Just wondering how many of you have been to a marriage/family therapist. We have decided to go after we seperated and realized that it might help resolve a few issues that we both have individually as well as a couple. Most of the problem is we are a young couple (mid 20's) trying to figure out how to not argue and let it go overboard. Of course couples will have arguments, but we both just dont know when to let it go or when to back off for awhile. He came and brought my attention to therapy and brought up the list.

So what do we look for in a therapist? We have an entire list and we dont even know how to choose. What has been some of your experiences? What types of areas do they cover? etc I would appreciate any information.

By Ladypeacek on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 04:06 am:

My experience it that its hard to find a good one but it can be done. i myself have never went but took classes on marriage counseling to start doing it for the military. The biggest thing is to know for sure that both of you are willing and wanting it to work for yourself not just for kids or because you are scared to be alone...ect. I hope that it works!
As far as what to look for maybe try to find one that works with alot young couples. Since i don't know you i can't give you much more..maybe find someone that agrees with your own beliefs spiritually or otherwise.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 06:29 am:

Find out the therapist's educational training, certifications, and experience. If your state requires licensing or offers licensing, are they licensed? I've been to a couple of different kinds of counseling, and if the therapist is not a pschologist or psychiatrist (which you don't need, I suggest), look for someone with at least an undergraduate degree and preferably a graduate degree in some kind of social work.

Unhappily, in many states counselors, marriage counselors and therapists are not required to be licensed or have specific kinds of training and then you have to be really careful.

If you are church related, I'd ask the pastor for a referral. Otherwise, see if there is a mental health support and/or advocacy organization in your area or state and ask them for a list, or call one of the organizations that supports and advocates for women (abuse and other issues) and ask them for a list. Your local hospital may also have a list of counselors. Any of these organizations should have some criteria before they add counselors to their referral list.

Since your husband brought up the idea, it sounds like he thinks it is a good idea. Can he do some of the homework in checking out the list? You are way ahead of the game if he is in favor of counseling - most of us who have btdt had to drag our husbands and mine wouldn't even go (one of the reasons he is my ex).

One of the things I would look for is a counselor who sets up both joint sessions and individual sessions, so that each of you can work out your individual issues as well as learning in joint sessions what the issues are and how to approach and deal with them.

That you are both willing to try to work things out is very good. I wish you every success.

By Rayanne on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 08:09 am:

My husband and I went to a minister before we got married. He helped out a lot. I don't know if you belong to a church, but sometimes people from their can help too. Good luck.

By Mommyathome on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 11:59 am:

We haven't been to therapy before, but have considered it. Just never actually taken the step.
Our church offers therapy through a professional therapist at no cost to us if we are interested. We have heard that he is excellent. Like Ginny said, if you are active in a church, start there for recommendations.
((((hugs))))

By Debbie on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 12:25 pm:

I went to marriage counseling with my dh a few years ago. I also have a friend that went to counseling with her dh. We found an excellant counselor our first try. We were really lucky. He was great about just guiding the conversations, but having us problem solve. He really focused on teaching us to communicate. He also taught us techniques to work through our problems. I personally feel this is the best kind of counselor because after you stop going, you still have the tools to keep your relationship strong. Now, my friend went to a counselor and he ended up being a very confrontational, in your face kind of person. It was a disaster and only made things worse. After just a few sessions her dh refused to go to any counselor. Good luck in your search. A good counselor can make all the difference in a struggling relationship. If you don't like the first counselor you go to, try another.

Ginny, had some great suggestions on choosing one. My dh's insurance covered ours and they gave us a list of 3 in our area. They were all licensed, so we just started down the list and figured we would keep trying until we found one we liked.

By Boxzgrl on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 01:09 pm:

I dont have too much advice, just wanted to say Good Luck and stay strong. I hope all goes well. (((HUGS)))

By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 21, 2004 - 05:01 pm:

Thank you everyone! We are in a very commmercial area so that is why we have a list of about 100 docs (but about 50 offices) Dh took half the list and I started calling on my half today. We mostly have to wait to hear back from the docs cause they are usually in session. I went to therapy when I was really young.

My Dh gfather is the pastor of the church we attend to. And his parents are highly active in the church. I have suggested a while ago that we talk with them on the issues, but really they didnt like our relationship much from the beginning when we concieved before marriage. So I dont feel I can talk to them about the issues since they are too close to the family. I think what we need is in outsider so that we arent judged or pushed one way or another.