Just a quick vent, trying to relieve some of my anger. As most of you know, I'm going through a pretty nasty divorce, and things have been a rollercoaster. Just when I think things are starting to get better, it hits the fan! (This has happened EVERY time we make an agreement!!) Long story short, Ex put child support money, which is not court ordered yet,( but recommended by the Ad Litum for the kids,) into our old joint account. The Ad Litum is recommending standard visitation order for him, which I'm ok with for now. He had the kids all weekend, no problems so far. Then today, when I go to withdraw the money for the child support, the teller tells me he had taken it out yesterday. I really couldn't care less normally, but we are barely making ends meet, while he gets all the benefits of being "married" like free housing and free electric. Not to mention he makes more than I do in just his base pay. The reason it mattered this month is the kids' 2nd birthday is in 2 weeks. They REALLY need new clothes, and I wanted to be able to at least give them that for their birthday. Now I can't, and it's breaking my heart. I'm already working 2 jobs, plus Nate's income, what else can I do?! I had just said Saturday to some friends, while he had the kids, that he was actually acting like a human being. I actually said I was impressed, and that I'd be willing to be more flexible on the visits if he continued to act like a FATHER, and support his kids. So much for being a human being... should have known it wouldn't last. I hate this whole situation. And if one more person says "Well, you chose him... I swear I might lose my mind. Do you think I would have chose him if I knew this?! **GRRRR**

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, May 18, 2004 - 11:27 pm:

Crys, You need to find some way to document that he took the money out. He might try to say he has been paying you and that you are taking the money out of the account. So you need to document (have someone at the bank do it) that he put money in on such and such a day and that he took it out on such and such a day.. I would place money on him walking in with the deposit slips. Contact the Ad Litum and tell her what he did also. She can't make him pay you but she might be able to use the info when you go to court. Contact your attorney also.

And as far as presents for the kids. I am going to tell you this from a mother of fours perspective okay????? Those kids will not know or truly understand that it is their birthday. A gift for them at that age is more for you than it is them........ Do not beat yourself up for doing the best you can do... And do not let him do this to you... If he wants to play games let him play them by himself. What is that saying?? About letting him take up space in your mind. Anyway, Those kids aren't going to know it is their birthday. They aren't going to understand what gift is from who if they do get anything. And they aren't going to remember at 6 what they got at 2 and when they are 30 they will not even remember being anything before 20. LOL Big hugs Crys. I know you are dealing with a lot and this just is one more thing but darn it I think you are one heck of a woman and you will see yourself on the other side of this. Everything will be okay in due time....

By Emily7 on Tuesday, May 18, 2004 - 11:56 pm:

I think Bobbie hit the nail on the head. I don't think there is anything else that can be said, ither than I am sorry you have to go through this.

By Tink on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 12:22 am:

Bobbie said it all wonderfully but I wanted you to know that there are a lot of people here that think you are doing a great job at being the bigger person in this whole mess. I agree with Bobbie about the presents also, but, coming from a mom who has had to give the kids clothes for their birthday because they needed them so badly, it can be really hard to go without until money is less tight. I don't have any suggestions, I just wanted you to know that prayers and hugs are being sent your way.

By Mariamali on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 02:43 am:

Ditto with Bobbie. Your greatest gift to your kids is your love and concern for them and this is the gift they can carry and count on forever. Your mental well-being is more important than ppl who act smart by beating the law. For sure, make him pay - like said in prev msgs, document eveything and prepare a case. What is a birthday but one day in a year... shouldnt we celebrate life evryday? lots of luck and best wishes to you.

By Kittycat_26 on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 08:30 am:

Hang in there Crystal. I've got to say that I agree when everyone has said that your kids aren't even going to know that it is their birthday. For Timmy, we aren't even having a party or anything this year. Last year was way too stressful for him and for us by having a huge family party.

It's hard enough being the mom of one two year old, let alone two two years olds, let alone two two years olds and dealing with a soon to be ex.

By Cat on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 08:43 am:

{{{{{Crystal}}}}} I don't have anything to add to what's already been said. Hang in there, Girl.

By Babysitbarb on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 10:33 am:

Ditto here also. Hang in there!
Sorry that life is not going good for you right now.I will keep you in my thoughts and just remind the kids how much you love them and the new clothes will be there later when things aren't so bad.

By Palmbchprincess on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 01:42 pm:

Thanks all... I am not so much concerned with getting them gifts, just that they need clothes, and I'd been putting it off until their birthday. More bad news today, I lost my job. A delay in processing and they found that I'm not bondable, for something I'd already disclosed to them, so I'm unable to work there. I'll be back on the job search once I pull myself together. I'm really considering packing it all up and going back to FL. There are some options there, as well as my grandmom who I'm very close with. Who knows... all I know is I cannot take one more disaster!!! Thanks again!!

By Boxzgrl on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 01:58 pm:

Big (((HUGS))) Crystal. I hope all works out for you. I dont have much to add but you sure have a lot on your shoulders. Good luck job searching. I wish I could help.

By Amy~moderator on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 02:42 pm:

Wow, that is awful that you lost your job! Have you talked to John about what you mentioned above? This sounds like it really sucks. I hope things start to look up for you soon.

By Vbw1978 on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 04:32 pm:

what everyone above me said !!! hang in there ! I wish you all the luck & sending you good vibes your way

By Emily7 on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 04:54 pm:

Crystal I am soooo sorry! Sometimes it seems like when we are down, life kicks us around just for the heck of it. I know that it has been said a million times, but it will get better. Just continue being the Mom that you are. If your ex wants to be a jerk, let him, people will see through it.
Can you get some kind of state help or unemployment??
I will keep you in my thoughts.

By Amecmom on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 05:06 pm:

Crystal ...

I just hope and pray things get better for you. As far as moving back to FL, can you? How does that affect the visitation?
It sounds like getting as far away from your ex as possible is a really good idea, especially if you have family there to support you emotionally and some job prospects.
Ame

By Dana on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 09:49 pm:

I just agree with all others, esp Bobbie's post. You really need your families support thru this and if moving to FL is an option, than go for it. Hopefully the loss of this job is an opening to a better oportunity that you would have missed if you kept that job. Prayers will be said for you.

By Pamt on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 10:05 pm:

Hope that things are looking up soon.............

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 11:03 pm:

Crys, Sorry to hear about the job. And I can feel your stress. I just don't have the EX issues. You will get through this....