This is so frustrating for me, as well as has me in tears when I think about it. As most of you know how much Ive dealt with , with all my miscarriages. And, now Im 18 1/2 weeks pregnant and things are going good. Im the first to say I have my doubts, but I think thats normal after losing 4 pregnancies. BUT, people seem to be still expecting the worst from me, and that is what hurts.
First of all, we have no family here. My parents live in Florida, and the rest of the family lives in Chicago. 2 weeks ago I asked my mother if she had told my aunt I was pregnant. She said yes she told my aunt and my aunt asked if she could tell the rest of the family. So what does my mother say, "Well better not, she hasnt had her big ultrasound yet, and youjust never know"...My gosh, its as if shes waiting for them to tell me bad news. Havent I been through enough? I thought that comment was very cruel, but yet I didnt say a word. After I had my ultrasound, my aunt calls me about a week later and said congratulaitons, and "Are you sure everything is ok?", like they are almost wanting something to be wrong.
Then I have a friend who I e-mail out of state and I tell her the news. And she writes back ,"Im glad you are STILL pregnant"...its the Still that really bothers me. I have another friend who moved to Germany and when I found out we were having a girl, I just e-mailed her a short note saying everything was ok and it was a girl. Probably just a 2 sentence e-mail. She writes back saying "Oh I was thinking your e-mail was bad news, but glad everything is ok"...I have a hard enough time thinking positive all the time after what I went through, yet , it seems like the rest of the world is trying to bring me down. I feel as if other people are just waiting for me to tell them bad news.
I just dont understand why people are expecting the worst . I mean Understand with 4 pregnancies I did tell them bad news eventually. But, Ive made it so much farther, and keep telling them that everything is going according to what it should be. Yet,people who know me will ask "So they didnt find anything wrong in the ultrasound etc.."
I really find these comments so hurtful. And, people wonder why I didnt tell them about being pregnant.Why, I choose to keep this pregnancy to myself most of the time.

By Ladypeacek on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 08:13 am:

Your family may be trying to make sure they don't get hurt as well. The problem with that is they are not thinking how that makes you feel. My mother had 5 miscarriages before she had me so there is always hope. She had no problems with me at all so don't worry. I know that it hurts, she said no one ever expected me to make it and when i did no one had even had a shower for her and she barely had anything for me except what she had bought. That hurt a great deal, so bad in fact that when they brought her gifts after, she would not even take them. I understand keeping it to yourself. No one wants to keep having to tell bad news, its hard enough dealing with it when something bad happens. But so far your pregnancy is going good and that is a great sign! When they say things that are hurtful, tell them so. Hearing positive will help you out and in turn help your pregnancy and if they keep doing it then i suggest steering clear for a while. You don't need negative feedback from anyone when you are pregnant ever! I will keep you in my prayers and i do hope that everything goes well. Keep your chin up and thank god everyday for your blessing!

By Dana on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 08:15 am:

HUGS, Jackie. I can see why you feel the way you do. But as an outsider, what I see is many many people who love and care about you. They worry for you and are fearful, just as you were in the beginning. I'm CERTAIN they are not waiting for the worst to happen.

It's kinda like when you are the passanger in the car. You see the red light up ahead and you tell the driver "they're stopping up there",...not because you don't trust the driver, but because you don't know what the driver sees or thinks. You say it just in case, and you are nervous it may not be seen. The driver on the other hand KNOWS it is all under control.

Those of us looking in, don't truly see what you KNOW to be true. The number of weeks means something so different to you, than to others. It is your experience, not ours. So, as the outsider, we are a little more worried...only because we don't know like you do. And because we care, and because you have experience such losses, it is difficult to let go of the fear.

I hope that makes sense. But rest assured, people are not waiting for doom to happen. They are only showing a loving concern. Just go ahead and keep telling them the good news, and they too will start to see happiness rather than fear.

By Vicki on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 08:21 am:

My guess would be that they are walking on egg shells as well as you are. I am sure at this point, they don't really know what they should say to you!! As you have stated to us in the past, you were being optamistic that things would go great, but you were even a little (ok, allot) nervous about the pregnancy and telling people and so forth. I am sure they are nervous too!! They know how much the miscarriages in the past have hurt you (and I am sure they hurt for you as well) and they are trying to be a little protective. If I were you, I would speak up. I would tell them how you are feeling and that you are trying to stay positive and you would appreciate it if they started feeling positive for you too!! It sound to me like they are just trying to be cautious with you and with themselves. I am SURE they are not meaning to hurt you!! I would just talk to them!! Best Wishes!!

By Texannie on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 08:33 am:

I had 4 pregnancies that never went to term also, so I do know what you are feeling, BUT, I think that Dana and Vicki made excellent points. In fact, Dana's analogy was fantastic! I also agree with Dana that they probably don't know what to say. I also think that maybe you might be reading a little too much into their comments. I would talk to them and just tell them how you feel.

By Bellajoe on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 08:47 am:

((Jackie)), i understand why those comments hurt you. I'm sure your family means well. I'm sure they are holding their breath everytime you call them, hoping for good news. They don't want anything to go wrong with this pregnancy either. They don't want you to be hurt again, and they don't want to hurt again as well. They probably don't know what else to say, but i am sure they are excited about this baby! The farther along you get with the pregnancy, the more excited they get about it, i'm sure. And NO, they are not waiting for bad news, they are hoping for good news!

Go ahead and tell them how you feel.

By Momaroze on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 08:58 am:

Focus on the positive. Forget the negative, it does not do your baby girl or yourself any good. Tell your family/friend how you feel. If they could support and make this a positive experience for you what a wonderful thing that would be. If they can't I would not bother with sharing any more news. I can see your side very well, if your family is normally supportive of you then I would say maybe it's hormones? getting in the way of how you are taking their comments...I tread lightly with this one (hormones) not to negate your feelings. I just remember when I was pregnant looking back....it was not long ago. Sounds to me everything is looking good. Keep your chin up....grow some herbs or something LOL Just kidding that was my last post. Be good to yourself because when you see your baby girl you will be VERY HAPPY and PROUD that when she was growing inside of you, you took good care of yourself hence her!!!!!

By Mommyathome on Wednesday, March 24, 2004 - 10:36 am:

((((hugs))))
I think that they are just wanting everything to be OK. They know your history and want the best for you. They are probably very nervous for you. I'm sure they care about you and your well being very much!!
How are you feeling anyway?? You're already half way there!