My 6th grader has a new friend who lives in a very LARGE home I am talking we could put my entire house inside it at least TWICE. Our house is OK it is a 1977 ranch with almost 2000 sq on the first level and a full basement and it is NOT fancy by any means. DD wants to invite this friend to come to our house for a sleepover. I am a little embarrased because there really is no comparision between our homes. Tell me I'm being foolish and I need to get over it. The house does not make the person right?????

By Yjja123 on Friday, October 15, 2004 - 04:51 pm:

The house does not make the person right????? Nope! Not at all! BUT a person does make a house a home.
I grew up best friends with a girl who lived in a mansion. Her house had 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms, a separate wing for servants, etc.--you get the idea. I lived in a 3 bedroom house in which I shared a room with my sister. My friend loved spending the night at my house. Why? because we had fun and that is all that matters!
Yvonne

By Karen~moderator on Friday, October 15, 2004 - 05:44 pm:

Sorry, but you *are* being foolish! What you have or don't have does not make you who you are.

Do NOT be embarrassed about what your family has or where you live! Several reasons - 1) you have no reason to be - period! - 2) if you act embarrassed, it will teach your kids to be embarrassed of where they come from, and they do not need to feel that way! - 3) Remember, those who have so much more than the rest of us could easily lose it all, you never know what life has in store for you.

Be proud of your home and invite this girl over. It's the family that lives INSIDE the home that counts, not the walls they live in.

By Tink on Friday, October 15, 2004 - 09:10 pm:

Listen to Karen! She is full of great advice today. We live in a teeny-tiny place and I would probably be embarrassed to have you over! I would still do it because our friendship or your daughter's friendship is more important. My mother recently married into a wealthy family and I was embarrassed to be around my new step-sister. Once I got over that flase shame, I realized that she is SO nice and not the least inclined to judge me or anyone else.

By Andi on Friday, October 15, 2004 - 09:15 pm:

It's not the house it's the people that live in it. I could care less what kind of house a friend has or my DS friend has. The only thing I look at is if it's clean other than that who really cares.
So I say get over it and let her come over for a slumber party. Make lots of yummy food and let the girls have a great time together.

By Kay on Friday, October 15, 2004 - 09:18 pm:

I grew up in a *very* small, two bedroom, 1 bathroom home. One of my best friends came from an extremely wealthy family with a mansion-esque, lakeview home. My friends were just as happy to come to my home with a mom who baked miracles, and was an expert in homecooking.

Our home is not small, nor is it featured in magazines , but I try to make sure my kids' friends feel welcome (and fed, if necessary).

I will admit to feeling a bit envious when my dks tell me about some of the homes they visit, but I try to remember that our home is built on love, not dollars.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, October 15, 2004 - 09:23 pm:

BTW Tammie, *my* little house is only 1600 sq. ft. I've been calling it my *dumpy house* because I really do HATE it. But I wouldn't let it stop me from having people over. If they're coming to see my house and not me, they can just stay home!

I remember when I was growing up one of my best friends lived in a small, 2 BR house, she shared a room with her 3-years-younger sister. It was ALWAYS a mess, and it was THE place to be if you wanted to have fun.

Where you live doesn't matter, it's who you are that does!

By Mommyof4 on Friday, October 15, 2004 - 09:31 pm:

Thanks! That was exactly what I needed to hear!!! :-)

By Andi on Friday, October 15, 2004 - 09:32 pm:

Well, I hope you are going to have the Slumber Party for the girls now.....

By Mommmie on Friday, October 15, 2004 - 11:23 pm:

Oh man do I know this one since my son attends an expensive private school. At first I was freaked by things like, "...turn on Kelly Street and there will be a guard at the gate you'll need to talk to..." and things like that. Gigantic nice homes in gated communities and Hummers and indoor gyms and waterfalls and birthday parties at country clubs (once went to a 4-year-old b-day party that had an open bar for parents!). But from what I've found - almost across the board - these kids like my small (2500sq ft) very homey, not updated home a lot and I think it's bec it's comfortable and has nice cooking smells and we can open the windows and neighborhood kids come to the door (or to my son's window) daily. We're very relaxed. I wonder if in a showcase home you can't relax? And often the parents in these gigantic homes are very *busy* and not that involved with their kids. Not all. Some.

By Pamt on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 12:22 am:

Here's my blog entry on just such a topic:

House versus Home

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 12:28 am:

My house is only 1600 sq ft, too, but I wouldn't want anything else. I feel lost sometimes in my sister's huge shack and I'm always glad to come home to my cozy little house. My house is a Cape Cod style house, but is a lot bigger than a lot of Cape Cod style houses where I live and we have a HUGE yard.

House in the snow!

Yeah, it would be nice to have a master bathroom, which we don't have, but otherwise I like my house.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 12:39 am:

I agree, We live in a mobile home. Bought it instead of moving into an apartment. Though, well we will be establishing credit. Ha, boy life throws ya and all the things we thought would happen fell to the side when DH had to go on disability. We have lived here going on 11 years and we are in a three bedroom one bath mobile home but because we lived in this place when our income dropped down to nothing I was able to maintain our home so although it isn't ideal (the American dream lets say) my children have had security. A security that might not have been there if we had been in a loan for a huge house. There are 7 people living in our house now by the way. And my house is the house to be. Kids don't care where you live they care how you love........

By Mommmie on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 11:33 am:

Dawn - Love the pictures! What a great tree, too.

By Paulas on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 12:20 pm:

1600 square feet! Wow...our house is 1100 square feet but I love it. I guess if you count the basement it is 2200. We had a beautiful house with an attached garage and we had to move to get a job and we had to sell. I miss the attached garage but DH built a garage this summer. It's not finished yet as we are waiting for the door guy to come. He is currently working on a basement bathroom. He is doing a wonderful job..

By Mommyof4 on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 01:16 pm:

Pam your blog was great! Thanks everyone for all your input. I am going to clean up my tiny little home and ask Holly what activities she would like to do when she invited her friend to come over (we usually do a special craft or the girls and their friends cook/bake something when they have a sleepover)

By Babysitbarb on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 02:26 pm:

Sometimes I feel this way also. We have about a 2200 sq feet 3 bedroom ranch w/ a 900 sq foot basement. I wish we would have made a full basement. We have it set up like a bar/game room with a pool table and dart board and a couple agme tables and lots of sports stuff.It seems small to me lots since I do daycare but, our house seems to be the favorite place for people to hang out.I do have a room set up on the opposite side of the house for my daycare and this is were the kids play. It was suppose to be a patio area and we decided to make it a room when we built and it has paid off. So I guess if I ever give up daycare it could be a den. Anyways back to the subject. Like I said our place seems to be the place that friends and family want to hang out at so I guess the size doesn't matter. We also have a 2 acre yard with horseshoe pits, large wooden swing set, and a trampoline.

By Unschoolmom on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 09:44 pm:

I have you all beat. My house is 780 sq feet. We're fixing up the basement so that will double the space but not before Christmas I'm beginning to think and so I have no idea where we'll stuff the Christmas tree and all the new toys (we have waaay more toys then the average family as I'm a toy junkie). For the last five years it's looked like a run down shack with paint peeling off the shingles, a roof that needed to be redone a decade ago and always, always, always a car that's given up the ghost in the yard. I did often cringe when someone drove up for the first time. But it's a warm house and is often filled with neighbourhood kids who think it's fantastic - so many toys, tasty snacks and a couple of adults who eagerly chat them up. We get comments from adults who like how relaxed it is once you're inside.

I'm certainly not embarrassed by the size. It's all we needed at one point(nevermind a mortgage payment so tiny that jaws drop when I mention it). and more would have meant more work to clean and more stuff to fill it up. A lot of houses these days seem to be built big without regard for what a family really needs.

We're renovating now. The roof's been done, basement is tight, windows are coming on Monday and the siding will be replaced in the next few weeks. It will look respectable and I'm so happy about that.

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 10:00 pm:

Pamt, I'd like to hear the story of your Mezuzah! My DH is Jewish, although not a practicing Jew. We have a Menorah, but no Mezuzah. LOL

By Tink on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 10:03 pm:

Boy, I wouldn't know what to do with all the space in a 1600 sq.ft. home! Unschoolmom, you only have me beat by a bit. We are in an 825 sq.ft. cottage and I feel like we are all on top of each other. BUT, as so many of you have said, ours is the house where everyone hangs out. Half of our house is living room and kitchen and it is great for a group of people to be in because the women end up at the kitchen table and counters, men in the living room or back yard and the dks play in their bedroom. It works well for us, BUT I can't wait to get into a bigger space. I'm tired of lining up in front of the bathroom every morning and night.

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 10:15 pm:

I just want to say something else about all those *picture perfect*, large, elaborate, expertly landscaped, designer furnished, several thousand square feet homes: Looks are deceiving! We live *next* to an expensive subdivision - Bubbels knows which one I mean - and there are many very large, VERY nice expensive homes. Homes that cost anywhere from 3 to 6 times what mine did. I happen to know for fact that some of the most dysfunctional families in the area live in many of those homes.

Just because you *have money*, or have a grand home and a lot of material things doesn't mean you have a good life or a happy, healthy family.

Sure, we'd all love to live in the home of our dreams, and I feel sure that every single one of us has a dream home in mind.

What's more important is if your kids are happy and healthy and thriving. My house is FAR from beautiful - I have 20 y/o cabinetry in the kitchen and both baths that is literally falling apart at this stage. The yard has no landscaping right now, and the interior doors and trim work are very worn and need replacement. I don't have great furniture, I'm a lousy decorator, things are mismatched, I don't have enough room for the stuff I do have. And more often than not, my house needs to be cleaned these days.

BUT - my house is always open to family and friends and friends of friends. My house is a home. You will never see it in House Beautiful or Better Homes and Gardens or on HGTV! LOL But I can guarantee you, everyone I know is welcome there, kids are welcome there, I don't get excited if the dog tracks dirt and grass in, or when kids spill something on my floor.

And those are the kinds of homes *I* feel comfortable in!

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, October 17, 2004 - 12:15 am:

Mommmie, those were some amazing snowfalls! My house was built in 1956 and we think that tree was planted shortly after the house was built.

Karen, I agree with you.

By Kaye on Sunday, October 17, 2004 - 10:08 am:

We have a large home, not a mansion, but even I feel this way. It isn't typically about the size of the home, but the niceness of it. In our neighborhood you get house liek mine, standard builder stuff up to custom cabinets, granite counter tops, etc. What I know is that a house does not make the person, some of the nice people I know have the most beautiful houses, people will ultimately judge you based on you, they may initially put up some opinions that are based on how you look or where you live, but it will all come down it you are a nice person who cares for your children, who spends time with your children, etc. Have fun and have a sleepover.

By Kate on Sunday, October 17, 2004 - 10:58 am:

Many of those in expensive homes with expensive cars in the driveway are living paycheck to paycheck and are heavily in debt. They are pretending. How stressful!! I'd like a gorgeous, huge house, too, but I am very blessed as it is and I'd say ALL of us live better than 90% of the WORLD. We have clean, running, indoor water, and roofs over our heads. That truly is more than a lot of people have. Anyway, you never know the whole story. Maybe the friends with the nice house really ARE rolling in money. But maybe they aren't and that house is a huge burden on their shoulders.

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, October 17, 2004 - 12:02 pm:

That's SO true, Kate.

By Mommyathome on Sunday, October 17, 2004 - 01:31 pm:

Ditto this:

"Kids don't care where you live they care how you love........ "

By Tonya on Monday, October 18, 2004 - 04:41 pm:

I have you all beat until 2yrs ago we lived in a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom no dining room only a small kitchen house 680 sq ft. Now we are in a 1100 sw ft house and I would love 1 more room and a little bit bigger living room and a basement then i would be happy. I thionk 1500 sq ft with a basement and 4 rooms would be perfect and a master bath god that would be heavenly. And after last weeks incident our 8 yr plan moved to 4 yrs!

By Kim on Monday, October 18, 2004 - 08:56 pm:

How funny, Tammie, this is a major struggle I have been having lately. I live in a wealthy community. My son's friend lives in a house on the bay. Here is a link to a house on his street:

http://www.gibbons-realty.com/Listings/deerpoint-detail.html

Its intimidating! I live in a very small house. I am not wealthy. I am a single mom raising three kids on my own. We don't have enough room for our stuff! I am guessing the square footage of my house to be maybe 1100sf? My kids are hyper to begin with, kitchen smooshed next to living room, it gets loud quickly. The bedrooms are so small, especially the one my two dds share. I hate inviting kids here, truly. I'm not into "things" or putting on appearances at all. Its just uncomfortable for ME. I have to remember a lot that its not about ME, its about the KIDS. Bad thing is, its hard to keep such a small house clean because the kids are so active and have so much stuff. Our yard isn't that great because I can't afford to keep up with a "lawn" and its not my house anyway. Its mostly sandy with lots of red ants. The kids cannot spend a lot of time there. Its funny, I don't judge other people the way I judge myself. I think about my van too, as everyone here drives such nice vehicles. Heck, the kids in HS have nicer vehicles than I do! Theirs are brand new!

Everyone gave great advice! But its hard. For me I sometimes feel less than good enough even though I know better. I guess I just wish I could provide better for my children. I DON'T want them to feel self-conscious! I know it starts with me!

I almost posted on this topic recently.

By Jelygu on Monday, October 18, 2004 - 10:36 pm:

"Kids don't care where you live they care how you love........ "

I agree with that statement 100%. Growing up, I lived in a small trailer with my mom and my sister. It wasn't in the greatest condition, but it was all my mom, who was on her own, could afford. I always had friends over, and my friends loved it there. They loved that it was warm and inviting, and that my mom wouldn't get angry if we drank a coke in the living room. It was always clean, and looked very cozy. And my mom made a point of always making/buying special treats for sleepovers. She made everyone feel like they belonged in our home.
I was never ashamed or embarrassed to have people over. Not even during my teenage years! I knew that my mom did her best for me, and I loved my house because it felt so much like a home.