I just have to let off some steam! First of all, I need to confess my guilty secret: I hate to cook. Hate, hate, hate! But a good mom makes delicious and nutritious meals that her family sits down and eats totally appreciatively, right? Not in this house! Almost everyone in this house has different preferences. Oldest dd loves fruits and veggies, rice, cheese, and a few cuts of beef, no chicken or fish. She also likes her food very bland. Ds doesn't like any veggies or fruit, likes every carb and chicken, no beef, and any junk food. He especially likes spicy foods. Younger dd likes anything sweet, including fruit, very few veggies, cheese, pasta but no rice or potatoes, and ground beef but no fish and only chicken nuggets. Dh likes all junk food, few veggies and he's allergic to most of the ones he likes, no fruit and any meat or carb, lots of seasoning, please. So I make dinner and at least 2 people look at dinner like its going to leap off their plate and bite them, and then ask, "Is this what we're supposed to eat?" I never give in to it. No alternate dinner, no leaving the table before everyone else is done, but I don't force them to eat it, either. I am just tired of hearing it and doing something I hate when it is never appreciated. When I was growing up we ate what was in front of us but I look at my problems with food (former bulimic and now an overeater) and I don't want to pass this on to my kids. Any suggestions or even anyone else dealing with this?

By Palmbchprincess on Sunday, May 23, 2004 - 09:54 pm:

I've got toddlers, so Lord KNOWS they only what I cook when the planets align on the 3rd leap year of the millenium... unless I cook nuggets, or spaghetti. Anyway, I'm right there with you, I HATE that "um, an alien just landed in front of me" look they give my cooking. I do love to cook and bake, but hate wasting food and worrying they aren't eating enough. I have no advice, just keep offering, and it sounds like you are handling it well. One thing my parents did, when I was a teen, was "If you don't like what I cook, the pantry is over there. No junk food, you can have a sandwich or a bowl of cereal, but that's it!" Is it possible to find something EVERYONE likes, or make a "create-your-own" meal? One meal that might work well for your family is tacos/gorditas/fajitas. These can be create-your-own, with minimal prep from Mom. And I agree with you, not forcing them to eat anything. I was never forced to eat something I didn't like. Many of the things I grew to like anyway, and some I never will, but eating shouldn't be forced IMO. Good luck!!

By Yjja123 on Sunday, May 23, 2004 - 09:59 pm:

My children are 8 and 9. My son (the youngest) loves fruits and vegetables and most meats but anything new and he would refuse to try it. My daughter would eat junk every day and has to be pushed to eat fruits and vegetables. About a month ago I made some changes...
My solution? I now have them cook dinner. They have to pick from a healthy cookbook(s) but something about them choosing it and making it (of course I am helping with that) has made them try more foods. We have a scoring system of 1-5.
1=Yuck! never want to eat again.
5=Yum! lets eat it next week.
So as long as they try it once if they truly hate it they can vote the recipe out of our collection.
I asked for their help in getting our family healthy (I definitely have eating issues and do not want to hand down my weight issues to my daughter) and they have risen to the challenge. They actually like going grocery shopping with me to find healthy food. My son, who has always complained that spinach tastes like grass, actually chose a spinach lasagne last week and gave it a 5!
Yes--cooking "with" them is taking longer but the bonus has been us eating the same way as a family and hopefully making some changes in the right direction. It certainly is easier for me to be buying healthy food for everyone (no tempting sugary foods in the house).
My son is starting to think he would like to be a chef when he grows up. Who knows, maybe in a few years he will be cooking all our meals on his own
My suggestion is to have a family meeting and see if you can come up with a solution that works for everyone. You might be surprised by the answers they come up with.
Good Luck!
Yvonne

By Mommmie on Sunday, May 23, 2004 - 10:21 pm:

I have a picky eater, too, but luckily it's just the two of us and I eat things I would never expect him to eat so I make something for me and something for him. He's happy with a can of chicken noodle soup or some tortellini - easy stuff. But if I had a table full of mouths to feed, I don't know what I'd do.

My cousin with 7 kids, they eat what's there or they don't eat.

By Kittycat_26 on Monday, May 24, 2004 - 08:36 am:

Guess, I'm either lucky or looking at things through those rose colored glasses again.

At 2, Timmy eats just about anything but only on his terms. No ketchup but everything should have cheese on it or in it.

Heaven forbid that we would eat what I put on the table for dinner when everyone else is eating. Our habit is just when everyone else is finishing, he will start eating. Whatever, I don't have the energy to fight this one. So he eats while I'm cleaning up.

And just in case anyone was wondering or didn't know yet, a child can survive on applesauce and milk for a solid week. We've just come off of this stretch.

By Lorebunde on Monday, May 24, 2004 - 08:40 am:

I read this topic and thought it was so funny!
I used to like cooking but with everyone eating something different it is not fun. Not only does everyone want something different we all eat in different places. My son eats in his room (tv tray)My daughter eats at her table and chairs, my husband grabs his plates and heads downstairs while I eat alone at the table. I know, its my own fault but its already a habit. The only time we eat together is if we have company, Sunday dinner. Am I the only Nut to put up with this?

By Mommmie on Monday, May 24, 2004 - 09:07 am:

My son and I don't eat together either. It's our only break from one another. We are together constantly since it's just the two of us. I eat at the kitchen table and my son either eats in his room or in front of the TV.

I know the media likes to hype The Family Dinner Hour as the cure to World Peace, but to me that's just an easy sound bite. If that's the only time a family is together then that's great, but when it's just one adult and one child (like my family) we are together All The Time and don't need an excuse, like dinner, to spend time with each other.

I know I sound defensive on this, bec I have had to defend myself on it so many times.

By Amecmom on Monday, May 24, 2004 - 09:30 am:

Wow. I never realized there were so many issues surrounding dinner. I really like Yvonne's idea. Kids do respond better when they have some control.

Could you all get together and come up with a list of ingredients everyone likes and then plan your meals around that list?

As far as bland / spicy goes, could you cook with minimal seasoning and let everyone add their own when they eat?

I think it's great that you are not forcing them to eat things they don't like.
Ame

By Debbie on Monday, May 24, 2004 - 09:33 am:

Well, I guess I am lucky because I only have one picky eater. My oldest ds(age 6) will eat lots of stuff. Yes, there are some things that he doesn't like. But he is always willing to try things which I think is half the battle. He was picky when he was little and I tried to not make an issue of food. I always made at least one thing he liked at dinner and if he wanted something else he could get a bowl of cereal or sandwich. Now, he always eats what I make. My youngest age 3 is very picky. However, he was diagnosed with acid reflux last summer and he has gag reflux which doesn't help. The same rule applies to him, he has to at least try what I make and if he doesn't like it he can make a sandwich or have cereal. He has gotten better lately and is at least trying things.

I know this is really bothering you. I would go nuts if everyone in my house was picky. I don't know how old your dks are. What about sitting down and having a family meeting and come up with a solution to this that everyone can agree on. I know when we were around junior high age, my family routated cooking (with mom's help) We got to decide what we were having and help make it. Maybe that would help.

By Melanie on Monday, May 24, 2004 - 10:00 am:

I think you are handling it just right, Tink. You are not making food an issue. If you were forcing the kids to eat when they don't like it or catering to their tastes by cooking something special for each one, I think then you would be setting them up for potential issues. But by saying this is what is for dinner, take it or leave it, it's their choice as to whether or not they eat.

I do that, but I also remind my kids that if they don't cook the meal, they have no right to complain about it. I tell them I put in a lot of time in energy planning and cooking the meals and it is incredibly rude for them to complain about it (especially before even trying it!)

I have also handed my boys cookbooks and let them pick out some meals for the family. They also help prepare those meals. They love doing that. And it definitely cuts down on the complaints!

By Jackie on Monday, May 24, 2004 - 10:26 am:

My 4 1/2 yr old is the picky one. And, we dont make it a big issue. She doesnt eat any type of meat at all..I dont make it her eat it..We always have Mac and cheese in the fridge for her dinner. Sometimes she will eat some cheese and yogurt for dinner. I do not give her junk when she wont eat what we have cooked. I dont make 2 meals every night, but with mac and cheese, or just a bowl of plain noodles she is happy, and its always in the fridge. Sometimes I can actually get her to "try" some new veggie. But, we dont force the issue, Inever want to make meal time a "fight"..

By Tink on Monday, May 24, 2004 - 11:41 am:

Well, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this. My kids are 6,5, and 2 so we might be able to pick out a few meals together but what one wants to eat someone else won't. And I let them help with stirring off the stove and measuring but at this age I really don't feel comfortable letting them near the stove. I don't think I was totally clear about making them eat things. They have to eat 3 bites of something unless I can tell it's something that is making them gag. The oldest two have semi-sensitive gag reflexes. We do eat all together because 2 of them are in school all day so I find it helpful to touch bases with them at this time and I can catch bad table manners before they become an issue. Almost everything I make is something that someone likes but there is ALWAYS someone that doesn't. Everyone likes a different meat and a different starch. If we ate mac'n'cheese and peas for the rest of our lives I would probably have happy kids! I guess the hardest part is doing something that I hate because I am *supposed* to when someone is unhappy about it every night. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one dealing with this, though.