I apoligize if I am using the annon incorrectly but I need to vent and I need help, but at the same time it is a sensitive issue for me.

Here is some background. My stepsister who had her first child at 15 with a convicted murder, and her second child at 19 with a gang member is now 23. She is on drugs. She is a stripper. She is pretty much homeless. She is driving around in a beat up car that has expired tags and no insurance with a suspended lisence. My mom is raising her ds and has since he was born. Her dd who is 3, I'm afraid is going to end up dead. I am so scared for her. She will drop her dd off with my parents or my aunt and tell not call or come by for days. Nobody knows how to get ahold of her incase of emergency. She has told my mom that if she tries to take dd that she will kill herself. She has also told her that if she tries for "custody" of the kids that she will have them "blasted". My parents have tried to help her, repeatedly. She just ends up stealing from them and abusing them. Well this time it has gotten really bad. My parents agreed to let her stay with them again because dd has been really sick and had also been bit by a dog and needs to go to the doctors every other day for the bite. Since my sis isn't responsible enough to take her my parents have been allowing her to stay with them. During my sis's stay she announced that she was pregnant AGAIN! Well it caused a big fight and my sis left, without her kids. Was gone for a few days, no contact. Returned while my parents were gone. My other sis was home with the kids. She starts rumaging through the cupboards and fixing fried potatoes without so much as saying hello. other sis is scared of her. Mom comes home and they get into an argument. sis throws a spatula with hot greese and potates at mom. Mom ducks not knowing that ds is behind her. Ds gets hit with it. Its hot, it burned him, he screams. Which inturn Mom starts screaming at sis. (meanwhile other sis is taking the kids into her room and locking the door) sis punches mom in the face. Mom attacks sis and draws blood! It has never been this bad. Mom yells for other sis to get the kids in the car, start it and lock the doors. Mom manages to get outside, get in the car and drive off. Mom then gets a call on her cell phone, Police Department telling mom to return home. We don't know who called the police. Police did NOTHING! They allowed sis to try to take her kids with her. ds refused to go with her so sis infront the cop said "stay here then, I don't want YOU anyways" and she doesn't. She took dd kicking and sceaming. Mom has called CPS and they told her that she (Mom) has no rights and that it is not against the law to be homeless and the other thins that my mom is saying is hear say. What is wrong with the system? We would take the kids but dh said that it will be for good and that she will not be allowed to see the kids. Mom says "NO!"

By Marg on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 03:33 pm:

At some point social services will get involved and will take the children. I am surprised it has not already happened.

(((Anon))) My sisters is bipolar. She literally gave up her son when he was 7 and barely saw him. It was for the best. I wanted to bring him into our home. But his father had him. So between his father, my mom and me, we raised him. Wasn't always pretty.

But this is way out of hand. When the dog bit the child wasn't anyone questioned? I'm surprised your mom didn't press assault charges. And the little boy getting burned, didn't the police see this or take him to the hospital.

I know there are many details not disclosed because of time and space. I feel very bad for anyone in this situation.

I'm sorry I'm not much help

By Melissa on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 03:59 pm:

I think you need to call and report anything you know to CPS and encourage anyone else to as well.
Eventually maybe enough calls will help. I had to call about dh's sis recently, nothing as bad as what you describe but I felt if I knew this and didn't make the call if something happend it would be just as much my fault. Just a thought and I know some people could say this is wrong but to me these kids lives are at risk. If someone like your mom offered her a sum of $ to give over custody would she do it?

By Anonymous on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 05:38 pm:

The cop that came to the house was more concerned with getting to his next call than the red marks on ds. He told my mom that if he arrested sis he would have to arrest her. Neither one will admit to who hit who first but knowing them, I know sis hit mom first. Other sis told the cop that her car didn't have tags and insurance and she didn't have a valid lisence and he told her that because it was parked in the driveway and he didn't see her drive it there was nothing he could do. She also told him that she was on drugs and because she didn't have any on her, there was nothing he could do. If I call cps and they take the kids from sis what will happen to them? Will they give them to my mom? ds is in 1st grade and is develementaly slow due to all this drama in his life. I don't want to make things worse for him. Sis has already made it clear to anyone and everyone that he is not her son. Also, I don't know where to tell social services she is. She sleeps in her car. I don't know her plate number either. I know I sound like I'm making excuses but really, I'm not. Also, will they do this anon? Or will I have to give my name? As for the dog, it belonged to whom ever allowed sis to stay a night at their house. Mom doesn't even know who's house it was. I don't think the hospital said anything about it. They just dressed her wound and sent her home. It got infected so my mom took her back to the dr's and they put a temp cast on it and gave her antibiotics.

By Mrse on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 06:16 pm:

Well one thing I know is someone has to do something and quick. I think the wrong police officer came to the house, I think your mom should go to the police station, and lodge a complaint about the orginal call out to the house. I would get in touch with family services, and report her. It may not be illegal to be homeless, but if you can prove the child was not being looked after properly they can take the child for that. At this point I would not worry about your mother getting custody of the child, I would consentrate, on getting the child away from your sister, and worry about custody later. I would get in touch with family services, and find out what kind of evidence they need to be able to take the child. I would get someone's elses car and follow her, find out things like what does she do with the child while she is ( working) maybe she leaves the child in the car, who knows. Does the child look unkept? dirty,? Does the child seem like dd has not eneough to eat? I would also tell your mom, that she is using the children against her, because she knows that she loves them. Which she most likely already knows, but she is going to have to do some tough love. The next time, your mom has the child get her to go straight to the doctors office for a check up, make sure the child is ok. Also do you anon, have children of your own? You could be putting your self and your children at risk, by getting custody of the child.If your sister is on drugs, which distorts the brain, who is to say she would not follow through with killing your family? I would definatley get ahold of family services, and report her, and keep a log of dates she leaves the child, with your mom, and on one of thoses occations I would get your mom to ask her how long she is going to be looking after her , and if it goes past that day, call social services and tell them she abandoned the child. family services should be able to give you all the information you will need to deal with this situation,what steps you have to take.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 06:20 pm:

Anon, where is this happening? I don't have access to my bookmarks right now, but if we know the town or the nearest major city, we can help find child abuse protection networks - not just the official agencies but the advocacy programs that help to make the official agencies do their jobs.

By Anonymous on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 07:04 pm:

I have 2 kids, sis has never been to my house as we have recently moved. I don't even think she knows what city I live in. I know this is going to give away who I am but they are in San Bernadino County, in California. I am about 2 hours away so I don't visit but maybe once a month. I was just told that the car she is driving isn't even registered to her, its registered to one of her "customers". Ugh!
As far as I know when she "works" she takes dd to my aunts house or my parents house. I only see her when she is with my parents but she is "clean" and "fed" there. She is so skinny and sickly looking. My cousins tell me that when she is dropped off she is always filthy and in clothes that are too small or too big and mismatched. Mom knows that sis is using the kids and sis does it very well. I told mom so start writing everything down. I hope she does

By Marg on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 07:19 pm:

Anon,

My husband works for a company that works with troubled youth.

He worked at the group home today and met a 15 yo girl that is there because her mom is a prostitute and apparently "pimped" this girl out when she was younger. There is more but it is too vile and graphic and way to sad to even think of a young girl to have to go through anything like this.

She still loves her mom and wants to go back to try to help her.

I am posting this because we don't know what road your sister will take these kids down.

I know it is not an easy road but I do fear for these children. I am praying for you and your family.

By Bobbie on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 10:04 pm:

Okay, Know this story. Have lived it. My niece and nephew were in the system from the time my niece was a year old. People would call and complain nothing would happen. When my niece was 11 my X sister in law took the kids and put them in a storage room because her new man didn't want to deal with them and told her it was him or them. They lived in the storage unit for 3 months before DHS was made aware. Everyone had tried for years to help and nothing ever was done. DH and I had no clue what was going on until it was all over. They were taken and in the system for 5 years. Sister in laws record of calls against her at DHS was a full 50 pages long with charges. All the reports had been closed and never followed up on.. If we had had even the slightest bit of a clue we would have done something but we had no clue.. You need to do something now. I am talking an in person to person visit to DHS/CPS. You need to go in there face to face and tell them what she is doing and what you know and that you need help. They do not take phone calls as seriously as they do a personal visits. They need to understand to the utt most what is going on in the lives of your sister and of her kids. And do not give up.. Ask to talk to the dirrector if you aren't getting any where. But do not sit back and let this happen. And they will go to family before they are placed in the system. My niece and nephew were placed with family. You just have to go through the typical home check and simple stuff like that...

By Bellajoe on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 10:04 am:

i agree, i think the wrong police officer was sent to the house. Some one needs to report this to social services. I fear for your family and and t hose poor childnren.

((ANON))

By Feona on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 10:50 am:

The thing is also that if your mom got custody of the kids she might be a little money from foster care system if she needs it which she could save or use for the benefit of the child too.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 01:11 pm:

Anon, lots of (((Hugs!!!!))). This is a very hard situation and I hope it gets better, for the kids.
I dont want to sound mean but I could care less what happened to your stepsister, just get those kids away from her. Sure shes the mother but they are scared of her and obviously dont want to be with her. I know how the SB County courts work and if you just keep bugging CPS, they will respond. It may take time but let them know you wont give up until they atleast investigate.

More (((Hugs)))

By Bobbie on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 09:00 pm:

When a family member takes in a child it is called Kinship care. The child will qualify for Medical card and monthly assistant checks. And here in Ohio they get an alotment for clothing twice a year on top of their assistant checks. They will also help buy car seats and furniture (beds dressers) if need be.