My brother and his wife appear to be at the end of their marriage. My sil has made a few comments to make us believe that it's pretty much over and she's not interested in trying to save the marriage and my brother's actions pretty much say the same thing. Really, it's only a matter of time.

Anyway, what do I say to my dk's when it finally happens? They are both very attached to their aunt and my dk's are going to be heart-broken because my sil will move back to where her family is over a 14 hour drive away from us and we will most likely never see her again. Based on their immature attitudes, personalities, and the way they treat each other now, we are fairly sure that the divorce would be quite nasty. We have not mentioned anything to our dks about what's going on, although they have noticed how tense it is around their aunt and uncle and how they are always fighting even when we are around. This is a very, very sad situation for my family and I am going anon for now because only my immediate family knows what's going on.

By Mommyathome on Monday, August 16, 2004 - 03:43 pm:

What age range are your children in? That will make a big difference. If they are older...maybe 10 and up, they may understand a little more what is going on.
If they are just little, then it will probably be much harder on them.
Usually honesty is the best policy. Just explain what has happened and go fromt here. Let them ask questions if they would like.
The biggest problem I would watch for is that they may think that you and your DH will be divorcing as well. Reassure them that it is a different situation and so on.

By Marg on Monday, August 16, 2004 - 04:02 pm:

My sis and bil got a divorce a few years ago. Now mind you bil lives 15 minutes away, but we are on a friendly basis and he often tells me to come over whenever. We do see each other often and he is very pleasant with me and dks.

I would ask your sil how she feels about staying in contact with you and dks. She may want to, however, I'm truly sorry to hear what they are going through at this time.

By Anonymous on Monday, August 16, 2004 - 05:18 pm:

My children are 4 and 8. I know that it will hit them hard and that they probably won't understand what is happening. I'm also concerned that they will worry about me and dh or their grandparents getting a divorce even though we have very solid relationships.

I expect to remain on very good terms with my sil. We have always gotten along well and I semi-jokingly told her a while back that if anything did end up happening that we were going to keep her and get rid of my brother. I imagine that we would stay in touch in the sense that we would exchange Christmas and Birthday cards and occasional phone calls, but we see her on a regular basis since they only live about five minutes from us and if she moved 14+ hours away we would never see her.

By Tink on Monday, August 16, 2004 - 09:37 pm:

I have dks in a similar age range and I would just say that the aunt and uncle aren't able to get along, that they tried very hard (whether they have or not), and that they can't live together any longer. I would reassure them that you and your dh don't feel the same way, even when you aren't getting along. I would also say that they can talk to your SIL when they want to on the phone and that you will all miss seeing her on a regular basis. Answer any questions that they might have and go from there. JMO Good luck!

By Anonymous on Tuesday, August 17, 2004 - 09:51 am:

My dh and I discussed it again last night and decided that we were going to take an honest, age appropriate approach when they ask or when the split actually happens and do our best to reassure the kids that our marriage is solid and they don't have to worry about me and their father. My parents and my dh think that one day my brother will come home to find his wife and her stuff gone. I hope not because if that is what happens it's going to be a lot harder for the kids to handle because she will just be gone.

Thank you for all your advice and responses. My family is low key and not used to a lot of drama and being able to talk to you ladies about this is a comfort.