I've got a sticky situation brewing and need advice. Actually, I KNOW what I should do, but I want to see what y'all say! LOL My dd is turning 9 next week (my baby! Waaah!) and she wants an overnight/bowling/pizza party. Trouble is, she wants to invite her 9 yr old cousin, with whom she plays wonderfully, but NOT her other cousin (they are sisters), who is 8. Why? The sisters fight and fight constantly and my dd doesn't want that going on, and also doesn't get along as well with the younger cousin. I've talked to dd, trying to get her to see how hurt her younger cousin would be to not get invited, and even suggested not inviting either cousin. My dd is very stubborn on this. I've not talked to my SIL yet, but I think this would be a disaster if we excluded the younger cousin. OK. I'm ready for your thoughts. TIA

By Ladypeacek on Friday, July 2, 2004 - 09:56 am:

I think you should let her invite the cousin she gets along with. I have BTDT with mine and to be honest this is something that will happen to the sisters alot. If they don't play well together anyways then the parents should understand that. This is her day and she should celebrate it her way. Or even if you really want the sister to come, can you invite her to the bowling portion but not the overnight, that might be an acceptable compromise.

By Emily7 on Friday, July 2, 2004 - 10:09 am:

Oh that is a tough one. I would talk to your SIL, she has to see what goes on between the girls, hopefully she will understand. If I were your SIL I would let the 8 year old have a friend over that night to help with any hurt feelings.

By Amyj on Friday, July 2, 2004 - 10:15 am:

It would be different if they were not cousins. I don't make my children invite siblings to parties, but when it is family, you can't exclude one. Think of how that poor girl would feel. Maybe you could do a special family party. My children have two cousins. One is 7 and the other is 2, they are siblings. The 7 year old is a girl and my son is now at the stage where he wants to invite only boys, but he doesnt' want her to feel bad. He have two celebrations each year. You could plan a fun get together for the cousins, maybe dinner out,put-put, a movie or something active to keep them from fighting. I just think you will hurt feelings of the cousin and your SIL if you only invite one. Let us know what you decide to do.

By Mommmie on Friday, July 2, 2004 - 10:37 am:

We're going to see an anonymous post from your SIL venting about how her niece is having a b-day party but is only inviting one of her two girls (the b-day girl's cousins!) even though they are only a year apart and how rude is that, yada, yada.

I think you could get away with it if the outcast one was a boy, but both girls? A year apart? Relatives? It's going to be tough to do without looking like a total b*&ch.

But I could be wrong.

By Babysitbarb on Friday, July 2, 2004 - 10:51 am:

Im going through this same type of thing right now. We are having a party for our youngest on the 10th and one of the neices is like 7 and she is such a little snot. I have invited mosty people who have kids because it will basically be a kids party. We have invited like only 4 of her friends and they and two of the girl cousins will be staying the night. I feel like I should invite them but, my DD doesn't want to. She's spoiled (only child) and thinks everything should be centered around her and she's not a very friendly girl.

By Pamt on Friday, July 2, 2004 - 11:00 am:

I think this is one of those painful "life-learning lessons" in which one begins to develop the social graces to carry her through adulthood. I would definitely invite both or neither, probably both. I would explain to your DD about how she has an opportunity to be a mature young lady and take the high road by being a friend to the younger cousin and leading by example. I think if they do both come that you will have to be esp. vigilant to make sure that Cousin2 is not being excluded by the other girls though. Good luck!

By Texannie on Friday, July 2, 2004 - 11:05 am:

Is the younger cousin usually invited to her birthday parties? If so, I don't see how you can not include her this time.

By Janet on Friday, July 2, 2004 - 03:32 pm:

I love your responses! Especially the one about my SIL coming here to complain...LOL
After considering everything, I think we'll invite both girls. I think it's a small price to pay to avoid major hurt feelings, and my dd is old enough to deal with this. Thanks again for your comments!

By Kate on Friday, July 2, 2004 - 03:59 pm:

Let's imagine the two sisters are named Mary and Laura, and your daughter is named Carrie. (Yes, I'm a major Laura Ingalls Wilder fan )

I would say to your sister in law, something like this:

'You know, I've been meaning to ask you...whenever Mary and Laura come over to play, they end up fighting a lot and I feel really bad about it. I never know what to say to help them work things out or even to help prevent it. Is there anything I should know, or some trick you have to keep the peace? I want Laura and Mary to have fun when they come play with Carrie, not end up sad and fighting. It bothers Carrie, too, to see them not enjoying themselves. I just want everyone to have a good time at her party! Any advice you have would be appreciated!'

I don't know, that's just me. It's a way of letting her know what goes on, but in a concerned way where you're not accusing her kids of being brats or anything. It may spur her to have a little chat with Laura and Mary beforehand. Good luck with the party!

By Mrse on Tuesday, July 6, 2004 - 01:17 am:

Hi, just wanted to know how did things turn out in the end? I was in a similar situation, a few weeks back, but it was my dd's that were not invited. My sister's daughter was turning 13, and she was inviting 10 kids over for her party, mine were not invited to that party my niece wanted to invite them to the adult/family party. Now I had a big problem with this, as the kids party was pizza , bowling, movies, chips etc.. adults was cake and coffee. My sister said that my niece had decided that they should come to the adult party because my dd's friends did not know them . Even thought one of the neices friends stayed here with her a couple of times. Now we have never discluded my niece for anything she is always asked to come along even if we were just going to the grandparents etc.. I told my sister it was just plain ignorant. she said well dd thought it was best since they did not know her friends, I said well maybe if they were invited to the kids party all along that would not be the case.So I said my piece, and also told my sister that we have never discluded my niece because of any reason what so ever. In the end, thier was one party and it was a bbq, my kids did not stay over night but they enjoyed the party and all the girls got along. I think if you are the aunt and the cousins are fighting, you should be able to set them straight, especially if the parents are not doing anything. So how did it go in the end?

By Kernkate on Tuesday, July 6, 2004 - 02:43 pm:

This is a tough one, and I was just curious what the outcome was???