I'm depressed, I've been on the verge of tears for days now and I'm not sure what to do about it. All I want to do is sleep. My arm is so sore from this reaction and this going off the paxil isn't working. I'd gained 4 lbs in 2 weeks and I'm not really sure why either other than the medicine.

Chuck and I aren't getting along all that great, he's aggravated that the house is a mess but I can't pick anything up with my right arm and I'm right handed. I'm going to try my hardest to get things done today. He just called and said he may have to go to Austin this weekend. Angela isn't handling the chemo all that well so Aggie isn't leaving so she asked Chuck to come up there and fix the computer so she can work from there. So our last weekend together by ourselves for awhile isn't going to happen. Oh well really maybe the alone time for me will do me some good.

Midterm is on Monday, tonight I have a test and I'm not ready for it. My grades have fell this mod. and I lost my second place spot and I'm not sure I can get it back. That has me upset too.

I'm sorry to unload all of this on you guys, I just don't know what to do. Mom is leaving next Friday for two weeks and she's so busy getting ready for it and she's usually the person I turn to when I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening, or reading rather....

christy

By Ladypeacek on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 11:17 am:

(((HUGS)))) well i understand how ya feel about the arm hurting and not being able to clean up. Maybe some alone time will help! I would just use that time to pamper yourself! Take a hot bath with a book and unwind, with so much going on who wouldn't explode! I miss having my mom around too now that we moved to a whole other country so i get that too! Thats why i love this site! Feel free to unload anytime! Good luck on your test! Hope you feel better!

By Amecmom on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 11:20 am:

Wow, Christy, you sure have a lot going on right now. Lots of hugs. My advice is take care of yourself first! The house can be cleaned when you feel better. Even if you don't feel like it, force yourself to do something you enjoy - take a slow short walk- or just put on some music that usually get you in an "up" mood. When you're under so much stress, it's impossible to give everything 100%. I know you're proud of your class standing, but in the grand scheme of things, your health and your outlook are more important.

I went through something similar with my masters. I was finishing my final few credits and was running all a's up till then. Then everything semed to start happening at once. One of my professors treated his course as though it should be the most important thing in our lives. I just could not devote that amount of time or energy with everything else going on. I had to give myself "permission" to get a B. Once I did that, I felt a lot better. Frankly, it didn't change my life or my self esteem or my pride in getting my degree one bit. What it did do was allow me to destress a little and focus on the important priorities.

As I see it from your post, your number one priority right now needs to be you! Call your doc again if your arm is that bad. Maybe he should see you.

Talk to your teachers and let them know you're going through a rough patch right now. Perhaps they will show some compassion and let you make up work or take the exam at a later date.

As far as your relationship, it may be a blessing in disguise to have some time to yourself.

Hope this is helpful. Feel better.
Ame

By Happynerdmom on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 12:01 pm:

There are times when we just have to switch to "survival mode." Let go of having to get everything done perfectly, prioritize, and work on what you need to do in small steps. For example, maybe use a timer...clean for 15 min., study for 15 min., rest, repeat! Things will get better...you just have to get through this rough patch. (((hugs)))

By Vbw1978 on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 12:13 pm:

take some time to yourself ! that is what you need. sorry about the arm hurting ! i had carpel tunnel right after the birth of my last & could not do anything the pain from gripping then going numb. I wish you all the best & will think of you to make it through this phase !

By Boxzgrl on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 12:37 pm:

(((HUGS))) I know I hate when people say this but "This too shall pass!" Its a very true saying. If I were there i'd help you clean up Just take everything one day at a time. At this point I say school is more important than the house. Take it slow and do only what YOU can handle!

By Emily7 on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 01:29 pm:

Give yourself a hug. There maybe a million things that need to get done, but they can wait. You take care of yourself. We are always taking care of everyone else we forget ourselves. Go buy yourself a little something. If your dh is that bothered by the house he can help clean or get you a maid for the day!

By Christylee on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 12:43 am:

I wanted to stop in and say thank you all very much before I headed to bed. I actually ended up getting some things accomplished today in trying to make myself feel better. I called the doctor AGAIN about my arm and he gave me some more suggestions on things to try, I'm happy to say that this evening I can actually raise it about halfway which is a HUGE difference. The spots are still there but he said that would continue for a few more days.

I also called and talked to my counselor about my medicine and have an appointment with him on June 9th until then I'm just going to keep taking it as I was.

I went to school tonight and took my test and ended up with a 91 on it. Monday is our midterm and I've already started making flashcards to study for it. I may skip tomorrow pending how my arm is to work on them some more becasue I can't do lab.

AND DH isn't going out of town this weekend so we now have this weekend together, granted alot of time I will be studying but not all.

LAST but certainly not least, I was able to make my bed! lol... one of my biggest pet peeves and I hadn't been capable of it since Monday!

Now I'm heading to bed, thanks again for all of your kind words of encouragement!

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 05:51 am:

So glad things are improved, Christy. You sound like a "coper" to me, and seems you are coping well with a variety of good reasons to be unhappy.

Personally, if I never make my bed it doesn't bother me (LOL), but if it bothers you it is important.

For Chuck, not now because he is leaving, but when he is back and settled in, if it were me I'd point out to him that he was less than supportive, that you are a person who usually keeps things organized and he should have taken that into account and not showed annoyance when your bad arm kept you from doing what you normally do.

It is so like men to notice when things are NOT done but never notice when most of the time those things ARE done.

By Christylee on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 08:56 am:

You are so right Ginny. I'm ususally really on top of things, even with a three year old and school four nights a week I manage to keep things pretty much picked up.

As for the bed, as soon as we are out of it I make it. lol... always been that way!

Off to study for midterms. Thanks Again!