My youngest ds was calling his brother names on the school bus today. My older ds is already being harrassed by some other older kids, the LAST thing he needs is for his own brother to harass him. My older ds is a quiet shy boy. He calmly told his brother to stop. He didn't. I am so angry and upset by his behavior that I am waiting to calm down before dealing with him. What would you do? He is almost 7yrs old.

By Momaroze on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 07:15 pm:

Well, I think I am going to make him print lines. I know he won't like that...he can't print very fast. Lines will take time away from after school fun things.

By Gammiejoan on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 07:58 pm:

I would have a discussion with him about how it feels to be called names or to be made fun of. I would ask him to tell me how he thought it made his brother feel when he did this. Then I would ask him to tell me how he feels when someone does something like this to him. I would definitely make him apologize to his brother. Then I would ask him what punishment he thinks he should receive for doing this. I probably wouldn't do much more than this at this time, but I would set up some clear rules about how any future incidents will be handled.

By Bobbie on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 08:13 pm:

Agreed... Got to watch over punishing since you haven't drawn the lines. Basically if you over punish it might get worse. You need to go about this by trying to get him to see things from his brothers side. In the discussion you need to draw clear lines about it being unacceptable and that the next time X and Y will happen. Then if it happens again the rules will already be in place and he will have no one to blame but himself. As it sits right now he will most likely blame your other son if you take the punishment to far. Dealing with siblings is so hard they can build resentment if you aren't careful.. Best of luck..

By Jewlz on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 08:27 pm:

i know this is prolly to late ..but teachers long ago came to realize that lines dont do a whole lot as for discipline. consider the chat on how it made ur other son feel and then consequences the next time. peer pressure is tuff. maybe he should be encouraged to do something nice to help make up with his brother ...other than just sayin im sorry to him ... and then includin him in the chat to help explain how he felt when the other boys picked on him and then his own brother joined in ....

By Bobbie on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 08:33 pm:

I agree about the writing sentences by the way. All I remember about writing sentences was hand cramps and finding ways to get through them quicker... They really didn't do much as far as me making me remorseful or teaching me a lesson. I would try to incourage a relationship between the boys. Show them areas that they can connect on. And try to point out the good points of DS (that was picked on). Talk, Talk, Talk.

By Momaroze on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 10:18 pm:

Thanks all. I agree with you completely. I never did get ds to write lines although he could use the practice LOL. No, I did sit down with him and talk about feelings etc..he did apologize to his brother. Joan, I like the idea of letting HIM decide his own punishment. It is important to have open communication. My oldest ds is nothing short of a dream son. Proud mommy!!!! We talk about everything! Since a very young age. Thanks again for your valuable input much appreciated. It was nice to vent and sort through this before dealing with it directly. That is what I love about this place!

By Mommmie on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 10:23 pm:

Have him do the apologizing in writing to his brother and use some of his allowance to buy a nice card for him.

Talk to him how a family sticks together.

By Kate on Thursday, April 1, 2004 - 01:44 pm:

I read about this in Lisa Whelchel's book 'Creative Correction'. If you have the supplies on hand, have him nail a nail in a fence or piece of wood each time he hurts someone with his words. Don't lecture, just have him do this task and let it go. After enough nails have been pounded in (and enough transgressions have occurred, your discretion) have him remove the nails. The fence or wood or whatever will have ugly holes in it. The point is, you can remove the nails (apologize) but the nail (hurtful word) still leaves its mark. I thought it was a neat method. You could even use a pretty picture and thumbtacks instead of wood and nails. It's pretty impressionable as for how our words always leave marks, good or bad. You can also have him put nails into an orange. The orange will begin to putrefy in reaction to the nails and when removed the damage to the orange is obvious.