Okay....went to pick up my boys on Saturday morning..(was supposed to go Friday afternoon but had car problems with BOTH cars....DH got them fixed)I got back to my house around 1:30 Saturday afternoon and DH had just about nothing to say to me all day. We watched a movie Saturday night and before it was over DH got up and went into the bedroom (the only reason I knew he was going to bed was because DS asked "Are you going to bed?"...this is like the 2nd or 3rd night this week he has just gone off to go to bed without saying ANYTHING to me...Nothing at all)So we watched the rest of the movie and then I sent them to bed (it was around midnight) well....our bedroom is right next to the bathroom and you can pretty much hear EVERYTHING. The wall the bed is against has the kitchen on the other side of it. DS (16) has developed a really deep voice and it woke DH up. :-0 By the time I got to bed he was beyond angry and pretty much verbally beat the crap out of me. Telling me I needed to be a parent not just their friend. ??????????? You have to understand, this man does nothing in the parenting department. I get up with the kids every morning, I think he's been out of bed on 4 days out of this school year. I have to make their doctor, dentist, eye appts. I have to provide the transpo to most of these. I make the chore list, I make the dish list. WHAT does he do to give him the right to tell me to be a parent! You go first!!!!!!!!!! Sunday he was ranting and raving about how he doesn't get any respect in his own house. (bear in mind my boys were here for 26 hours! I missed the last weekend I was supposed to pick them up. So they've spent a whopping 26 hours here in the last month and I have to deal with this??) Before I left to take them home yesterday I asked DH if I could speak with him in the bedroom. I told him I didn't want to leave like "this" and his response was there was no point in 'making up' cuz nothing was going to change. When I got back from taking them home at 9:15pm I discoved that my 7yo had JUST gone to bed. (if he doesn't put her to bed on time...8:30...she is extremely hard to get up in the morning and is tired enough to complain about it) and the kid that was supposed to be in bed at 9 was still up watching tv. (and I'M supposed to be the parent!) I was then informed that we now have ANOTHER kitten. Now, I am not a pet person, never have been, but I understand the kids want a pet. We already have 2 dogs and a cat. By the way, I am allergic to both cats and dogs but generally if I wash my hands after touching them I'm okay. The last puppy DH brought home I didn't want, don't need, but he explained he wanted dd to have a dog just like he did when he was growing up. Well, okay. Well, now we have a new kitten. It is a long haired kitten (really bad as far as the allergy thing goes) I got REALLY angry and this idiot thinks I'm angry over the cat. Which I am but not simply because we have another animal but because he has completely IGNORED how I feel (and he's the one who gets no respect in his house) He has been nothing but mean all weekend. I went through this last weekend as well. Last monday he came home from Walmart with an "I'm sorry I've been a complete butt" present and I told him then that I can't go through this every weekend. I'm going to the doctors today to try and get back on my celexa and my lorazepam. (I was on them about 5 years ago cuz I have a lot of trouble controlling my anger) I don't feel like I need them other than to help me deal with DH!!! I seriously think he's bi-polar (he's either really really happy, or really really angry and they change in an instant...major mood swings) I'm ready to move out and take my daughter with me. I swear if I had the funds I'd be gone when he got home today! But deep down that's not what I want to do. I really love him! More than life itself! But I am so tired of bouncing between being angry and crying. It seems like it's all I do lately. Everyday I cry! EVERYDAY!!! Because of something dh has either said or done.
Sorry this is so long, and I don't know that anyone would have any advice I just feel like I'm losing my marbles and I guess getting it out sort of helps!
Thanks again!

By Mrse on Monday, October 4, 2004 - 10:39 am:

Well we went through a similair thing, and in the end, it was one thing that dh was upset about and could not get it off his mind, had nothing to do with us, his anger just came out on us, and it was always on weekend too. I forget what it was, now, but I just told him if he did not smarten up, the girls and I would make other arangements for weekends untill he got into a better mood. Oh I know what it was dd friend was seeing a guy who was too old for her, and he had promised her dad if he had any info to tell him( info coming from our dd. He was caught in the middle and took it out on my dd (18). It came to an end when I called her parents and spilled the beans, all is ok now, he felt the pressure was off, and instantly got back to normal. But it was just that one thing and it made our lives terrible. You just have to keep digging to find out what is going on, make him tell you, what is happening or you will make other arrangements for the weekends. I feel sorry for you, I was at a breaking point too and thinking of leaving, glad it did not come to that. Hope you find out what it is, most likley has nothing to do with your parenting skill, you are just an easy target to release his anger on. Hope that helps lots of hugs to you.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, October 4, 2004 - 10:55 am:

(((HUGS))) i'm at my wits end with DH too but for other reasons. I hope things get better. Though i'm not the greatest for advice right now I can give really good (((((HUGS))))) and have an open ear.

By Kate on Monday, October 4, 2004 - 10:58 am:

Wow, Melissa, I'm sorry you're going thru this. First and foremost is that Kaitlyn comes first. He couldn't handle her for 1/2 an hour without hitting her hard enough to cause a welt? That is concerning. From the location of it it sounds like he'd just had it and reached out and whacked whatever body part was closest, which would be an out of control anger, not a calm, deliberate spank. Spanking for tantrums isn't effective anyway; tantrums should be ignored. If you get pregnant now, you'll have a newborn and a two year old. That will NOT be easy, so if he can't handle just one child, that is worrisome. Kaitlyn will probably get more difficult before she gets better. She needs time and if you put more time between kids I think you'll all have an easier time of it.

Mrse made a good point. Perhaps something is going on that you don't know about and he's taking it all out on you guys. That would explain the sudden turnaround. But then why is he fine after Kaitlyn is in bed? So maybe it isn't that something happened, but that he's just having major difficulty in handling an active one year old.

Good luck...I hope someone else can help more!

By Kate on Monday, October 4, 2004 - 10:59 am:

I am SO sorry!!! This post was for Melissa and I accidentally posted under eightkids thread!! So sorry!!! But I do hope that things with YOU, eightkids, get better, too!

By Anonymous on Monday, October 4, 2004 - 11:00 am:

I really need to go anonymous on this one for reasons I'm not at liberty to explain. Beth, you mentioned that you think your dh might be bipolar. I have wondered the same thing about my dh, and the description you give of your dh's behavior is very similar to my dh's. He also undergoes major mood swings that are completely unpredictable and don't always seem to be related to the circumstances at hand. Have you ever tried to discuss your concerns with your dh, and have you ever suggested that he speak to his physician? I have made my dh well aware of my concerns, but he refuses to seek help. At first he wouldn't acknowledge that he had a problem, but he now admits to feeling very depressed at times. I believe that men have a harder time seeking help for problems.

By Rayanne on Monday, October 4, 2004 - 11:00 am:

I'm so sorry sweetie. Vent all you want, that's what we are here for. Have you considered counseling? I wish that I had some advice for you, but unfortunately, I don't. Just . This too shall pass, hopefully.

By Bren on Wednesday, October 6, 2004 - 01:50 pm:

We have so much in commom, if you ever need anyone to talk to, email me mybratpack5@aol.com
Love and prayers

By Mommyathome on Wednesday, October 6, 2004 - 02:09 pm:

((((hugs)))) No advice....just hugs

By Eight_Kids on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 10:24 pm:

update.........I've been back on my pills for almost 2 weeks. Haven't cried once in the entire 2 weeks. I think the dosage is low though cuz I'm still having a hard time (every now and then) Today was one of those days. DH is really uptight. I came home from work today and my 17yo DSD told me the 12yo and the 13yo had gotton into some kind of arguement (Dh was picking me up from work at the time) Apparantly the 12 yo was in the bathroom just getting out of the shower and the 13yo had asked if she could just stand back in the shower so that 13yo could come in and go to the bathroom (we only have one bathroom) 12 yo said no and took enough time getting out of the bathroom that the 13yo ended up wetting her pants. Apparantly the bathroom door was locked. 12 yo has been told she may not lock the bathroom door (not since the burnt toilet paper thing) so she was in the wrong to begin with. DH was out feeding the dogs when I learned of all this. So I simply told the 12yo to go to her room (I was mad and not quite sure what to do) Well, DH is no longer speaking to me this evening because I was only home for 3 minutes and all of a sudden I'm going to start punishing people. WTF?????? Somebody has to. But he's forever telling me I need to be the parent. How does one deal with this? I have also been told that I walk all over everybody and not to speak to him anymore. Who know how long this will last? DSD said he'd been like this all day. Poor girl....homecoming is tonight and she was home all day getting ready! I took pictures. Will try and post them later....she still has the camera. I told her to take LOTS of pictures!!
Anyway, that's my story as of late. Thank God for medicine or I think I'd be locked up in a padded cell some days!

By Tink on Saturday, October 16, 2004 - 10:28 pm:

I am so sorry that your day is going this way! I can sympathize with the padded room comment. But, wouldn't it be a nice vacation?