I just need a healthy vent......
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive May 2004:
I just need a healthy vent......
Not anything bad, though!
DH and I have always said that we wanted children 2 years apart. This is still fine and ideal for what I want for Kaitlyn. The only thing is the future doesnt look like there is room for a child for maybe even the next 3-4 years. Let me explain:
I'm going back to school to become a pharmacy technician. I should be done by the beginning of next year. That will be around the time Kaitlyn turns 2. I decided at that age I want to put her in a preschool/daycare program for maybe 3-4 hours a day so I can start a very part time job, and also so Kaitlyn can get used to being around other kids and not around me every moment of the day. This is all still fine.
But, I dont see how I will have time for another child in the picture, though I REALLY want one in the time frame I mentioned above. If I finish schooling and dont work right away, wont that look bad when I do apply for a job? I mean, having another child would mean another 2 years out of work. (Just a personal belief with DH and I) And I already paid over $500.00 for the program and its nonrefundable, not to mention I love doing this schoolwork.
DH is so excited to have another child because he missed out on Kaitlyns first 4 months. He doesnt try to make me feel bad but I can just see the extremely sad look in his face if I try to bring this subject up. I've always wanted to give him another child because we want one and also because I feel bad that he missed out on a lot. I want one really bad but he has worse baby fever than I do.
Im just not sure how to handle this. The only solution I can think of would be to have a child when Kaitlyn is around 3 that way I can get schoolong done, start working and even get maternity leave. But that seems like soooooooo long from now.
Any advice appreciated!
Time flies!
Anyway you decide it, time goes so fast.
No advice here. Our first two are about 3 1/2 years apart. The second and third almost 5 years apart. I wish we would have had the second and third closer. But they all get along so well, I can't complain.
You both need to sit down and talk about how you feel and why you feel that way. I believe Kaitlyn is almost one, that's only 2 years away and you'll be pregnant for nine months. Wow, it's closer than it sounds;)
Good luck!
I don't think 3 years between them it too much. I agree with Marg. Just sit down with dh and talk about it. Whatever you decide, things will work out. Good luck! (and it's always fun practicing!) 
My kids are 22 months apart and 26 months apart and I wish I'd had a little more of a break between them. Diapers for 7 years, anyone? But I understand how difficult it can be to juggle all the demands (good and bad) that there are on your time. I don't have any advice but I don't think that 3 years is such a long time to wait when you consider how busy you will be for the next couple of years.
I agree with Tink, my kids are 22 months apart. Sometimes I feel like I am cheating my ds, because I spend so much time with my dd.
You have to do what is right for you. I have friend that put her school on hold because she got pregnant. 2 kids later she is pregnant again, with only 10 months between the last & this one. I hate the way she treats her kids sometimes. She resents them to a certain point, & is thinking about having an abortion. Its a mess.
Let me also say that I in mean to make it sound like you would resent your dh or possible baby. Or that you would find yourself in this position. I am just saying that this is how she feels.
We are trying to decide on our 4th baby! I kind of want to wait until DS is 4 or 5 before the next (probably last) baby. I really want to have the time and energy to enjoy the next baby. My 3 kids now are all so close in age that it's mostly just a zoo around here (Not that I don't love it!) My first two are 14 months apart. My DS was born when my then youngest was 27 months. That was still just a little close, I think. I need a diaper break!!
The thing to remember is that everything always works out. It might not be how you had it planned out in the "perfect world", but you make do and you get through it!
I agree with the resentment, Emily because i've seen it with many people. Though, I think I love babies way too much to resent anyone. If I had another child and never even went back to school I wouldnt mind either because I realize my main purpose is to raise a family. (Well..... I guess to keep DH happy too )
I guess in the end im fine with waiting 3 years but I just need to find the easiest way to break it to DH and have him understand.
My sisters and I are all 3 yrs apart. It was perfect growing up and we are so close as adults!!!
I think a 3yr span is MUCH better than 2 myself.
I would definitely get the schooling out of the way if at all possible before you have another baby. Or you may be like me and just give up the idea eventually! I dont want to start college over when I am 35 and start a new career at 40. I quit college at 20 when I had my first ds (i was on birth control when I got preg. btw). Then had another ds at 21! (we didnt try to prevent him tho. however, that was a little too close --18mos apart) I have gone to college on and off throughout the yrs, then I had another baby at 28. I have taken 3 classes since I had him, but I will be 32 this week and am just losing the desire to go the older I get.
Maybe its an attitude thing. Really tho by the time I am 40 I could have grandkids that need me around.
So my advice to you is too FINISH YOUR schooling dont put it off for dh. He can wait a yr or so for another baby. JMO! ;)
Good luck with everything!
Mine are 2 years and 8 months apart. It has been a comfortable interval for us. Sometimes they get along and sometimes they don't! LOL!
I think 3 years is a good spacing. My older two are 2 years and 6 months apart. They get along really well and are very close.
You need to do what you know you can handle. And I think that if you are that close to being done with school you should finish that first, for sure. Talk to Dh. Maybe there is a middle ground you aren't seeing on your own.
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