Thoughts about grandparents
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Thoughts about grandparents
There have recently been several posts about grandparents not watching kids, not babysitting, not being very involved with the grandchildren, etc. This is not referring to any one post, lest anyone think I am pointing a finger at them, rather several posts in the past few weeks. Just wanted to get an idea of what you feel a grandparent's role is in the life of their grandchildren and why you feel this way. I'll start.
I don't think grandparents are obligated in any way to fulfill the role of babysitter or daycare provider. Neither my parents nor my inlaws live in the same town as us and never have. However, if they did I know I might call them occasionally to watch the kids or pick the kids up from school, but I would certainly understand if they couldn't. When I am a grandparent I will love having grandkids and want to spend a lot of time with them, but I will still have my career and/or be doing a lot of traveling, so I wouldn't want to be consistently obligated to being the childcare/babysitter person. I will certainly want to spend quality and quantity time with my grandkids, but I don't really want to participate extensively in raising them since I will have BTDT. My parents and inlaws are great about keeping the kids for a weekend here or there or even a week on occasion so dh and I can have some alone time, go to a conference, etc. As a matter of fact, they are keeping the boys for 5 days next week so I can go on a youth mission trip with dh. However, we don't ALWAYS ask them (going to a marriage retreat in May and we are getting a college student to stay with them) and we aren't upset if they can't help out because we realize that they have lives too. Even if they don't have anything planned I repsect the fact that they may just want to have a lazy weekend and not be responsible for anything or anyone else. They have earned that, IMHO.
I spent some good quality time with my maternal grandfather growing up. I spent lots of good quality time with my paternal grandparents and am really close with my grandmother. I spent many nights with them, but their job was to spoil and create fun. They never babysat per se and I can only once remember my grandmother speaking sternly to me. I always got to stay up until 10:30 (way past my bedtime) when I stayed with them and we ate leftover pizza for breakfast. To me that is what grandparents do.
SO...what do you think?
Pam, I agree with your view on Grandparenting. You are very lucky to have parents and inlaws like you do. I have very distant parents thus distant from their grandchildren. It is really sad. I miss my grandparents, they are passed. They were very loving towards us and I have fond memories of them. I miss them. I wish my children could experience grandparents love. Some people should never have children. I like to think I take after my grandmothers values of how important family is. I have the same view as you when I become a grandparent(hopefully). I want to do my own thing too, hopefully travel. I also want to be a super Gramma! At least my children will be able to experience Grandparents through the eyes of their children if they choose to have them that is. For all those people who have Grandparents that play a role in your childrens lives, please be thankful.
Great question!!
First, I will give my experience with my own grandparents. My dad's father passed away when I was four. I only have one memory of him. My sister and I used to spend the night often with my dad's mom. It must have been on Saturday night's because we used to have tv dinners and watch the Love Boat. Then I would go to bed and my older sister would stay up to watch Fantasy Island. LOL. She developed alzeheimer's when I was around 11 or so, so my memories are from when we were pretty young. As for my mom's parents, they lived in the same town as us. However, because she had eight brothers and sisters we weren't necessarily really close with them. My sister was the oldest of the grandkids and I was number five (of twenty). I remember sleeping over there one time. There were never birthday or Christmas gifts or cards.
When I got pregnant with ds #1, dh and I lived about two hours away from my parents and on the opposite side of the country from dh's parents. My parents have always dreamt of being the kind of grandparents that lived down the street and could call the kids over to lick the bowl when she made cookies. I always felt like I could call them anytime I needed them to be there, even if it was just because I was stressed and needed a break. Unfortunately, that will probably never live close enough to them for that to be a reality.
When ds #1 was 7 months old, we moved to CA. Eventually we moved to within five minutes of dh's parents. As close as we have been to them, I had always felt funny about asking them to watch the kids. They are the most wonderful in-laws a girl could ask for and they love their grandkids tremendously, but I always have felt like I was imposing on them to ask them to take the kids. In the time we lived close to them they only kept the kids over two times each for the boys-for camping trips. When I wasn't feeling good it was my mom and dad I would call to whine to, even though they were 3000 miles away and could do nothing. They just have a different view as to a grandparents roll than my parents have. And that's fine. They are great with the kids and when they take them it's always for special things. I just never felt like I could call them when I was sick or stressed and just needed a break.
Now my in-laws live 3.5 hours away. A couple weeks ago we went there for Peyton's birthday. The intent was to spend the day and then continue up to Tahoe. They asked to keep the kids (all three!) overnight. They didn't have to ask twice! LOL.
I pray I can one day be the grandma who lives close who can take the grandkids just because. I certainly wouldn't want to do everyday childcare because, as you say, BTDT. But I do hope to have the option to see the kids whenever.
My children have only one set of grandparents living. When I was growing up, only my maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother were alive, but they were older and lived too far away for me to see them more than once or twice a year. I was never close to them, but I knew they loved me and I loved them back.
My mother, when she was alive, spent as much time with my kids as she could. (My parents were separated.) I guess I did want her to babysit for me if I needed her, but that was because I trusted her more than anyone else. That's not to say I expected her to drop everything else, but she would always agree to it if she didn't have other plans (and my mom was a very busy woman!) She was the one who spoiled them and had fun with them, but she also opened the door for them to new experiences and opportunities that my young age and inexperience couldn't. She had a different relationship with them than I did and she throughly enjoyed them, all the while impressioning on them some of her ideals and values. My father was a presence in my kids' lives, but the relationship was different. They were not as close to him as they were to my mom.
It is greatly different with my MIL (FIL is seen maybe twice a year). She used to visit at least once a month and spend time with them, but she doesn't bother as much now. I am a little disappointed that my kids are missing out on a close grandparent/child relationship that my mom tried to establish, but it seems like it will be the same situation I had growing up.
What should grandparents' roles be? Well, I always envisioned that they would be another person to learn from and lean on. Someone that my kids knew loved them and could be depended upon for emotional support and guidance. Someone who wasn't always the 'you can't do that', but instead the 'why not?'. And yes, someone who would happily babysit them or keep them for a night (or 2  ) so mom and dad could have an "off" night. I hope to be that kind of grandparent when it's my turn. 
Pam, I agree with your grandparenting views.
I only saw my grandparents once a year, because we lived 12 hours apart. I have fond memories of them but never saw them often enough to really bond.
DH's parents are no longer living. My MIL died before the kids were born.  My FIL came to visit almost every Sunday whether invited or not. UG!! It was quite annoying but we dealt with it because we knew how much spending time with his grandkids meant to him. Now he is gone, too.
My parents live 8 hrs. away. We make a point of seeing them at least once, if not 2 or 3 times a year. We met them at WDW in November, and are going to visit them in a few weeks while the kids are on vacation. We keep in touch often by phone, e-mail and snail mail. Obviously they're not close by and not available to baby-sit. Even if they were I would not ask them often, if at all. I love and respect my parents dearly, but we have very different parenting philosophies. I'll leave it at that.
My mom was very close to my kids before she died. My folks were great about watching the kids if I was in a bind or if we were going out of town. But, I never expected them to be my kids only or full time babysitter. My folks were very active and had their own social life..they weren't "old people with nothing better to do but watch my kids". Both my folks would grab my kids to do fun outings, just them on ocassion. We would send my kids to see the inlaws individually once a summer or maybe long weekends before their health went downhill.
My sister in law had the attitude of "your the grandparent, you should always be at my beck and call" and it really hurt her relationship with my parents and her's kids with my folks. No one wants to spend time with someone who demands it. She took out the fun and spontanity of it.
Hmmmm....spoiling is okay IF it doesn't go against certain wishes of the parents. Extra candy or late bedtimes are one thing, but I think that kind of stuff can easily get out of hand and make your children impossible when they get home to reality. I was never close to my grandparents and they never babysat me. My girls see my mother all the time and she and my sisters are the ONLY babysitters they have EVER had. I will never leave them with a 'teen babysitter' or even a college sitter. Family only. Is that a problem? No, because we rarely go out, my mother and sisters all live right here, and between the three of them, usually one of them is available. If not we stay home, no big deal. Yes, they have different parenting philosophies as Trina mentioned, but I'm definitely the parent and they don't usually try to usurp me. Truly they hardly ever babysit and we truly are the most boring couple ever and just don't need them often. But they do see the girls all the time just for fun. I'm lucky that they do like to babysit when needed, and I don't EXPECT them to do it, but I do APPRECIATE it.
They rarely see my husband's parents and they've never babysat and I would never ask them to unless I was completely desperate. They live 45 minutes away but they just aren't the typical grandparent type. I think they enjoy the girls when they do see them, but I think they could easily go the rest of their lives with never seeing them again. My daughter just had a birthday that they did not come to, and on my other daughter's FIRST birthday they cancelled at the last minute because the weather was so nice they wanted to stay home and do things outside in the yard. They've missed at least half the birthdays and even a Christmas here or there. Mainly they send cards with checks. It doesn't really bother me or my husband or the girls, it's just the way it is. It's not how *I* intend to be someday though.
When I'm a grandparent I hope to be the main babysitter, too!! At least I say that NOW...LOL! But truly, I want to be close to them and have them overnight and all that stuff, and I would feel much better if *I* was the babysitter than if some non family member was. Just my own way, and what's right for ME, not necessarily for anyone else!
Odd timing, I just got off the phone with my Grandad. He talked my ear off for 1-1/2 hrs.
As for my Grandparents, I guess I was spoiled rotten and mislead as to what Grandparents should be. lol They both farmed in the same small town in West Texas. My parents actually met in Jr High School in this town. Became High School Sweethearts and got married. 40 yrs later they are still married thankfully. Anyway, I was born in this small town and my Mom helped my Dad farm. My Grandma's spend alot of time with us. But at times we went to a babysitter as well. So they certainly werent being our daycare providers. lol We eventually moved from this town. EVERY summer break for the rest of my childhood my Grandmothers would decide who was going to drive to get us girls for the summer. They would drive to get us and 'share' us during the summer. LOL They took us to the library, swiming pool, shopping for school clothes, taught us to sew (still cant do it very well), let us help in the garden, took us to see plays, took us to vacation bible school, taught us to shell peas , turned us lose in their old Blazer driving up and down the turn rows, and we had a huge meal morning, noon and night. We rode the combine's, tractors (yes my sisters and I all know how to drive them), rode in the grain trucks to the elevator with Grandpa, went to my cousins stock shows, I could go on and on. I actually lived with my Grandparents for most of my Sophomore yr in high school. I am still crying about my Grandma that passed away. I'll just have a memory of her and the tears come.
We spent alot of holidays with them as a big family gathering.
As for my parents (who live 20 min away)they both work full time. So it is completely different circumtances than with my Grandparents. My parents are very interested in my children, they remember their birthdays and make a huge deal of spoiling them, they really love Christmas with the grandkids and again shower them with love and attention. I dont call on them regularly to babysit because I know my Mom works hard and I understand/respect that. But my Mom is the type that after about 3-4 mos of me not asking them to babysit will call and *ask* to have the kids overnight because she misses them! She also likes to spend one on one with each of them. So she will at times take one of them either for the day/night and then take turns until she has had them all by themselves. My dad is self employeed and is very nice to offer to help me with my kids if I ever need him to. I did have him keep Blake a few weeks ago for 2 hrs while I had some dental work done and they had a blast feeding the horses, driving the John Deere Gator to get hay, etc... When I went back to the dentist last week I had a friend come up to the office and sit with Blake. (in return I took her ds home with me the next day) I didnt ask my Dad 2 weeks in row to provide *childcare* for his Grandson??
BTW my sisters and I are very close and so we are always keeping each others kids. Not because we *have* to. Because we love them and enjoy being close to them. In fact I am considering watching my nephew all summer to help my sis out. And my other niece and nephew always spend a week with us in the summer.
The In-law's are a whole other ball of wax... They never even ask about the kids, if and when they call... They only talk to dh. It makes me sad in a way because I feel sorry for my kids. But I personally think they are all a little wacky, so I am fine with them being around my kids 1 or 2 times a yr. They live about 9 hrs away. If they lived close by I would NOT ask them to watch my kids even in an emergency.
So, I sgree it isnt a Grandparents responsibility to provide daycare. But I think Grandparents play a very important role in a childs life and that role can be what you choose to make it. DH use to say to me he wanted to sell everything we owned, buy a sailboat to retire on and sail... I told him I would sail with him until my Grandkids start arriving. Then I want a *home* so that they can come to *Grandma's house* for Christmas, Easter, summer, or just for the day. Even then I dont mind traveling part time, but I want to be able to help with my Grandkids if I am needed and I want to be able to know them and have a relationship with them.
I am very close to my mom and we talk almost every day but she only watches my children when I am in the hospital having the next one! I wish she was a little more willing to watch them for an occasional evening. She is usually home and my kids are in bed by 8:00 each night.Just come sit at my house and watch cable or read all my trashy magazines that she loves but won't buy! Money is always tight for DH and I and paying a babysitter for three kids can double the cost for a movie date. I've talked to other moms about trading nights but the babysitting mom's kids don't sleep at the other house and it ends up being more hassle than help. We see my mom every Sunday and my kids are very close to her. She is young(50's) and works and travels so I don't expect her to move in or provide daily care for them but in seven years I'd like her to agree 1 or 2 times a year. Am I being unfair?
Well i live far from my mom now but i did live right down the street until now. My dd misses her very much. My ds is very young so he didn't get the chance to know her real well yet but he talks to her on the phone when we talk. My mother does not work so she did watch my dd when i was working BUT she wanted to AND i paid her 60 dollars a week to do so. There were times of course i took it for granted that she would just watch her but I always let her know that i appreciated it. I never assumed or expected her too. She is a wonderful mother and grandmother. I did not have grandparents that were active in my life when i was growing up. My mothers mom died when she was 5 and my grandfather took it so hard that he became a very distant and harsh man. My father was not part of my life till i was 18 so I had only seen his parents twice. My mom is very very active in their life so it is opposite ends of the spectrum. I am not sure what i feel the roles SHOULD be. I guess i feel it should be what is best for the family. Whatever works as long as all parts are happy about it and comfortable.
I only had 1 set of grandparents that lived a quarter of a mile away. We saw them all the time. They loved when we went up to visit. I would often stay with my grandmother, not as babysitting. But my grandfather worked nightwork and I would stay with her in the evenings to keep her company.
The other set couldn't care less, and I only remember seeing them once
My mil and fil died before any of the girls were born. Mil was in a coma for a long time and fil that's a whole other story.
My parents lived less than 2 miles away. Mom watched our children while I worked. I wouldn't trust anyone else, it's hard til this day.
She wouldn't have had it any other way. She loved them immensely. But did not spoil them. They were disciplined. She would always ask if she could watch them. We often invited her wherever we went as a family. Dad worked night worked and slept all day, so she often told me it was like living along
She often told me Alyssa was born to take her place, Alyssa looks just like my mom when she was little.
I'm glad mom spent so much time with our girls. They knew their grandmother (the only one they had living) and they loved her very much. Maybe mom knew something all along, but she wanted them around and often asked. However, they never spent the night except when Alyssa was born. And when mom was taking radiation Rachel would spend the night with her because dad was working.
I'm also hoping I live close to my grandchildren. I would like to travel but I really want to be a part of their lives if they will have me
Since my mom has passed away, dad rarely comes to visit since meeting Ethel. The children are heartbroken and I can not explain it to them. He came up 3-5 times a week before meeting her. And now they haven't seen him since Christmas
I really didn't answer you question Pam, I do think it's up to the grandparents and there are a lot of factors. Do they want to, are they able, are they capable and do you trust them?
I guess it depends. I only had my paternal grandma when I was growing up and she lived about 12 hours away. She was the "grandmotherly ideal," though, with cookies and hugs and patience. We visited at least once a year.
My dh's parents live in the same city, and our ds sees them about once a month. Dh & I would like them to be more involved but that seems to be all everyone can manage. They do love ds, but they both work, are less "grandparenty", and well...it's been a small point of contention.
In contrast, my parents live about 4 hours away and absolutely *DOTE* on ds. They adore him and take any opportunity to call and visit and do one or the other at least once a week.
I guess my ideal grandparents are more like my parents. I don't care about the babysitting aspect (nice benefit, though!), I like that ds' "Baba" (my Mom) will call ds long distance just to have a half-hour conversation with him about Spongebob.
She has waited a long time for grandchildren and keeps pestering me for more. I think my parents see grandparenting as a way to relive being parents with all the joy but none of the grunt work.
I don't think there could really be any set expectations as far as grandparents go. There are so many factors to consider like age, relationship, health, location. My mother loves to babysit and will come over anytime to watch the girls-she gets right down on the floor and plays and dresses up in costumes (she's almost 60 in great health). My Stepdad (her husband) never wants to come over with her and has stated he is waiting until the girl's are old enough to have a meaningful conversation. My Dad and Stepmother will visit every three-five months or so (have only asked us to their house once in 5 years-they live 1 1/2 hrs away). They will play a little while when they are here, but I couldn't imagine asking them to babysit. We see my husbands mother maybe every 6 months (she lives 5 hrs. away). If we are visiting her we really can't ask her to babysit since we stay in a hotel now when we go there. I wouldn't really want her babysitting anyways-she smokes and even though she does it outside I see no point in my children spending any time breathing in that. I could go on and on about issues with her but I will just leave it at that.
Basically I just consider my children lucky to have one very involved grandparent. They call my mother their "best friend". She spoils them which can get on my nerves (more so on DH's) but I guess she's been waiting a long time to be able to be a grandparent, like Laura said "all of the joy but none of the grunt work"
I think being a Grandparent can be as different as night and day. It depends on the person's personality.
My mom was born to be a Grandmother. My dad makes the joke all the time that if you believe in reincarnation that you would want to come back as my mom's grandchildren. You would want for nothing.
It's not that Timmy is spoiled, it's just the little things. She runs a bath for him in the morning and leaves the water in the tub all day long. He might take 6 or 7 baths a day by just adding hot water. The first things he does when he goes in the house is strip his clothes off and head for the bathroom with Grandma following close behind.
I didn't real all the responses, but ultimately what I hope is that when i am a grandparent my grandkids know me, love me and enjoy me. There is nothing like hearing my youngest, say I love God, mommy, pawpaw and daddy! Maybe they are a little too close..lol. ButMy children have been fortunate to have many grandparents, mine, my parents, then followed by my dad's new wife, my husband has two full sets of parents and had 2 living grandparents when we had children. Of all those people there are definitly some who my kids bond more with, it is because they make the time and effort. Sometimes because they spend money. But we visit my inlaws, both sets several times a year. This amounts to pretty equal time with each set, but more fun with one and when my 6 year old looks at pictures, he doesn't alway recognize a couple of them. Very sad to me! I use my dad for sitting, I always call him first, but try to be very clear that I have other sitters, but I know my youngest prefers him and it is free It is a crazy time for him now so he is spending lots of times with the kids, kind of the only way for him to cope (he just lost wife #2). Anyway...
I pretty much agree w/you Pam.
Growing up I only had 1 grandma alive. All of my other grandparents had died before I was born. My 1 grandma was very old and we weren't close at all. I never stayed with her. I remember she didn't let me run through the sprinklers on a hot summer day because it was wasting water LOL. She was very conservative. She died when I was 11 at age 102. I was very proud of her and her history, though never close to her.
As for my kids, they only have one set of grandparents. My DH's parents. My parents died and it breaks my heart that they didn't get the chance to see my kids grow up and to be "grandma and grandpa". I know they would have loved it dearly.
My DH's parents are EXCELLENT to watch the kids whenever we need them to. That being said, we are *very* careful about not asking too much. We rarely ask them to tend so that we can do something for ourselves. It's usually if I have a school meeting, or a doctors appointment or something like that. I don't ask them to tend just to give me a break.
They are also good to take them for a weekend a couple times a year. Usually around my birthday we go to a spa in Nevada and they take the kids for 2 nights and 3 days.
I don't like to over-use them, because like Pam said, it's not their responsibility. I'm very careful about making sure that they don't have plans before we ask them to tend.
On average, they watch my kids about once a week. Sometimes once every 2 weeks. And it's only for a couple hours. They live just a couple of miles from us. We see them more than that, but as a family. We will go over to pick something up or to drop something off and they see the kids at that time for maybe 30 minutes or so.
I've noticed that my MIL has started to discipline the kids in her own way when we are there as a family. That drives my DH nuts. He has told her to back off several times.
Also, if my kids spend a weekend over there, or have a sleepover on a Friday night w/grandma and grandpa (they invite them for a sleepover now and then) that they come home very cranky. The whole next day they are little bears. Not sure why, but it makes me think twice before letting them go again.
My DH's parents are fairly young. His mom is 44 and his step-dad is 47. They both work and have a lot going on in their own lives, so I don't expect a lot from them. But, I'm glad that they are willing to help out when we need them to. I think it's important not to abuse that or you may lose that
Robin, Your MIL is not much older than me! LOL! I just couldn't imagine being a grandparent at my age (40) but it's possible. Which leads me to this question..... How old are you kids' grandparents? I think that plays a factor in the grandparent/grandkid relationship. My parents are fairly healthy and young for their age. Mom is 67 and Dad is 71. They met us at WDW, and we had FUN! The highlight of the trip for me was going on the Rockin' Rollercoaster with my Dad, twice! He is young at heart and quite adventurous. Still tours the country on his Honda Gold Wing, scuba dives, etc., yet when my FIL was alive and the same age he laughed when the kids asked him to swing with them. He DID, but it was obviously a physical challenge for him.
Robin, I am older than your inlaws!! How depressing! My dh will be 50 next year! LOL
My parents were/are in their early 70's, so are my inlaws. My grandparents were about the same age. I don't think it's necessarily a function of age as much as state of mind. Like I said, my folks and inlaws are the same age, but my inlaws have always thought they were so, so they act it.
Trina, we should get our dads together sometime!! They sound like peas in a pod. My dad has a Harley for fun, a Mazda Miata for his "real" car, and he scuba dives every chance he can get. Goes to Mexico and/or the Florida Keys at least once a year in addition to lots of little local dives. My mom is 57 and my dad is 59. My mom is a former preschool/kindergarten teacher and loves kids. However, she tends to always want to "go" and "do" rather than just hang out with them. She did take both of my boys and my neice to Disney World all by herself last summer!!! All expenses paid! My dad's a good grandparent, but he has much less patience now than when I was little.
Dh's parents are 60 and 61. They are great---very laid back. The boys love to help Papa in his shop (he's a woodworker for fun) and he takes the boys out on his pontoon boat, fishing, and they have a pool. DH's mom feeds them well and they go swimming in the pool, play games, etc. My parents keep them busy and dh's parents just hang out and spend time.
I think it would be *nice* if grandparents wanted to see and spend time with their grandchildren, but we all know that's not always the case.
I guess it is *okay* for grandparents to express love, give gifts, but do nothing hands on or nothing that is really something helpful for the kids' parents, ie ask to babysit so the parents can go out.
My son and I live with my mother, but she says she has raised her kids and she hated every minute of it and she's not do the kid thing again. So, even though I live with my mother she does no babysitting and that's the way it is. It would be *nice* if she wanted to spend time with her only grandchild, but she'd rather watch Larry King and she's earned that right. Oh Well.
I see other grandparents actually ASK to spend time with their grandkids and grandmothers who actually provide full-time daycare for their grandkids bec they want to and I *wish* my mother was like that, but she's not.
And if another family member babysits, ie my brother or cousin, my mother expects me, requires me, to pay them $10/hour, bec she can't believe anyone would actually watch kids for nothing.
So, I have a hispanic co-worker who watches my son for me on the rare occassions I need to go out (usually a parent's only school function). She refuses payment bec she says it's her *pleasure to watch my son and she likes to hang out with him. She says it's a cultural thing. "You white people hate kids and hate helping each other out." Ha!!
I have three unique sets of grandparents. My in-laws, who are older and who come from families that believe that family takes care of family. They live next door and my kids are their lives. When we first had dd, and I had to work, they would hold her from the minute I dropped her off until I came back home. No crib or cradle or swing, just the two of them. I am sad because they are older (70's) and I know the kids will be devastated when they pass. My mother, lives alone, and she loves the kids and enjoys spending time with them too. Now, she's older but still goes to rock concerts (Billy Idol a few months ago)and she works at a liberal college and lives in a progressive city, so she'll be the hip grandmother. She's also fiercely proud of her Irish heritage and they will get a strong sense of that from her. My dad and his wife, love the kids, but she has a big family too and they have a very active social life, and they don't see them quite as much as the other two sets.
I have quite the opposite problem with my inlaws. They want to be TOO involved. My attitude is, these are not your children- you did that- and I am not your daughter (I have parents). It's really ugly. My MIL has said some really hateful things (in front of my son). She doesn't get his issues and has been on the blame the mother band wagon since he was born. (The first example of this was when he was in the NICU because he almost died- yes DIED- at four days old and she said, "How could you let them stick him with needles." It's progressed (down-hill) since then. She alsways has something to say about things I'm doing wrong ("He has attention problems because you give him too much sugar," "You are turning him into a zombie by giving him medication" (that was in front of him), etc.... I've had it. It's hard enough raising a child with needs. I don't need this negativity in my life. Anyhow, I don't answer my phone (she calls almost daily) and I can't really talk to her (she's coming on Sun- can't wait (sarcasm). Oh- and we don't live close enough (we live 2 hrs away- too close if you ask me). She claims if we lived closer, she'd be closer to the kids. I think it would be worse if that were the case. I want to scream, "GET A HOBBY! CANASTA or something!" Anyhow, there's MUCH more that she's said and done and I'm at the end of my rope.... Oh- and I don't trust her with my two year old because she doesn't say no to him. He's DANGEROUS if not carefully monitored.... But yet, one of her lovely comments about why my oldest has issues is that we don't say no to him! LOL!
I grew up with only one grandparent. My Nana was an extremely religious woman, who lived with her daughter's family, and helped her with her 8 children. I was never very close to her.
Now Nichole not only has 4 grandparents, but had 4 great grandfathers, and 3 great grandmothers that she remembers. She lives near her mother's parents, and sees them often, but they don't baby sit very much. We live pretty far away...(An 8 hour drive), but we talk on the phone at least once a week. We also write to each other and visit as often as possible. I really wouldn't want to be her babysitter on a regular basis. I think it would take the fun from our relationship. Now our times together are special...something we both look forward to. I like it this way.
My grandparents were my babysitters when i was growing up because my mom and dad both had to work to be able to put food on the table it's still that way they both work during the day and they are about 15 miles away my mother in law and father in law are about 5 or 10 minutes away in the same town and they babysit the boys all the time now when i'm at work because Daniel is deployed.When he comes back he will watch them again in the evening just like he did before he left.I do not think it's the grandparents responsibility but my mil and fil offered to watch the boys while i worked which i'm very thankful for.Now my mom and dad the boys usually see only once a week on sunday which sometimes that doesn't even happen but Nicholas will usually spend time with my sister and alex is a total mamal's boy she teaches him to cook and everything and he loves it.funny story we were at wal-mart the other day and instead of buying a toy with his money he was going to buy cooking utensils to use at mamal's house lol.
Robin, your MIL IS the same age as me! LOL! I didn't have my first kid until I was 29, though. I COULD have older children than I do!
I remember spending lots of weekends with my grandparents when I was a kid. I loved being the only kid for a while (there were three of us).
My grandparents only lived about 30 miles away, so we saw them a lot.
My parents lived 4 hours away when we first had kids. Then were 1-1/2 hours away for a few years. Now, are 2-1/2 hours away. We are on the way to Milwaukee and not that far from the freeway, so they often stop and drop stuff off either on their way north or south. Sometimes, they only give us a 10-20 minute warning that they are stopping by, although, you would think that a trip to Milwaukee from their house would have been planned ahead of time and they could give us more warning than they do. Then they only stay about 10 minutes, long enough to say hi, etc. They are too "busy!"
We do enjoy their company when we go up to their house, but sometimes I wish they would stay a little longer then when we are just another errand "on the way!"
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