Recently became a single mother and I have been having a difficult time since I now have to look for a job, finish school (which will only be in 2 weeks), and raise the baby on my own. Of course I thought I would be with my ds father forever things were going smoothly and we were in the process of buying a home and so many things have changed now. I have so much to do in trying to get child support and arranging visitation and most times when he says hes coming to pick the baby up he doesnt. So I dont know how else to put my foot down and say he should be doing something besides throwing around some cash which he hasnt even done yet. Family members who are cousins of mine have children and are on assistance and have been pushing me into that sense. Although I have never thought of doing that. Some individuals need it more than I do, but I cant help think that yes I do need more than just my small income.

So now I am back at my mothers house and oh boy do I wish I was living on my own really really soon. Its like living back at home when I was a teenager with having her spoil my child and not letting me discipline him. I just needed someone to vent to cause my friends "happily" married or not can not ever understand what I would be going through.

I also finally have been able to get in touch with many of my olds friends that I was never allowed to keep in contact with before. It has been so wonderful, yet hard to find a sitter that would be able to watch my terrible 2's ds. lol. Child care doesnt come cheap these days!

Whew! almost feel better now.

By Marg on Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 05:06 pm:

(((Anon)))

Vent away, we all have baggage, it just comes in different forms;)

No advice, just do what you need to do for you and your son.

By Palmbchprincess on Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 05:21 pm:

Anon... I totally sympathize. My kids are almost 2, and I just filed my divorce. I have no advice, but stay strong, and remember this will get easier. I'm available if you ever decide you want to talk. Palmbchprincess@yahoo.com.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 06:00 pm:

Been there, done that, and it is no picnic. By all means find out every kind of assistance you are able to get, and take it. And seek help from the court in enforcing child support payments.

Seems to me you need a support group. If you tell me what city you live in, I'll do a search.

By Mommmie on Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 06:40 pm:

Hugs! I'm a never-married mom of a 9-year-old boy. As far as the ex be sure and start a journal noting every time he said he was going to pick up and did or didn't, how much cash he's given what he's purchased for the child. Document every little thing. For some reason you might need it later.

I hope you are going through a lawyer to get the details worked out. Don't make any verbal agreements. Everything must be on paper and filed with the court. You'll be glad later on.

I do not find single motherhood that difficult and hopefully you won't either.

By Mcrosby57 on Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 07:42 pm:

I did the single mom on assistance. It is there if you need it but use it to get back on your feet. It's not as glamourous as it sounds. For instance, food stamps does not buy soap or toilet paper or cleaning supplies or diapers. I found foodbanks for those items (I now donate those items to food bank collection spots outside of grocery stores because I know what food stamps don't buy.). I'm glad to hear you are finishing school. Get your education!!! I did. The judge decreed that my ex give me maintenance until I was finished with school so it was worth it for me. As stated above: DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!!! Can't say that enough. I even documented for years after the divorce. It made a huge difference when we went back to court 10 years after our the divorce. Good luck!!!

Mary