Otherwise known as "The Ultimate Handbook on Modern Etiquette". And it has a detailed 33 page index.

I got it at my library's used book store, for $2.

Actually, I like Ms. Manners' approach to manners, otherwise known as etiquette. As I understand her, manners/etiquette are intended to avoid hurting other people's feelings and to provide guidance for the generally appropriate or acceptable way to do things.

So, if anyone as an etiquette question, I will just haul out Ms. Manners - all 745 pages (including the index).

I was paging through and came upon this gem - about office parties. The question from a boss is, how should I structure a holiday party. Ms. Manners' response was that he should go around to all employees about a half hour before the lunch period and tell them to take the rest of the day off.

By Yjja123 on Friday, May 28, 2004 - 07:30 pm:

Anything on how to deal with horrible inlaws?

By Kate on Friday, May 28, 2004 - 07:35 pm:

Miss Manners has a delicious wit. I truly enjoy her books.

By Annie2 on Friday, May 28, 2004 - 07:36 pm:

What does RSVP actually mean? Should you respond if you are declining or planning on attending?

I always thought it was French for Respond Sil Vous Plait. I only respond if we/child will be attending the event; not to decline.

What does Ms. Manners think?

By Yjja123 on Friday, May 28, 2004 - 08:06 pm:

RSVP is an abbreviation of the French phrase "Responde S'il Vous Plait". These are used for confirmation or regret regarding the attendance of the receiver so that the sender is informed.

By Laurazee on Friday, May 28, 2004 - 08:08 pm:

Hey, that's funny, Ginny - I have the exact same book! I got it as a remainder many years ago from a library sale as well. We can tag team!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Friday, May 28, 2004 - 09:13 pm:

Oh Lord, help us.... Ginny I am sure you will get a lot of use out of that book...

Here is a question for you...

When going out on a date, is it the boys place to pay for the date? Or should the girl pay her own way?

And I will give my input when you tell me what is proper..

Oh and...

Does it give info on proper parenting of teen children... Like when do you let your son/daughter set up their own dates and not be involved in all the planning???

More info on that one later too...

I will come up with more questions... Heck maybe we should just start a new thread like... Ask Ms. Manners. LOL

By Mommyathome on Friday, May 28, 2004 - 10:18 pm:

Oh my goodness! 745 pages?? You'll wish you never told us about the book LOL! It will get good use now, that's for sure!

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, May 28, 2004 - 10:28 pm:

I am amazed - Ms. Manners does not cover the question of who pays. What I have read in other places is that the person who issues the invitation is the person who pays the tab, and in these days it can be him or her. And after they've known each other a while they can decide whether they want to go dutch. I suspect it is another matter of common sense (a misnomer if there ever was one) and common courtesy (also more and more a misnomer, sorry to say), and what the two people decide between them.

Do you mean that your son/daughter lets you be involved in the planning for their dates? Please, please, tell me how you manage that!

By all means, Laura - tag teaming sounds great.

As for RSVP, one should always respond to an invitation whether accepting or regretting, unless the invitation says (as some do) "acceptances only".

By Kate on Friday, May 28, 2004 - 11:05 pm:

Ginny, is she really going by MS. Manners these days?? I still always see her as MISS, and she strikes me as the type to prefer Miss anyway, considering how proper she is and how nostalgic she is for long lost society manners.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 05:42 am:

You are quite correct, she is Miss Manners. I am so used to typing Ms. I did it on auto-pilot.

As I read Miss Manners, she is not so much nostaligic for long lost society manners as she is for common sense consideration of others and a set of rules that generally (though of course not alway) gave people a set of rules that encouraged courtesy.

By Bea on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 08:23 am:

LOL I have Emily Post's original book on manners and social obligations. As a military wife back in the hats and gloves era, I needed it to help me with everything from how to set a PROPER table and arranging seating at dinner parties, to how and when to leave my calling card. (I had them but never had the opportunity to leave one) LOL

By Kate on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 10:36 am:

I have to admit I'm not a fan of the term 'Ms.'. I can handle it for adult women, but it drives me crazy when my inlaws address cards to my LITTLE GIRLS as 'Ms'. They've been doing this since they were born! To me there's just something wrong with calling a baby 'Ms'!!!!

By Sunny on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 10:40 am:

Maybe this is in the manners book, but I was always told that a young girl under 12 was addressed as 'Mistress' and a boy under 12 as 'Master'. 'Ms' was how to address a divorced woman.

Is that mentioned in the book?

By Trina~moderator on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 10:47 am:

Kate you're not alone. The term "Ms." has always rubbed me the wrong way, but I'm not sure why. I've always viewed it as a women's lib act so as not to determine if a woman is married or not. That SHE stands alone in importance regardless if she is single or married. Although I'm not aware of the actual history of the term, that's my theory. LOL! Anyway, as a new teacher years ago I was "Miss B" and then after marriage became "Mrs. G." I have politely corrected people in the past when they addressed me as "Ms.". Not sure why it puts my hackles up. Perhaps I'm old fashioned.

By Kate on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 01:47 pm:

Well yes, Trina, the truth is I'm old fashioned and not a women's libber at all. I agree with your theory, too. Fact is I enjoy my old fashioned role of SAHM taking care of the kids and house, and women's libbers who eschew all that and look down on it rub ME the wrong way.

Sunny, the term 'Miss' is always appropriate for any unmarried female, from nine seconds old to ninety years old. I could be wrong, but I believe 'Mistress' is only for the lady of the house, married or not. For instance, if a man's wife died, his eldest daughter would then be mistress of the house.

By Lauram on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 01:55 pm:

I agree with Kate, I always thought kids were "Miss" and "Master." The Ms. thing rubs me the wrong way as well. I, too, am a teacher. I was Miss F... and am now Mrs. M... If people call me Ms. M.... I just feel like they don't know me. It just seems so impersonal to me. Also it makes me sound like a divorcee. DOn't like it at all!

By Amecmom on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 01:57 pm:

Ms. never bothered me. It works well when you just don't know a woman's marital status. I always liked it better than Miss - which is too little girlish for me. Ms. sounds much more sophisticated.
Maybe it's a generational thing?
Ame

By Bea on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 02:57 pm:

Well it isn't this old gal's generation. I like Ms. in dealing with strangers. Who needs to know if I'm married or single in most situations? It's not relevant at all.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 07:07 pm:

Ms. is indeed a women's lib thing. The rationale, which I agree with, is that Mr. doesn't say whether he is married or not, so why should a woman have to identify herself as married or not married. It's really no one's business unless I choose to identify myself. (I remember one time when a copier salesman called me at the office, asked for the person who makes purchasing decisions, and then asked my name. I gave him first and last name and he said, in this really phony chummy manner, well, Virginia - oh, can I call you Virginia? I was annoyed at his manner, so I said, actually, it is "Ms. (lastname)". He then said "oh, you're one of those" (this was in the 80's). To which I replied, yes I am, and I am the person who makes purchasing decisions, and I've decided not to buy anything from you. Goodbye - and hung up. (Which was not a problem, as we had just bought a new copier a few months earlier.)

Yes, boys under 12 were (and sometimes still are) addressed as Master, but I think (and I haven't checked Miss Manners) that young ladies were Miss. I do know Mistress was the honorific used for unmarried women in English speaking countries up until the end of the Regency period and beginning of the Victorian period.

By Annie2 on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 08:16 pm:

I always thought a young boy was called "master" until he started school. He was called nothing except his name until he graduated from school. Then he was referred to as 'mister".

By Bea on Sunday, May 30, 2004 - 12:30 am:

From Emily Post.

Young people in the house are called “Miss Alice” or “Mr. Ollie,” possibly “Mr. Oliver,” but they are generally called by their familiar names with the prefix of Miss or Mister. Younger children are called Miss Kittie and Master Fred.

By Bea on Sunday, May 30, 2004 - 12:33 am:

Also from Emily.

Invitations to children are addressed, Miss Katherine Smith and Master Robert Smith.

By Sunny on Sunday, May 30, 2004 - 09:27 am:

Ooops! I thought 'mistress' sounded odd for young girls. I don't remember who told me that, but now I realize they were wrong.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 08:18 am:

Lo and behold, Miss Manners just answered the Master/Mister question in her most recent column:

Dear Miss Manners:

I work for the office of a U.S. senator, where I am often in the position of writing letters to children. While it seems natural to address a little girl as "Miss Harris," it seems strange to address a little boy as "Mr. Johnson." The appellation "Master Johnson" appears to have fallen out of use in this country. We use the boy's first name in the body of the letter ("Dear Tommy"), but how should we address the envelope?

Miss Manners replied: Would there be anything wrong with allowing youngsters to feel that they have a dignified senator who treats them with serious respect? "Master" is still used, although rarely, and perfectly appropriate. Alternatively, "mister," which seems strange to you in this context, may seem thrilling to the young master.