I've been FT since December. It was hard to become PT, after being a SAHM for 8 years, but we were slowly adjusting. Then the FT came up, and it was closer to school and home, so I took it. It's now April, and things are just getting worse. I've never been so disorganized and depressed (and angry). I guess it's true, be careful what you wish for, you may get it. So I talked to DH about going back to PT (though it may no longer be an option), and he basically said "no." His reasoning is sound (of course) and makes me feel selfish. We are in middle age, need to think about retirement, college for kids in 4 years, etc. We had been living paycheck to paycheck, and now for the first time, we have a cushion. It's nice. But this morning I had to explain to my 8 yr old why I couldn't come to a school function (again) because of work. Work's flexible, but I still have to put in an appearance, and can't do all the school stuff like before. How do I smooth things out? How do I choose which functions to go to? How do I get over this anger? And how is it possible to cut our income and go back? Can I ever go back? Help!!!!

By Ladypeacek on Friday, April 23, 2004 - 10:27 am:

WOW!! Thats alot to think about!! I just became a sahm after working 60 hour weeks for years. So i am at the other end screaming for help, lol! I keep trying to decide what i want to do if i go back once all our kids are in school but don't even know where to start! I guess i wasn't much help lol but figured i would vent some too!!!

By Happynerdmom on Friday, April 23, 2004 - 10:27 am:

(((Janet))) I don't have a whole lot of advice, but as far as the school functions, how about letting your kids make that decision? Say, "Mommy can't come to both. Which would you rather me go to?" Sometimes the functions they think are more important are not the ones we would have picked! It sounds like your kids are old enough to understand your having a full-time job, and not being able to do everything...especially if they see the benefits for themselves.(clothes, more activities, etc.) It sounds like, at least for now, you may be stuck full-time, so I guess the best choice may be to work on how you look at the situation. It does sound like you've got a lot to be thankful for.(I'm not going to go into "mommy mode" and tell you to "change your attitude, or else!!" LOL) Good luck, Janet. (((more hugs)))

By Mommyathome on Friday, April 23, 2004 - 11:31 am:

((((Hugs))))
Maybe you could talk to your DK's teachers and ask if there is any way you could get an advanced list of upcoming programs and functions. That way, you may be more able to adjust your schedule well in advance. Also, that will give you and your kids the time to discuss which function they would rather have you at.

By Janet on Friday, April 23, 2004 - 02:49 pm:

I do have a lot to be thankful for...you're right. I'm just tired of being tired. I had 8 good years, which is more than most. It's just life, which isn't always fun.

By Happynerdmom on Friday, April 23, 2004 - 03:03 pm:

No, life isn't always fun, but you've GOT to take care of yourself. Are you eating right and getting enough rest? What about some vitamins? Also, if you feel like the depression is getting out of control, go see your doctor. Don't be ashamed to ask for some help. Maybe you and your family (DH included!) could sit down and try to figure out some ways to better organize the house, help you get more done, ease the stress in any way. I guess I'm just rambling. My point is to make sure you're taking care of yourself...When we're tired, we feel like we can't handle anything.

By Mommmie on Friday, April 23, 2004 - 08:12 pm:

Well, how funny I read your post on a day where I left work for 4 hours to see the 3rd grade school play!

I stayed home for the first 2 years, and worked 30 hours a week for the next two years and have worked 40 hours a week for the last 5. I'll tell you what I've learned since then...

Lots of parents miss lots of functions. Lots of parents come to a function, say straight from their internal medicine practice and then stay on the cell phone during the entire function (that would be today where phones were ringing like a symphony).

Course, it's nice and important to go to as many functions as humanly possible. Luckily my son is in a private school where they have very few bec people are driving from 10-20-50 miles each way to get there and they can't make too many demands on the parents logistically. (Today's play was the first of 2 functions this year.)

But when my son was in the public school...Lord Have Mercy....one function after another! I finally said to myself, No mmore. This is ridiculous. I noticed the SAHMs weren't even attending every function. I had this false idea that all the "good" moms would be at every function and the reality of it is we have other responsibilites, too. We have other children to care for, elderly parents to care for, volunteer work scheduled, an emergency plumber coming and WORK.

I think you are being realistic to consider paying for college, retirement, etc. I think it's good for our children to see us working in order to help them meet goals (college) and for the parents to think about their own future (retirement). I think people are terribly underestimating how much money you need for retirement. Social Security will not cut it. And if your husband likes for you to share the financial responsibilities I would honor that.

For me being a working mom is A LOT harder than being a SAHM, having done both. It's not easy getting kids and yourself out the door in the morning dressed for the work day. It takes planning! I can't drop my son off at school wearing my PJs.

On a practical matter, I am gradually eliminated caffeine and I am sleeping better and feeling more rested. I also take 1.5 mile walk several times a week. That helps, too.

Hang in there! A good book about this is The Price Of Motherhood.

By Paulas on Friday, April 23, 2004 - 09:01 pm:

LOL Laurie...I had to laugh at the part about dropping your son off in your PJs. I'm a WOHM full time and on Wednesday I get to do just that. I'm a teacher and I'm so excited that Wednesday is PJ day at our school. YAAA HOOO!

And Monday...I don't even have to comb my hair...Wacky Hair Day! Now, if only they had planned both for the same day I would be all set!

On a serious note...I understand completely about the school functions. Although I've been working since my dd started school I spent the first two years teaching at the same school (one year as her teacher) so I didn't miss a thing. This year has been tough. My first week of work (I took over a mat leave in October) she was selected Student of the month and I missed the assembly. Yesterday her class sang at the Earth Day assembly and I missed it.

By Janet on Saturday, April 24, 2004 - 10:46 am:

Laurie, you have so many good points, and I appreciate everyone's input on this..I do. I don't think I'm depressed, but I am definitely over-extended. I think a lot of it is trying to keep my "Mommy" jobs going while working FT, and that isn't possible. I mean, keeping the house clean, cooking good meals, etc...all by myself. My family hasn't made the transition to "we all have to pitch in," and I am mentally still feeling like I have to do it all. Funnily enough, my 14 yr old dd is the worst! While the 8 yr old thinks it's cool to be responsible and clean the cat box and the toilets, my older dd gets her nose out of joint if I ask her to set table or that I won't be home when she gets home from school. I guess it's teen attitude, but it makes me nuts! Anyway...Thanks for listening. Seems like all I do is whine on this board!