered) is because i've done the math and if we start saving the amount we agreed to now we would be fine and not financially struggling to have that nice renewal. We already have a 10% retirement account & regular savings account we started about a year ago so that includes still saving. And of course thats a rough estimate number because things may change. At the moment we have no credit card debt and most everything we have is paid in full yet DH makes about 70K a year between his 2 jobs. So, we have extra $ now to save but if we get into a financial problem later, that could all change. Its not a number I just pulled out of my head, its worked in with figures.
And I know the marriage is important so I think a 10 year reunion is much more special than a wedding itself. It shows how much you've put into that marriage to make it strong enough to last. And I know people divorce after 10 years but I like to think positive here. But, if we were breaking the bank, I wouldnt do it. We have the extra money now which is why i'm thinking of it, 7 years in advance.

By Vicki on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 05:07 pm:

Wow happynerdmom, we have allot in common. We are the same age, been married the same amount of time and my dh is a mortgage consultant at his brothers mortgage company. LOL Maybe that is why we financially think alike. LOL

By Tink on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 06:16 pm:

I also tend to think that $15,000 is a little over the top but we spent $7,000 on our wedding and there are a few things that I wish we'd been able to do that, at the time, we thought weren't all that important. Saying that, I think that if you weren't able to have the wedding that you should have had and you are adding in a celebration of 10 years together, you should do whatever is going to make you happy.

By Dawnk777 on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 06:55 pm:

Married in 1987 - spent about 4-5000, was very happy. I feel like we had enough pomp and circumstance. My 7yo cousins ate too much food and didn't have room for wedding cake! LOL! We got compliments on the food. I wouldn't change a thing!

By Cakekisses324 on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 07:11 pm:

We just got married in Vegas, with Elvis, in September. It was awesome! We came back and had a big party/reception with friends and family. We spent a little less than 5000. That included, staying at the Belagio in Vegas(chapel,etc) and coming home to a D.J., a wedding cake, finger foods, lots of candles, and white lights, (a couple of kegs or margarita machine)-My dress was beautiful and it came from Dillards!!! You may have to ask where there wedding dresses are, I never knew they had them until I asked. It was less than 200dollars! I wish I could post some pics on here, but for some reason, I cannot do it on this site. Luck!!

By Pamt on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 07:54 pm:

We had a big southern wedding (8 bridesmaids and groomsmen each, plus ushers, flower girl, ring bearer), but a fairly modest afternoon reception with just finger foods and cake. Our most expensive thing was photographs and that was ~$1000 in 1990. Flowers were also a big expense and we didn't have a whole lot. My parents paid for it, but I would guess that my whole wedding was $3000-5000 at most.

I'm in the less-is-more camp though. (I'm not from Ohio, Michelle and Vicki, but I think like you do). My DH is a minister so he has done a lot of weddings and we have seen a little bit of everything, from very modest to very upscale and over the top. Our absolutely favorite wedding took place on a farm in a pasture. The bride and her father pulled up in a horse drawn carriage and he walked her down a white carpet aisle. A keyboardist played music and a soloist sang. The wedding was short and sweet and then the bride and groom left in the horse drawn carriage. We all walked over to the garden by the farmhouse for the outdoor reception. It was very simple and lovely---big baskets of homemade cookies, a huge strawberry shortcake (the bride's fav) made by the bride's mom and looking like a shortcake not a wedding cake, and pitchers of tea and lemonade. It was a beautiful day and a very sweet outdoors wedding. I would guess that the whole thing cost about $1500 at the most. If I had it to do all over I would have gone much more simple and had only very close family and friends instead of extended relatives and not-so-close friends attend.

We do plan to renew our vows for our 25th anniversary and we will probably have a small simple ceremony with close friends and family at a plantation. THEN a huge blow-out reception and a BIG trip.

Personally I would spend more money on the vacation/honeymoon than the ceremony. And..you can take a big trip for not as much as you might think. DH and I take a big trip every 5th wedding anniversary. For our 10th anniversary we spent a week in England and the whole trip, souvenirs and meals included, only cost about $2000-2500. My brother and his wife got married on the beach in Hawaii last year. They were both barefoot. She wore a white sundress and he wore khakis and a Hawaiian shirt. They loved their wedding and highly recommend it!

Have fun, whatever you decide to do.

By Boxzgrl on Friday, November 19, 2004 - 08:52 pm:

A hawaiian wedding sounds very pretty! But i'm a bit old fashioned in the sense that I want my ceremony to be in a church. I dont know much in detail about the costs of planning and such but who knows, it may end up being a lot cheaper.

But thanks for all the advice, I think i'm going to buy an etiquette book and read up on more.

By Feona on Saturday, November 20, 2004 - 07:59 am:

My sister in law renewed her vows at five years.

By Tunnia on Saturday, November 20, 2004 - 08:31 am:

I say that it's your wedding and if you are paying for it then do it however you want! I have been to a wedding that cost the brides family over 50K! They took out a loan for it. While I think that's just crazy, it was their wedding and that's what they wanted. My dh and I had a wonderful wedding and reception and people still talk about it because it was so much fun and we did it for under $3000 with the bulk of the cost going into the reception. We were married on the beach (with a priest) and had the reception at my parents house in their back yard. I was not going to wear a wedding dress because I didn't want my parents to have to spend the money on such an expensive dress that I'd wear once, but a friend of mine insisted that I wear a wedding dress and gave me hers. My parents, grandparents, and some aunts made all the reception food, except the wedding cake and music came from cds (we did have a band, but they canceled the day of the wedding). The photographer was a friend of ours who, for his wedding gift, only charged us for the cost of film and developing (he waived his fees). The wedding was beautiful and the reception was so much fun! It didn't end until after midnight and the wedding was in the afternoon!

By Kaye on Saturday, November 20, 2004 - 09:27 am:

My brother and sil just did this. Their initial wedding was in hawaii. So for their 10th they had a small luau. They invited all their family and a few friend, just had snack foods, cake and then they hired a hula dancer for entertainment. It was nice, but not how I would have done it. I like elegant. We married in a small traditional church service, I spent about 3k, including a limo, grooms ring, etc. For our 10th we took a vacation to vegas. It was nice. If I were going to renew my vows, I would probably pick a chapel and invite mostly family and close friends, maybe at 3 in the afternoon. Then I would have a huge reception somewhere else that I would invited several more people. I would have a traditional wedding cake, a band, etc. I would not wear a wedding dress.

The other thing I want to say is, you need to think of this as an event all its own. It will never be able to replace the wedding you didn't have. It just won't be the same. We took our honeymoon 3 months late, worked it in with a business trip and you know it just wasn't a honeymoon, it was a great trip. But I got really disappointed. We did our 10 year trip to celebrate our love for each other and it was very nice. So my biggest advice is to really think about how you want to celebrate and not so much about the wedding. There are lots of things you can do that are weddingish that you would really enjoy (like cake..lol).