This past weekend, my in-laws moved. In the process of packing they found dh's christening gown. So my MIL gave it to my BIL and his wife who are expecting. I know she felt like they are having the next baby and therefore can use it. But I can't help but feel like it should have gone to dh for his grandkids. BIL never wore it, so there is no sentimental value in them having it. I can't help but be annoyed that it didn't come to us. Neither of us have anything from when we were babies, so this would have been a treasured keepsake.

What do you think?

By Vicki on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 08:44 pm:

I think I would ask for it. You might get them off the hook. They might not want to use it since it wasn't his?!?

By Carolk on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 08:46 pm:

I was kind of upset when I found out that my Mother had given my sister my christening gown for her daughter. She didn't even use it. Of course my sister is 6 years older than me. But that's not the point. I ended up having to get the dress from my sister, so my DD could wear it when she was baptized.

I can see how this may upset you. Perhaps your husband could talk to his brother or his mom and see about letting you guys have. I think it makes perfect sense for you and your DH to have the christening gown.

By Mommyathome on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 08:54 pm:

I would say something. IMO it should have came to your DH. That is really a treasured keepsake that cannot be substituted. What about asking your BIL and his wife for it? Maybe they are feeling pressured into using it (especially her) and they are actually wanting to buy a new one for their son. Especially since that particular one has no real meaning to them.
Either way, I would say something. I'm sure that your BIL and his wife will understand, even if your MIL doesn't.
Better sooner than later....if you wait too long then that could make things worse when it's brought up.
Good luck!

By Melanie on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 09:27 pm:

Thanks ladies. I feel a little better right now. I just talked to dh and brought it up with him. He is going to talk to his brother.

What was funny was that dh didn't realize it had been given to them. My SIL mentioned when we were all together that she had it and I commented at that time that our kids might want it for their kids (which was followed by an awkward silence). Dh didn't even pay attention to the conversation. So when I brought it up he had no idea what I was talking about. Men. LOL.

At any rate, he agrees it should have come to us and finds it odd that it didn't. Hopefully Vicki is right and they don't really want to use it anyway. I'll let you know how it goes.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 09:27 pm:

I would say something! It seems like it should be your DH's thing to keep.

When my oldest daughter was born, my Grandma sent us a check to buy a christening gown. Until we got that money, we hadn't even thought about getting one! So, we picked one out and my older DD wore it. Then younger DD wore it. Then my sister's both had DD's and they both wore it! It is precious to me now. When my last sister was done with it, I got it back. Will save it in case my daughters want to use it. It has a history now.

By Bobbie on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 09:47 pm:

Sounds like your SIL was putting it out there for DH to say something. So I am sure she won't be offended if he asks for it. Good luck..

By Melanie on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 09:57 pm:

Not really, Bobbie. What she was doing was making fun of him for having had a frilly dress. I always joke and call him my gay husband because he is soooooo good at decorating and stuff. So it was more of a reference to that. I really don't know how she feels about having it. But she is as sentimental as I am so I think she will understand what I am saying. I am even more than willing to buy her baby girl a christening outfit so I can have this one. And if she wants her daughter to wear it and then give it back to us, that is fine. I just don't want to lose it permanently.

By Bobbie on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 10:10 pm:

Well if it was me I would want a dress I could keep and pass down. So if it was me a new dress would be great... But she isn't me. Good luck to you...

By Eve on Monday, January 19, 2004 - 10:42 pm:

You have gotten really good advice here. I have nothing much to add. I know you have a good relationship with your SIL, so I'm sure her and your BIL wouldn't get offended at all if you talked to them about it. I'm sure they would be glad to pass it along to you and DH.

How very cool that you will have something to pass down the generations!

By Melanie on Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 10:26 am:

ITA Bobbie. I'd prefer a new one I could pass down as well.

Thanks Eve. I do hope they understand. BIL will be fine with it. It's my SIL I am concerned about. Hopefully she will prefer a new one.

Fingers crossed...

By Bellajoe on Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 10:33 am:

The christening gowns i have seen and bought are around $50. Maybe they don't have the money to buy a new one and that is why they are going to use your dh's (if they really want it in the first place). Just let them know now that you would like it back after the baby is christened.

By Melanie on Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 11:55 am:

Patti, I would be totally okay with that. The problem is that it wasn't given to us, it was given to them. Which means at this point they have no obligation whatsoever to give it to us. Like I said, I have no problem buying the baby a new gown myself. This is my very first niece. I would be thrilled to do that for them. I just don't want to lose the one that has sentimental value to us. We wouldn't have even known it existed if my SIL hadn't tried to get cute with dh saying she had his frilly christening gown. I don't know that they intend to use it or care whether or not they do. I don't feel like I can be the one to ask for it, so I am very happy dh feels the same way about it. I think in the end we will get the gown back. But it never should have come to this. It bothers me that it didn't occur to my MIL that she should offer it to us first.

By Jjandmom on Tuesday, January 20, 2004 - 05:29 pm:

Tes that is true about wanting the gown back I know I would be very hurt if it was for me. I am a godmother of a girl and I bought her a new dress and do you believe after her christening her mother said here is the gown back I said why are you giving it back to me that is for my godchild it wasn't bought for her so if you feel you will loose it I will just hang on to it till she gets older and then it is hers. My daughters Christening gown from her godparents I have put away for when she gets older. I think things like that should be givien to the right people. I know abround here the people would rather have there own gowns for each kid well I feeel that is good so when they have kids they can pass them down. Its like a wedding gown my daughters keep saying its theres they fight over who is gonna get it.

By Melanie on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 06:47 pm:

Update:

Dh spoke with BIL today. He told dh that he was christened in it as well. Well, not in the Church as my in-laws had become hippies by then, LOL, but in a creek or something. That surprised me because during the conversation it was stated that it was dh's christening gown and MIL even commented about BIL having not been Christened. At any rate, BIL does have a connection to the gown and it is now theirs. I am very bummed, but that's how it goes.

Thanks for the advice. At least the topic was discussed and I can feel better because they have as much right to it as we do.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 06:55 pm:

Oh bummer. At least you know now.

By Eve on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 11:23 am:

I'm sorry, Mel. That's a bummer. Just remember to save stuff for *each* of your children. This is a good lesson for parents. All of your kids want something special to pass along. Still, I hope later on down the road they change their mind.

By Melanie on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 11:57 am:

Thanks Eve and Dawn. Eve, I highly doubt they will even consider passing it to us since BIL wore it. Even if their daugther doesn't end up wearing it I can't see them parting with it.

I have saved for my kids the outfits they came home from the hospital in and a few special outfits along the way. I've also been sending some of their favorite clothes at different ages to my mom who will be making a memory quilt out of them for each child when they are grown. My mom made quite a few outfits for Peyton and I have saved all of those. I think it is really special to be able to have something to pass down like that. I think I am really on top of things like that because neither dh or I had anything and I wish we did. Oh well. At least our kids will have something!

By Yjja123 on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 12:05 pm:

I had several of my daughters baby dresses made into a quilt. I was going to have a twin/throw size quilt made but my daughter asked for it to be a baby quilt size so she can use it for her children. It turned out very cute. I had the front of the dresses framed (all in fabric of course) so you really get an idea how each dress looked. Now I am going to have one done for my son--of course he didn't have as many cute clothes.
A few years ago my Mother In Law gave me my husbands first outfit (worn home from the hospital) I was so mad that she didn't give it to me when my children were babies so they too could have worn it. It is safely packed with stuff I saved for my children.
Maybe some people just are not sentimental?

By Kate on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 12:17 pm:

That's true, Yvonne...some people aren't sentimental and I fall into that category. I don't save letters or cards or special toys or clothes. I don't like 'clutter' and to me that stuff just piles up as clutter. My mom gave me all my old dresses (which had been passed through four girls already) for my baby girl. She painstakingly washed, ironed, and starched each one and hung them on a makeshift clothesline in her car to transport them to me. It was VERY sweet of her, but frankly, the clothes were missing buttons here and there and were just totally out of style. I'm all for little girls in dresses, too, but these clothes were just really dated. I'm afraid it meant nothing to me that *I* had worn these things. So yes, people are different but I really feel for Melanie because it's something that would mean a lot to her.

By Melanie on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 03:18 pm:

Yvonne, I was going to have her make a twin size quilt, but I love your idea so much more!!! I will definitely have her make them into baby quilts instead. Thank you for sharing that!

Thanks, Kate. I am very sentimental and would have just loved to have something to pass down to our kids. But it's okay. It's in a good home. And I am sure my niece will look just beautiful in it.

By Yjja123 on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 07:00 pm:

Melanie,
You can view my quilt at:

http://www.handmadebykristen.com/product_info.php?cPath=22&products_id=77

Yvonne

By Melanie on Monday, January 26, 2004 - 07:11 pm:

Oh Yvonne, that is beautiful!!!! I absolutely love it. I can't thank you enough for passing on that idea. What a special treasure!