Ever year we go through this and it bothers me. My oldest daughter birthday is in April a day before her birthday my inlaws will send her a card and money. Then my second daughter is the same way a day before her birthday she will also get a card and money. When it comes time for the twins birtday they get nothing no birthday card not even a email sent to them this has gone on now for almost 3 years. Hubby talked to his Dad last year and FIL told hubby that the mail had lost there gifts on the same phone call hubby talked to his mom and she said that they haven't sent anything yet. They would in a couple of days. Well nothing came and the same thing happend the year before. They never sent anything to them when they were born nothing. and it makes me mad that they don't recognize them. What should we do. I told hubby if it happend this year I thought I would wait until after the twins birthday and if nothing is sent then I would send back the older girls cards and money. I just don't know.

By Colette on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 08:49 pm:

If the older girls haven't already gotten the cards and money and the twins get nothing, I would send it back. They will either get the hint and stop snubbing the twins OR they will never forget again (if they did in fact just forget).

By Conni on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 08:52 pm:

I have NO idea what you should do. My dh's family is the same way. Except they dont acknowledge ANY of us other than dh!!!!!
I refuse to have anything to do with them anymore, unless we absolutely have to. It's really sad because dh admits he see's how good my family is to us and how they treat 'each' of us with respect. His family is really odd...

I am sorry this happens to your little ones. It truly is sad. I wish I knew what to tell you. I hope you get good advice here because I might learn from it too!

By Melanie on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:01 pm:

How odd!!!!! I don't understand why they would do that. ????? Why in the world would they not want to recognize two of their grandkids???? Gosh, some people.

(I am so helpful, huh? LOL)

I'd have to agree with you and Colette. If they aren't going to recognize all the kids, don't let them recognize any of them. I just don't understand such bizarre behavior.

By Sunny on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:13 pm:

I think I would take the direct approach. I would want to know why some of my kids' birthdays were remembered and others were not. I might even get a calendar and put all the birthdays on it in big, bold letters. I don't know that I would let it rest until I either got a satifactory answer or decided not to let it hurt me anymore. (BTW, my in-laws regularly forget some of my kids' birthdays and so we've learned not to expect anything.)

One thing I would be sure to tell them is that this non-action on their part will definitely effect any kind of relationship they would want to have with their grandkids - both the ones remembered and the ones forgotten. If they love and care about them, they'll realize just how much this hurts.

By Mommmie on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:16 pm:

Do you have any idea why they would do this? Do they think you shouldn't have had any more kids or something? Do they know when the birthday is?

By Coopaveryben on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:17 pm:

That is strange, I'm sorry and I know this is hard to deal with.

But, I am going to go against the grain here and say that I would probably get some cards for the twins too and act like they were from the grandparents. The only reason I say this is becasue I wouln't want them to feel as though there Grandparent's don't feel the same about them. If you make the cards stop for everyone the older ones could be really hurt and resentful and may eventually tell the twins. It may seem a hard thing to do because the grandparents are acting like jerks but would come off as being great, but it would be worth it for the children IMO.

By Momoffour on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:30 pm:

Mommie they know there birthdays because of what went on last year about them saying the mail lost it and his mother saying they havent sent anything yet.as for them wanting us to have more kids hubbys mom got upset because we weren't going to have anymore. Its the same every year. They always send hubby and the 2 girls stuff but not Me or the twins which I could care less it don't hurt me any. It just hurts that they can ignore the twins and Joshua is the last boy in there family to carry on the last name.

By Babysitbarb on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:57 pm:

I completly know where you are coming from Marie, except neither one of my DD's get anything from my DH's mother and most of his siblings. I have always bought and given gifts to all the nieces and nephews and I use to always send or give a card to my DH's siblings but, not any more. Im tired of always giving and my girls never getting anything in return, not even a phone call.I could go on forever and vent about this subject but, I won't. I don't agree on giving the boys a card and making them think it came from the grandparents because if they are going to be irresponsible and they can't acknowledge the boys also then why should they have the glory.

By Boxzgrl on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 11:09 pm:

Hmmmm.... maybe your DH could mention the fact of the older children getting something and not the twins?? Is it just his side of the family that does this?? Is there any particular reason they may do this? Thats very sad and I would wonder why they do that. (((HUGS))) I hope all goes well. Let us know how everything goes.

By Marg on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 05:50 am:

I do find this odd also, even not to send them a card!

How old are the twins, maybe they think they are too young to receive money, just a thought, but they could send a card.

Giving them benefit of the doubt, are they remembering their birthday?

I know it's a difficult move anyway you look at it!

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 05:58 am:

It is really strange, and I agree that you should ask them directly why they are doing this. I don't agree that you should withhold the cards/money from the older girls, as that would be punishing them for the thoughtlessness of their grandparents and I don't think that's fair. I also don't agree with faking it by giving the twins cards and pretending they are from the grandparents - sooner or later the truth will come out and that would be even worse.

The ages of the children shouldn't matter, but I see that when you joined you listed the twins as being 2 years old and the two other children as 8 and 5. The grandparents may, as someone above suggested, figure the twins are too young to notice. But asking them directly why might solve the whole thing.

By Texannie on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 08:20 am:

I agree, you need to point blank ask them. Not accusatory, but just "we are very confused why you never send the twins birthday presents but do the older girls". I also agree that it's not fair to penalize the older girls.
Ask.

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 08:58 am:

My CA sister has always done that with Jen and Jeff. She ALWAYS sends Jeff a b'day card and money - don't know if it's easier to remember because he was born the day before my b'day, or because she was actually here when he was born or what - and she ALWAYS forgets Jen's b'day, which is 6 days before Christmas, and EVERY year she says *I can't believe I forgot it was her b'day, I NEVER do that*. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! She ALWAYS forgets!!!!!! And what hurts me the most is that Jen realized that from very early on.

On the other side of that, we rarely see her, or my nephew, and every year I have asked her at Christmas and b'days, what DN would like, and she NEVER gives us any hints, etc. So I usually end up sending a check because the few occasions where I sent a gift and talked to him afterwards, he would say stuff like *I already have that*, or *I don't like that*, and she waits sometimes 4 or 5 months to cash the checks, and we have never once gotten a thank you from them. I think this year I am just sending a card, and that's IT.

I don't know what the answer is. It is so hurtful, not only to you as the parent, but mainly to the kids, to know they have been overlooked and *forgotten*.

By Vicki on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 09:12 am:

I also have 2 neices and 1 nephew (same family) that wait MONTHS to cash their checks. Never get a phone call to say thanks or even that they arrived safe! Drives me insane, but have never had the nerve to stop sending it. This year for the nephew, I did send a prepaid mastercard though...at least I don't have to wait months for the checks to clear!!

By Amecmom on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 03:37 pm:

Maybe they just think the twins are too young to understand, or realize that they've sent a gift. Believe me, that's not an excuse, but perhaps and explanation.

By Eve on Wednesday, March 31, 2004 - 07:24 pm:

I would say something to them, but I would also keep in mind that you cannot change their behavior, only your own. If it were me, I would say, to just call on birthday's, no gifts! If they cannot respect your family as a whole, then they have no right to play games using your children. It's such a shame! It's so hurtful. I'm sorry you are having to deal with them like this.

I also agree, don't fake cards. You are setting them up for disappointment. They will soon recognize Mom's handwriting.