WOW Did I catch your attention with that one?? Actually it's really not funny. I went to a couple of websites about sexual addiction and some of the symptoms are there (I think this may be my husbands problem) He's not out getting it somewhere else...I am sure of that...it's just some of the things he does here. It's sort of a sensitive subject and I guess I'd be best with a support group for that subject. Do they have them? And if it's not that serious (I mean because he's not cheating on me, he's not surfing porn, he got rid of the playboy channel) am I the one with the problem?
God, does that even sound like it makes any sense?
I think if any of you are dealing with this, or have dealt with it, it will make as much sense as it has to .
Thanks
Beth

By Ladypeacek on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 09:51 am:

Actually we had a friend of the family with this problem, its just like an alcoholic. If he isn't cheating or surfing porn and he got rid of the channel then it seems he is as addicted as any man is! Our friend could not get through a day without it, he slept with anyone and everyone (he was not married) he was on porn so much that he lost job after job because of it. It was serious and after losing his house due to forclosure he finally has been seeing a psychiatrist about it. IF you think he is too obsessed, have you tried talking to him about it?

By Eight_Kids on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 10:21 am:

I've mentioned it. More than once probably, not always on a gracious and caring note I'm sure. He sent me an e-mail the other day (he never sends me e-mail) that said something about me not liking his parenting skills or something and me not liking his sexual addiction. I don't know if it was meant to be sarcastic or if he's actually given it some thought. I read on one website that they usually have some other addiction as well and he's a recovering alcoholic...I just don't know if I'm overreacting is all. It's mostly just the stuff he does at home. Nothing really major or shocking or anything. Just the frequency and the aftermath if the need is not met. I go through he(( some days. But if I'm overreacting with the kids I just wonder if I'm overreacting with this too. Does that make any sense?

By Truestori on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 10:53 am:

Men use sex as a stress reliever and with 8 kids I'm sure he needs it! LOL From what you described above I don't see a problem. Communication is key, and it sounds like you guys have that.

By Tink on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 01:14 pm:

I also think he sounds like a healthy red-blooded male but there may be more to the story. I know that addictive personalities tend to shift addictions from one area to another. My dh is a recovering addict (10 years clean and sober this month!!) but he is now into cars, and I do mean INTO! If he isn't passionate about something else, can you encourage that?

By Kim on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 08:11 pm:

I do know about sexual addiction. My h has it, soon to be ex. In my h's case his other addiction was spending. They told him at SA that your monetary affairs will always be screwed up until you stop the sex add. They have a co group for women/men of the add. person. Look under SA or sex anonymous.

By Irene on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 11:00 pm:

How many times a day/week are we talking about? What do you mean, "...the aftermath if the need is not met...I go through he(( some days"? How angry does he get?

By Eight_Kids on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 08:02 am:

It's not so much how angry he gets it's just the stuff he does. He ends up putting me down in every area of my life. There is something wrong with everything....unless I'm having sex with him on his idea of a continual basis. I've been a ****, among other things. It's just stuff that's totally not tolerable. Stuff I shouldn't have to deal with. Not coming from my husband!?! Yesterday he told me that he knows sometimes he acts like a 16 yo boy and he needs to work on that. Everyday or 2 or 3 times a day????I'm 35, have a full time job and 4 kids in my house. I'm already too tired most of the time anyway. And then there's the weekends we have 8 kids in the house. No way!!! I've read survey's. Married couples in our age group average about 1 to 2 times a week, some say 2 to 3. Not 7 to 14!!!
I think, after some of the things we talked about yesterday (I was off from work, he doesn't work and the kids are at school from 7:30 until they get off the bus at 3:40. Sort of gives you a lot of time to talk) he realized how close I was to taking Savanna and finding another place to live. I think he understands where I'm coming from. I don't know. I think he played a lot of head games with his first wife. They were young. And my first marriage was a mess also. I was an emotional wreck when I got out of that one and I don't want to end up like that again. I'll leave before I let that happen. We got a lot of things out in the open yesterday without it turning into a shouting match. Keep your fingers crossed!!

By Eve on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 12:26 pm:

I don't think this sounds normal at all. Addiction is addiction. It doesn't matter what the "drug" is. He needs some counseling and real help. Especially if he is being hurtful to you. I hope you can really encourage him to seek some help! You are of value, you are worthy of being treated well! You deserve to be treated with respect. Don't forget that! Husband or otherwise should not be calling you the C word!

There is a really good book called "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix. DH and I read it before we were married and it was really insightful! I hope things get better soon. ((HUG))

By Boxzgrl on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 01:59 pm:

I think my DH is going through that. Yes hes young, 22, but I dont think the constant need for sexual pleasure has any excuse. I am okay with 3-4 times a week (which is much more than most) but DH prefers EVERYDAY and if he doesnt get it, it goes to self gratification. We have actually been working on it the past few months and had an honest heart to heart talk about how I consider porn mentally cheating and its not acceptable. Everything was great, the trust built back up... until last night. I woke up to him watching porn, right in our bed laying next to me while I was sleeping.

So, the cycle continues and were back to square 1.

Good luck to you because I know how frustrating it is. And your not the weird one, you just know the reality of intimacy.

By Tink on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 02:09 pm:

I had no idea that this was going on to this degree. Disregard anything I said before! If you are being talked to like this for ANY reason, there is a problem. If you are giving so much and he is still unhappy, there are some other issues. I also hate that he sounds like a spoiled kid. "If I don't get what I want, I can have a temper tantrum and say mean and hurtful things until I do get my way!" He needs to get into a counselor that specializes in this and I would also suggest that you get some therapy, either with him or on your own. It can be hard to not put up with it when you have for so long, but you need some help with this, also.

By Ladypeacek on Thursday, April 22, 2004 - 02:17 pm:

Well to me it still doesn't sound like sexual addiction...it sounds like a serious case of jerk to me!! My friend that was addicted was never ugly or mean, he just couldn't help himself! But he was always nice and polite to women. I think your dh is disrespecting you and it sounds more like a CONTROL addiction!

By Eight_Kids on Monday, April 26, 2004 - 12:59 pm:

there is such thing as control addiction?????? please tell me more!!!! He's already been told (maybe 2 yrs ago) that he had an 'obsessive control disorder' but I could never find any information on that? If you know where to get it please let me know!

By Ladypeacek on Monday, April 26, 2004 - 01:16 pm:

http://www.coping.org/control/content.htm

I think that control addiction tend to be more specified to what a person tends to control, like sex..ect..but there is such a thing. I studied aspects of it in class. Maybe this site will help a little.

By Ladypeacek on Monday, April 26, 2004 - 01:19 pm:

oh and the part that is about manipulation of others might be what you really are looking for!

By Kim on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 01:53 pm:

ladyp, the niceness or meaness has nothing to do with sex addiction. Mine was horrible at time, very disrespectful, very mean. Mine does not like women. Which makes it easier for him to use and abuse women. Just my 2 cents. I was with him for 12 years.

eightkids, I hope you looked up sex anon. It helped me quite a bit. The other women helped me keep check that it was not me. At this point I am glad he is gone. BTW, mine called me the c word too. There is absolutely NO reason that is acceptable!

By Ladypeacek on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 02:10 pm:

Kim, i know that not all sex addicts are mean but with the situation she is in i think that it may not be all about sex, its about control and manipulation! I don't think he is truly addicted to sex, not if he doesn't do all the things that addicts do, the only thing he does is use it as a weapon to manipulate her. There is a big difference!

By Melana on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 05:27 pm:

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000942.htm

http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-an05.html

Here are some links on obsessive compulsive disorder, and the first is obsessive compulsive personality disorder.